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ApocalypticReignbow — Is It Raining With You?
Published: 2011-08-05 19:53:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 482; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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LAYMAN'S (or LAZY MAN'S) SUMMARY OF THE EMOTIONAL NONSENSE BELOW:I AM FEELING SHITTY. HAVE BEEN FEELING SHITTY, AND I AM NOT SURE HOW LONG IT WILL LAST.
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It goes in and out like most feelings do but...
This time the rain feels different than other times. I do not dare ask for sympathy, for a few reasons, however, the emotions need to come out, because I feel I've hurt myself in a way that I am not sure I can recover from, and I've been hurt, but it's my fault it happened in the first place.
I sacrificed things I shouldn't have inside myself and outside myself as well, which has in turn made me very angry with myself.
It brought back memories from a long time ago, but also new ones that I think may have.....caused some kind of 'poison' or something that there's not really a word for. It has something to do with destroying my own pride, and having it destroyed, and it sickens me.
From the inside, all I can do is show how 'he' is feeling and how 'he' is dealing with it, which is why the drawings need to come out and be shown.
From the outside...something is wrong with me and I can't really show my emotions, and if they do come out it's anger, and I can't even cry. What a strange emotion.
How I feel when I am upset or happy often makes me wonder if others feel it in the same way...Often times I think not, that people can only feel 'similar' but not on the same wavelength exactly, but I know not and I think that is what bothers me most about how everyone is different but 'the same'. I guess I need to get through that somehow.
I know this was an experiment for myself, my last....'huzzah' before I feel ....well I'm not sure, but I know it was the last time for something. And it was very dissapointing, whatever it is that I have given up. Not...'given up'...there's not a word for where it went or what it is. . . I'm really not sure exactly. I kept trying to put words for it, but I haven't been able to yet. Dreams, hope, heart, none of them describe what it is that I have given up.
Whatever it is, I feel very "dead." but still feeling a very sickening emotion in addition.
Couple days ago I wanted to name it just "DAMNIT!" but...
...as the drawing progressed this song popped into my head instead (the lyrics as I interpreted them, made me think of how I was feeling) :
Here Comes the Rain Again by The Eurythmics
Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you?
So baby talk to me
Like lovers do
Walk with me
Like lovers do
Talk to me
Like lovers do
Here comes the rain again
Raining in my head like a tragedy
Tearing me apart like a new emotion
Oooooh
I want to breathe in the open wind
I want to kiss like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you?
So baby talk to me
Like lovers do
Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
(Here is comes again, here it comes again)
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you
------
Hear/Watch it on Youtube. I like the 80s...
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Comments: 15
To quote Gir " awww, somebody needs a hug!" sorry I suck at being serious
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Thanks ^^. it's ok, sometimes it's good to be simple and to the point. *hugs*
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<...Everyone is different, yet has similarities. And yes, it's a bit frustrating to feel/think that no one else feels exactly the same way you do. It's probably, true. Of course, there are many who've felt something similar, maybe lesser or greater than we have. We are not alone in feeling, but we are alone in the way that the only one who knows how we feel exactly are ourselves. We can project our emotions and feelings into words, actions, music, art, and etc. but it will never be fully effective due to perception and how we all interpret things differently...>
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Sometimes I think if two people (in a number of different kinds of relationships- whether it be lover or friend) are the same way, or feeling very similar, like if each person is matched in the same way, for instance (same kind of people) sometimes there's a role switch. For instance, if one person usually acts or is used to acting as the person that protects the other (playing the angel), sometimes the other person feels comfortable enough to play the other role for once, but if there aren't checks and balances with each other ...one will feel as if they are doing all the work once again. And then, the other acts selfish, and feels selfish (if they are self aware and feels terrible), and the other person sees themselves doing what they usually do again (taking care of the other person)...and finally perhaps (after however many times) they decide to do something for themselves for once, so they feel the need to purge themselves of that person- or at least some of the care given before they get in any deeper. And the other person will feel very upset that the same thing has happened to them once again ...that they've been left in the dust and forgotten about, or just wounded when the other person moves on, or closes themselves off to an extent, even if it was their own fault.
I believe this means, from a summary standpoint, that if two people are too similar to one another, especially in the sense that kind of 'butt heads' if you will, they will in the end, will either decide to play one role or the other (one gives in, or one succeeds in trying to top the other one in generosity and selflessness for instance), will be able to successfully keep a balance (if a number of other aspects of the relationship are also turning out in their favor) , or decide to part ways due to the aforementioned other factors (be it technical, physical or emotional issues) also not turning out in their favor, or becoming difficult, unmanageable, or unable to be overcome.
I think the more a person works on trying to express themselves, the easier they can be read and understood. Even if it's not perfect, one might feel more fulfilled if they are able to get the expression on a character's face a little more accurate to how they see it in their head for instance.
I think this is how I feel about it with these drawings i've been doing lately. The more I sit and try and get my visuals to accurately describe or display my emotions, the better I feel that I've gotten them out. It makes me proud of myself, as a positive accomplishment, something that makes it so that I can move on,or at least feel a little better, since no amount of whining directly to the person/people I'm upset with will really do me a whole lot of good, other than make me appear very selfish...and well...pathetic. Even though my initial reaction might be to whine or cry my eyes out at this person/people. I think it's unhealthy to be completely selfless, as much as it's unhealthy to be very selfish.
Wow. That turned out accurate and now I feel. but now I feel as if i'm going to pass out (been a long day, and i am physically tired).
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<..Haha, the first big paragraph sounds like you're describing you and me. O_o...>
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Don't ya mean Jennius? Nah, nevermind that doesn't work.
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Lol...I just re-read this. When the hell did I get so smart? This actually makes a lot of sense in general which is pretty unlike me. I think maybe I don't think so deeply into things as I used to.
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I know what you mean. I used to write a lot of poems and such, but I don't anymore. I think we're just tired and busy with life.
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*how I feel
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