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| IrkenInvaderMaz
IrkenInvaderMaz
[19709039]
[2011-11-03 04:57:51 +0000 UTC]
"Moved"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 483; Deviations: 69; Watchers: 62
Watching: 27; Pageviews: 20413; Comments Made: 38583; Friends: 27
# Comments
Comments: 5640
That's nice to know, sweetie, really it is. I read this a couple hours after you posted it, actally, and it made me feel nice. Thank you. I'm still here, yeah, I just have... felt less compelled to respond to you, and I apologize. I'm sorry if you've felt worried for me honey. Don't, if you are.
And I love you too, sweetheart.
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I figured, I have this sense of knowing things every now and then. And I understand, as I've had plenty of days in the same boat, as you know.
I just hope you're feeling normal soon.
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I'm not really sure if I'm depressed anymore. I'm not saying I'm not and I'm not saying I am... ugh. Just... bitch tits. Fucking hell. And I hate how I just fucking curse when I don't know what to say. It makes me sound like an immature little brat... which I kind of am, but whatever.
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Nah. All us older people swear like it's nothing. And I understand, really I do. Like I said, I'll go through days feeling totally fine, then I'll just take a sharp decline back down a pit.
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Well, yeah I knew that but I just... see it differently when I do it. Like I feel a lot of people do. They see things differently when THEY are the ones doing it.
I think I'm a bit of a bad person.
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Hm. Maybe it's just a self conscious belief we all have. That we're deliberately always being judged or scrutinized by someone.
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It is a bad habit of people.
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Yeah. It is. I don't think people could really change it if they wanted, though. Unless they somehow reached a state of enlightenment of sorts, where they kind of realize that their not as important as they think, and how other people don't care as much about what they do as they think. But in a way that sounds less depressing.
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That's exactly what I was coached when I first started singing in public. I had an awesome person who told me no one cared about anyone but themselves, and they couldn't care less if the person up there messed up over if they looked nice today.
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Yeah, people are selfish like that, though they probably don't try to be. It's sad outside.
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It's an unconscious ideal that the human brain is only concerned about surviving.
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Yeah. We are all animals like that, deep down. We always try to deny it, but it's true. If an apocolypse did happen, people would be killing others and looting their courpses left and right. And eat their meat, if needed... It's a good thing though that we push these thoughts of being animals away. Not mentally, I think, but good for obvious reasons.
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You're absolutely right too, sadly.
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Huh. This got sad rather quickly... I'm sorry for that.
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It isn't your fault.
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Well, um, I was going to wish you a happy three years on the 27th. But then I didn't. Um...
Congrats! 8D
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Oh has it been that long? Goodness me. XD I made this account as a joke because of something on my old Quizzila.
^___^
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Oh? What was the joke? c:
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I started the account when I was...? Nine? Ish? About two years after being molested and when the ignoring was going on about what had happened, and I felt very depressed and full of anxiety. So I tapped into my inner conscious and found first my spirit animal, and then my alter ego. And, my alter ego at that time was a fifteen year old hyperactive and outgoing girl... named Katt.
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...Oh sweetie
I love you.
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It was the first time I felt better, but I felt weird knowing people who were actually sixteen and I was like, ten. So I started over at fourteen and made this account, wanting to kind of recapture that alter ego.
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Aww. Well... I'm glad you did sweetheart, and that you started feeling better.
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It's interesting really.
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Yeah, it is. And good.
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Yeah, though I dont think I really have the right or intellegence to be able to properly speak about killers. Nng. It's sad outside.
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Once you learn more about human traits and the brain and nature of humans, you will.
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Yeah. Maybe.
I think maybe I somewhat enjoy the feeling of depression, to a degree. Like it's fine and dandy if I make myself feel it, though if anyone else, or anything else, creates that feeling, it makes me feel legitimatly sad, instead of like a special snowflake. I do so love attention. I think you might've concluded that by now, though.
Nng... though at the same time, by making these assumptions, I feel like I could be just reinforcing these ideas into my head. To make me feel more like I actually know what I'm doing and what's going on, when in reality I don't. Again I think I do that for special snowflake purposes.
Agh. Though I do think that by admitting I know nothing about my own brain or anyone elses, I learn more. That sounds corny as fuck. I might not click the send button, but I will hate and/or be proud of myself later if I do.
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That's an interesting though actually, I've never really heard a person say it like that. I don't enjoy my own depression, only because my near future includes my parents dying and an uncertainty of what my life is as I stumble through trying to figure out if I'm actually a lesbian, or just Asexual.
No, and it's honestly a true concept. We access very little of our brains, and we have no idea what we could truly do with its full potential. As of recent research, one thing we know would happen is telepathically communicating with people.
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I just kinda realized that what I said earlier may have sounded a bit horrible. But you don't seem to mind so I'm just going to dismiss it.
I'm sorry about your parents, dear, though I'm not sure if I should pry or not on that issue. And, yeah, life is defiantly going to be... confusing as fuck. Though we do all have to get to the whole that part eventually, no matter how much it sucks. I'm sure you'll be fine, though, and I'm sure you'll figure your sexually out eventually, if not relatively soon. Though I don't have much experience in any of those areas, sorry.
That would be amazing on many, many levels. Shit. Scientists need to make this shit happen.
No wait. That'd be absolutely terrifying.
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I didn't think so in reality. I think more than in just one dimension like most people do.
Yeah, I only worry because my parents are older than most because they miscarried so much before they had me and my sister. On my father's side, none of them have lived past 60, and my father is 52. So of course, I feel worried, especially since I've noticed some odd things happening.
And I hope so too, I'm thinking about becoming a student ambassador for GLSEN, but we'll see.
I do wonder if it would only be immediate thoughts that you're focused on that moment, or what.
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Oh? I don't quite understand.
Ahhh... well those are reasons to worry.
That sounds impressive. I need to look up this GLSEN thing.
Yes. I do to. It could be very bad.
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I mean I see all different alternatives.
Of course.
It's interesting, I don't think I'll do it anymore however.
Of course.
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Ohhh. Well. I imagine that can be pretty useful.
Ah okay.
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THAT'S HORRIBLE. BUT IK KIND OF LOVE IT, SORT OF. BUT POOR THEM, TOUGH D: BUT... Daaaamn. HOLY SHIT IT'S FREAKY. BUT IN A GOOD WAY. THIS WAS A WONDERFUL THING TO WAKE UP TOO.
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THIS WAS THE MOST IRONIC THING IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. TELL ME THAT'S NOT SO FUCKING AWESOMELY CREEPY.
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IT IS FUCKING AWESOMELY CREEPY! IT REALLY FUCKING IS. JUST... HOLY SHIT.
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SO WEIRD. WHAT THE HELL. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE HAD A FRIEND NAMED VENNY.
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JUST... AGH. FUCKING BOSS.
How did you first react when she told you? 8D
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I KNOW.
I was like "o_o ... Who?" She was like "My friend Venny." And I was just.. "Ah... I thought you said that... *tap tap tap tap*"
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JUST AGH.
That's just... cool. Really, really cool and mindfuck-y
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RAH.
It really was. ._.
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And out there somewhere there is probably Kenai and Jaydon gettin' it on, if you really think about it... though this is so CLOSE.
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Holy fuck. Just... aaagh 8D
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