tk-nvme [2004-10-04 10:16:11 +0000 UTC]

In the second to last, "the past from which i run" i noticed i kept adding "must"....... "the past from which i must run"

i guess that just worked better for me. it seemed like youd left it out when i tapped the rythm of the poem out.

oh, kee.

why dont you write more.



...you could be better than me


the cliches fit

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garfield101 [2003-06-13 14:14:53 +0000 UTC]

i like the flow of the piece great work indeed you are good poet i think.

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spinning-plates [2002-10-17 21:30:46 +0000 UTC]

This is awesome. I feel that it is very relatable to me, which makes writing good. The imagery and structure, the emotions, and the personal relatability make this a poem I really really dig. I'm liking your written submissions, keep them coming!

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otter1 [2002-10-15 08:02:15 +0000 UTC]

sounds all too familiar... could it be my life transcribed??? i think so... great piece, concise and effective... all us struggling artists feel this at some point... well done.

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crazychic [2002-10-15 05:45:36 +0000 UTC]

interesting.

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ebilelf [2002-10-15 01:45:14 +0000 UTC]

i agree with cats4dinner it should be longer...
though it leaves you wanting more which is always a sing of a good piece of work.

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cats4dinner [2002-10-14 23:48:28 +0000 UTC]

the word choice and imagery is very nice. it flows quite well too

the only thing that made me is that i wanted it a little longer..... i like very much the ideas you had; delve into them. or i will for you and make poetry from it, mwahahaha! this gave me some cool ideas. concerning length, however, its not a reflection on the poems quality, just author's preference.

so overall, this was nice. gj

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epibole [2002-10-14 23:43:49 +0000 UTC]

An interesting structure. On the whole I enjoyed reading it. "Broken dreams" troubles me though; it seems far too many people suffer from these. Still, it reads well.

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