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Published: 2002-01-20 18:44:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 232; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 25
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Description
.rain beats
ocean blue
in between
me and you
sky torn
if i die
before i wake
ill kiss you
in my sleep
promised to be
one and only
swear
please dont go
your smile on your back
your knives in my back
i dont want you back
what do you
sing with love
in your heart
and stones
in your hands
i dance
dont hold
onto us
when theres nothing
left
to hold
you got love for pain
you got pain for love
you got love for pain for love
for pain for love stained
by love
and if i go
into the rain
did you ever
see the beauty
of my
failures
again
dont hug me
when all i have
is love
love and friendship
betrayed
.
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Comments: 2
keen [2002-01-20 21:45:51 +0000 UTC]
this is your greatest impact, in my opinion:
'rain beats
ocean blue
in between
me and you'
nice, tight, image. would it be possible to build more along this image? the rest of the poem, while interesting just doesn't seem to fit for me.
now, realize this: you do seem to favor the abstract style, something which i slide into every now and then... but there is something to be said for the piece that ten people would examine and derive ten different images...
slip into:
https://www.deviantart.com/deviation.php? id=96646
-flow-
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
klf [2002-01-20 18:52:19 +0000 UTC]
smooth flow the repetition and slight play on words, really works througout.
you got love for pain
you got pain for love
you got love for pain for love
for pain for love stained
by love
says much, wonderful poetry.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0





