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atsy — Cold Embrace
Published: 2011-08-23 03:45:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 229; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description Wrapping its arms
Around me,
Gently kissing my nose;
Such a chilling encounter
Of heavy breath
And frosty windowpanes,
Of children dancing
In winter's white tears
As I am frozen
In its cold embrace
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Comments: 3

WilloftheWarrior [2011-08-27 02:06:03 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

projectsonic [2011-08-23 04:38:23 +0000 UTC]

Short short non-PM critique!

I applaud this. I love the use of punctuation, an area that I still need work in. Your wording is simple and clear, yet brings a sticking picture in mind, capturing the intended vision very well. I feel it could be a little longer and benefit in just a tiny bit more length, like it's a piece of something larger. Then again though... in a way it's better like this; the piece is rather about emotion than a story.

I'm quite impressed.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

atsy In reply to projectsonic [2011-08-23 04:50:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you I really appreciate this. Punctuation is something I am always iffy about, so I'm glad it worked in this. I tried expanding this, but it just lost its meaning or lost the way it sounded, so I left it short.

Thank you for your time

👍: 0 ⏩: 0