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| PyroShadow18
PyroShadow18
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[3402860]
[2006-10-24 23:50:41 +0000 UTC]
"I live inside my head...."
(Unknown)
# Statistics
Favourites: 9015; Deviations: 2264; Watchers: 178
Watching: 334; Pageviews: 52672; Comments Made: 21530; Friends: 334
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: friendsFavorite writers: friends
Tools of the Trade: emotions
Other Interests: Writing, friends, music
# About me
my love is free
my heart is not
~~~~~
don't love me..
just don't...
love is too painful....
~~~~~
cut me..
let me bleed..
in you..
~~~
I am me. I am you.
Who are you?
Are you me? Am I you?
Something simple. Yet conscious in itself.
Who are we? Who are you?
...
Who am I?
...
~~~~~
We are obsessed..
We are obsessed with the obsession to be real.
Silent little toys, screaming with broken bones and broken air-pipes.
But we cannot hide. Even should we wish it.
Beauty. Sex. Keep breathing, so we don't break apart..
If only we could live beyond our dreams..
inside, we're crying..
~~~~~``
~~~
I hate you.
But I love you.
I hate that you love me.
And love that you hate me.
Conflicted feelings.
I hate you, but hate me more.
Smile because you're loved.
And hate because you're loved.
We hate and love.
We're addicted...
~~~~
~~~~~~
~~~
And you will one day realize, that despite the mistakes we've made, the people we've hurt, that there is always a chance to turn things around. A chance to make new friendships. And a chance, to wish those we've met, well in their happiness.
I understand that we all have different lives. And we can't always be in contact with each other. That's still okay. It makes the time we share together that much more special. Love life as much as you can. And don't give up. Even though life really is a struggle, find a way to get through it with people who love and care about you. Those are the ones who really matter.
Take care everyone. And thank you.
~Josh~
~~~~~
Take care everyone.
~Josh~
~~~~~~~
and so it was. a blanket that kept them from harm.
for they both knew that the world was painful.
prodded by unforgiving memories.
It's a blanket that I hold close to, rather tightly. So I can't get hurt. So I don't let anyone in.
Though I have, and they mean the world to me, it's hard sometimes to trust people.
And so we're miserable. Lost in an ocean of anxiety and depression, without relief.
Thoughts inside the mind can be deadly and damaging. But I think I prefer to be damaged. That way, it's okay to be hurting. I guess in a way, I think I deserve it I need it. And so I have it.
~Josh~
~~~~~~~
Borrowed from *Leomutt
Notice: To all those who think Homophobia is wrong and want to fight for a better future for our gay and lesbian friends, please re-post this into your profile:
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
~~~~~
Love is something that no one needs to be afraid of.
Current Residence: inside my head. living. existing...
Favourite genre of music:: breaking benjamin
Favourite photographer: friends
Favourite style of art: dark
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: blank
Shell of choice: blank
Wallpaper of choice: dark
Skin of choice: i can barely breathe in my own...
Personal Quote: real is such a funny term... we crawl around in the dark...
# Comments
Comments: 2809
Thanks for the,song.
I won't cut
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're welcome.
I'm glad. 
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah how are,you and AJ
How,did it come up with the name AJ
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm okay.
Yesterday, there was a low point.
Upon which I dealt with, by screaming into my blanket and biting it while I screamed.
I was in a state for a few minutes.
And then I felt bad. And felt like I wasn't worth anything.
But that moment eventually passed, and I was okay again.
AJ is my anger personified.
AJ means Angry Josh.
And he's a voice in my head. One that loves to torment me and wants to kill me.
Even though I often try to accept him because he's been hurt as well.
Though I don't know how he's been hurt. He's often too angry to tell me how.
Soo, yeah.
Stay safe Lacey. *hugs*
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I understand my voices are different sam is nice and caring but carol is evil and mean
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I see.
I'm sorry that Carol is mean to you.
*hugs* You don't deserve it, and it's not your fault.
I hope that one day you and Carol can be friends.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
We were friends but then I got on meds to take him away and he turned evil
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I see.
I'm sorry.. *sends him, and you a hug*
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm still depressed and my mom's and sister meanest doesn't help
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*hugshugs* 
I'm here for you. Promise. You're not alone.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks my family was fighting
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*hugs* I'm sorry they were fighting.. It's not your fault Lacey. I wish parents wouldn't fight in front of their kids..
It's not right..
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah its his fault he watches ass porn and my mom as a anger problen
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm really sorry Lacey. *hugs*
I wish things were better in life for you.
And I hope they will be one day. You're a good person.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks I'm going to try to ignore my problems until I see my therapist and psychiatrist
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Okay.
Good luck. I'm sorry you're going through hard times.
*hugs* But you're not alone.
I hope you see them soon.
Take care Lacey.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I see them in November the 8th I just got to make it til then
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Awesome.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks today I'm feeling better
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's wonderful!
I'm doing well too.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Cool.
I hope your day is going well.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's good.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Cool.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It is in hope it's good for you too
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's good.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yep I get to hang out with one of my friends today
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's awesome!
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's great!
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah but I just want to die. I can't take the voices and self harm and suicidal thoughts anymore. I can't wait til I see my therapist and psychiatrist next week
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*gives you a great big hug* I'm here for you Lacey.
I don't want you to die. And I know that if you did die, then I'd be really sad..
I know pain is really painful. And it hurts a lot.
And I'm sorry you're going through this pain in your life right now.
But you're not alone. I'm always gonna be here for you.
You are an amazing person. And I'm glad that you haven't died yet.
Take care okay. You are loved and treasured by a lot of people.
I love you..
Take care okay. *hugshugs*
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Awwww thanks I'm trying to fight the urge to cut and die. I'm going to try to make it til I. See my therapist and psychiatrist next week. I'm kind of hoping I go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts cause I can't fight them anymore. I love you too and thanks for being a good friend
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're very welcome Lacey.
You can always talk to me if you want to. But I won't force you to.
Thanks for trusting me. I trust you. I'm glad you'll try to live. That's important.
*hugs* You're important to me. And I'm glad you're still here.
You're welcome.
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It sucks my home town psych ward is closed. Which sucks.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Does the psych ward close during the week?
I hope it'll be open again soon! *sends you a big hug*
~J
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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