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007-Math — Gravity
Published: 2007-01-30 05:29:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 241; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description Stars pour forth
thoughts and n#mbers
universal principles
generating anomalies
the mμn bringing up
waves, like a god
gravity dominates
this, these worlds:

these entities that pμll,
they penetrate to the deepest level
to the most high god
and they pμsh
and they dream
of a seamless, eternal day
where there is no obligation
to pμsh or pμll:

But in space there are but
points of light, tearing against
the walls of blackness.
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Comments: 6

oh-no-heather-jo [2007-01-31 23:15:27 +0000 UTC]

So the picture I am doing may not relate to the poem as you interpret it. fair warning!

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007-Math In reply to oh-no-heather-jo [2007-01-31 23:50:23 +0000 UTC]

All's fair in art and war!

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007-salshep [2007-01-30 08:05:51 +0000 UTC]

Attention needed to punctuation, to get those sentences working well for the piece. Cut one of the 'but's from the final line. I think you could lose a few 'these's and 'they's, which don't add much to the text, and thereby compress a little. Other than that, I really liked this piece (even the gimmicks - a rare example of them actually serving a purpose). Well done.

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007-Math In reply to 007-salshep [2007-01-30 14:46:16 +0000 UTC]

thanks sal. I'll put your ideas into effect when I get home today (and hopefully post another).

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CatilineConspiracy [2007-01-30 05:36:29 +0000 UTC]

"Stars pour forth
thoughts and n#mbers"

For some reason the image that line puts into my head is a torrent of binary code.

I like this poem a lot. It's got strong word choice and mostly strong word flow. I think I will fave this.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

007-Math In reply to CatilineConspiracy [2007-01-30 05:49:17 +0000 UTC]

Why thank you

Although I know a lot of writers seem to go against 'gimmicks' i find them useful when conveying imagery (n#mbers) - glad it had the effect I was going for.

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