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007-Math — Shadows
Published: 2007-03-06 05:06:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 206; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description In one's shadows you can see
   but a vague outline, for there
      is more than darkness
   in a man's heart -
at the pitchest part - you can still
    see the whites of his eyes.
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Comments: 6

007-Misaki408 [2007-03-07 23:51:55 +0000 UTC]

I'm not sure that I understood the use of the word "pitchest."

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007-Math In reply to 007-Misaki408 [2007-03-08 05:17:23 +0000 UTC]

it's in reference to darkness - pitchest black. I invented the word for my purposes >_>

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

007-Misaki408 In reply to 007-Math [2007-03-10 03:02:04 +0000 UTC]

Ha ha. All right, then.

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007-BloodyAlaizabel [2007-03-07 01:36:24 +0000 UTC]

"but a vague outline, for there
is more than darkness
in a man's heart" - i like it.

I like the ending, though it needs something to seperate it so it flows better when read.

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007-crazynloveless [2007-03-06 18:08:59 +0000 UTC]

'in a man's heart
at the pitchest part, you can still
see the whites of his eyes. "

Either you need some form of punctuation from the first line here, to the next, or that comma needs to become some different form of punctuation - semi-colon or period (full stop)? Just a thought, as it read awkwardly/wrongly to me with some confused meaning.

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007-Math In reply to 007-crazynloveless [2007-03-07 03:26:00 +0000 UTC]

i think punctuation is in order, maybe i'll end the line with a dash and then change the comma to a dash as well.

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