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AltaredFox — That Perfect Burning
Published: 2013-03-04 22:17:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 241; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 2
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Description That simple voice
That simple touch
That simple smell
Brings a burning to my skin

That perfect burning
It lingers for a while
As if to taunt me
Telling me it’s all gone

It tells me I can’t have it
No matter how much I try
It tells me to go away
No matter how much I want it

That perfect burning
I always miss it
I always want it to stay
To not linger and taunt

It never does
It loves to tease
Come back for a long while
And then rip it away

That perfect burning
Oh how I hate it so
Yet love it so much
Won’t it just stay a little longer?
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Comments: 7

DaveyBlazeCustoms [2013-05-16 06:16:24 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


I really Love this. It's really impressive, especially from someone so young. I particularly relate to it because on another site, my site knickname is "Every Night I Burn". One of my favorite quotes is: "What is to give light, must endure burning."~Viktor Frankl, and one of my favorite passages is by Rumi, and it's from a story called 'Moses and the Sheperd. It says this, "I want bruning, burning! Be friends with your bruning, Burn up your thinking and your forms of expression...those who pay attention to ways of behaving and speaking are one sort....
Lovers who burn.....are another." The thing I Love about his writing is that he was alive hundreds of years ago, in the 13th century, but alot of his writing is timeless and feels like it could have been written yesterday. With the words you chose, this poem is much the same way. Someone could read this 100 years from now and know the burning that you're speaking of. That's a really special thing.

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AltaredFox In reply to DaveyBlazeCustoms [2013-05-16 21:40:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for another critique! I like how you compared me to others that you enjoy, that makes me even happier. Especially on this piece because I really wanted some feedback.

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DaveyBlazeCustoms In reply to AltaredFox [2013-05-17 00:21:02 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome, and you earned it. This is really a great poem.

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Seeker-Wolf [2013-03-04 22:20:22 +0000 UTC]

agreed...I see a few different paths set by the words.

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AltaredFox In reply to Seeker-Wolf [2013-03-04 22:38:23 +0000 UTC]

What paths do you see?

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Seeker-Wolf In reply to AltaredFox [2013-03-05 00:13:48 +0000 UTC]

drug addiction, love not returned...sex addiction..

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AltaredFox In reply to Seeker-Wolf [2013-03-05 02:07:33 +0000 UTC]

Ah, I can see that. I didn't even think of the addictions, those are good

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