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AlterEgo1629 — Sold My Soul
Published: 2009-09-13 22:52:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 257; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 6
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Description
Undo this deed,This callous creed,
That binds me to his will.
These blood-bathed hands,
That Death demands,
His fury I fulfill.
My mercy masked,
True terror tasked,
Death I dare not defy.
Ribbons of dread,
The skin that I shred,
Drenched in ruby red dye.
Closing in on damnation's door,
The motionless mess on forsaken floor.
No tears shed as Death's bell tolls.
A slash of silver,
I deliver,
Death's broken beautiful souls.
Copyright © 2009-2011 LYNETTE EMERY. All rights reserved.
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Comments: 19
Another great one. And I just got done commenting about your upbeat poems! lol A mix is a good thing, I do it too. The dark, the light it's all out there isn't it? This has superb rhythm until the line "closing damnations door" then it falters quite a bit. It's a shame because it has excellent flow up until that point. I would re-work those last few lines and keep the wonderful flow. Your words and meaning are fine, it just need to keep that beat.
I would also break it up into its natural structure of three line stanza's. It cries for it:
Undo this deed,
This callous creed,
That binds me to his will.
These blood-bathed hands,
That Death demands,
His fury I fulfill.
My mercy masked,
True terror tasked,
Death I dare not defy.
Ribbons of dread,
The skin that I shred,
Drenched in ruby red dye.
A very nice poem overall, good quality work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Firstly: thank you very much for the kind words.
Secondly: I agree with what you said. This is one of my older poems, and I hadn't looked it over too much. I like the idea of breaking it up. I tried re-working it for a little bit, but I wasn't able too because I am too attached to it's old ways.
Thirdly: thank you for going so indepth and take the time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You are welcome. I knew it was one of your older ones. I was kind of creeping on all ur old stuff! And no problem...I love it when people give me that kind of feedback. It helps us grow!
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I really love the rhyming you used. 
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Thank you very much for your kind words
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They were well deserved.
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This was done well. I could never rhyme that well. Lol.
For the most part, the poem flows very well, but there are a couple lines that bother me. If I adjust the emphasis that definitely fixes it, so it's probably just that I say things weird. Lol.
The end started to remind me of Poe's "The Bells".
Again... good job.
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yeah, i feel that way sometimes. short, sick, and sweet! its golden.
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Thank you! :hugs:
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Awe, thank you! ^.^ Your opinion means so much :3
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Aw, makes me glad :3 <3
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