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Published: 2010-01-10 19:33:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 395; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 8
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Description
Drawn for a Daily Drawing prompt.I drew the first page back in Ocotober, and finally got back to it with the second page now.
Drawn using various ink pens, including a Pentel brush pen.
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Comments: 4
I don't have a subscription, so here's my critique:
In general I've been told that it's not a good idea to break the 180 rule - the relative positions of the characters shouldn't change more than 180 degrees from shot to shot.
The last panel is very nice and dramatic, but there's no transition between looking straight on the dude who finds the egg and then looking at his back. Plus the Phoenix breaks through the previous panel (which you may have been doing on purpose, but it still causes the flow of action to become very confusing). The angle of the shot needs to be less extreme, or you need to add intermediate panels so that the splash panel camera angle shift isn't so sudden.
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Yeah, I don't like the whole two-class comment system, either. :/
As to your comment, are you sure it's 180°? I mean, if an angle changes by 200° clockwise, that's the same as 160° counterclockwise, so changes would always be less than 180°. Or is elevation put in there somehow, too?
Anyway, considering that, I guess a better transition would have been having the second panel in profile (those always seem so "schematic", to me, though :/) and pulling back a bit further, using it both to show the cracking egg and the surprised reaction. That'd have avoided the panel with the cracking egg and arms melding with the splash panel. That melding was something I wanted to experiment with, so I'm glad you addressed it, even if the result is rather negative.
Thanks a lot for your in-depth comment.
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Sorry I couldn't explain it better, try [link]
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Thanks. Mh, so the problem would have to be the closeup of the egg, because in all other panels the egg/bird is to the left, and the person to the right.
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