HOME | DD

Description
Here it is:
In plain black and white,
The truth.
Shades of gray,
Like etchings of graphite
From a pencil,
Filling in the uncertainties.
But here, aqui:
Son las problemas,
The reasons I cry.
'Tis not for feight-hearted souls,
Nor for pity,
Nor to give you nightmares.
Here is the place
My mind travels to,
Every night.
Here are the ghosts,
The skeletons in my closet,
The reason I jump out of my skin
At the slightest touch.
The reason I am terrified
To go to sleep,
Or to wake up.
This is the darkness.
I was molested.
This isn't for you,
For pity,
Nor anything else.
This is for me,
For healing,
Becuase this isn't easy.
Breaking the silence is never easy,
Especially when it is a weight,
A shadow, a secret
That you've been burdened with for years.
My step-brother is almost
Three years older,
And he's golden at telling lies
And making everyone believe him.
I know this more than anybody.
And he, at one point,
Never had the relationships he has now.
He took advantage of me.
He made me rub hi-
(My hands are shaking as I'm writing this)
He made me rub his penis.
He called it a game,
I didn't want to play.
And I wonder now why I never said no,
Why I never ran,
And I hate myself for it every day.
He molested me.
And I'm the one feeling guilty.
He made me lick him,
Pulled down my pants and touched me
(I feel like I'm going to vomit)
Please, don't judge me.
I already see it,
You casting me out:
Damaged, broken goods.
All I ever wanted with this
Was to not to have to be silent.
It's the first step of shedding this...
This terror, and a giant leap into
Healing. I want to be
A survivor.
And it doesn't help.
You know what I need.
And you can't even be reliable enough to stick it out.
You aren't a true friend.
Look, I can see you running now.
You don't want to admit these things can happen,
But they do.
They happened to me,
The most horrible nightmares you can imagine,
Based on true events.
And someday, you'll learn to accept it.
(I'm still working on accepting it)
Someday, you'll realize bad things are real life
(One day, I'll realize that I'm OKAY)
I hope you still aren't running.
Running away from everything,
Running from youself.
It doesn't work,
One day you'll come face to face with the truth.
I know that you know.
You know what you did to me,
It wasn't playing doctor,
It was so much more that you'll ever admit.
And I must repent for this, but:
I hope you burn in hell for what you did.
Someday I'll walk away.
Someday, I won't be the broken girl on the sidewalk.
Someday, I will walk away,
Away from the hidden girl, the secret girl,
The girl who always cried.
Someday I'll walk away from everything,
Someday I'll walk away from you.
(Some day I'll be okay.)

Description
Here it is:
In plain black and white,
The truth.
Shades of gray,
Like etchings of graphite
From a pencil,
Filling in the uncertainties.
But here, aqui:
Son las problemas,
The reasons I cry.
'Tis not for feight-hearted souls,
Nor for pity,
Nor to give you nightmares.
Here is the place
My mind travels to,
Every night.
Here are the ghosts,
The skeletons in my closet,
The reason I jump out of my skin
At the slightest touch.
The reason I am terrified
To go to sleep,
Or to wake up.
This is the darkness.
I was molested.
This isn't for you,
For pity,
Nor anything else.
This is for me,
For healing,
Becuase this isn't easy.
Breaking the silence is never easy,
Especially when it is a weight,
A shadow, a secret
That you've been burdened with for years.
My step-brother is almost
Three years older,
And he's golden at telling lies
And making everyone believe him.
I know this more than anybody.
And he, at one point,
Never had the relationships he has now.
He took advantage of me.
He made me rub hi-
(My hands are shaking as I'm writing this)
He made me rub his penis.
He called it a game,
I didn't want to play.
And I wonder now why I never said no,
Why I never ran,
And I hate myself for it every day.
He molested me.
And I'm the one feeling guilty.
He made me lick him,
Pulled down my pants and touched me
(I feel like I'm going to vomit)
Please, don't judge me.
I already see it,
You casting me out:
Damaged, broken goods.
All I ever wanted with this
Was to not to have to be silent.
It's the first step of shedding this...
This terror, and a giant leap into
Healing. I want to be
A survivor.
And it doesn't help.
You know what I need.
And you can't even be reliable enough to stick it out.
You aren't a true friend.
Look, I can see you running now.
You don't want to admit these things can happen,
But they do.
They happened to me,
The most horrible nightmares you can imagine,
Based on true events.
And someday, you'll learn to accept it.
(I'm still working on accepting it)
Someday, you'll realize bad things are real life
(One day, I'll realize that I'm OKAY)
I hope you still aren't running.
Running away from everything,
Running from youself.
It doesn't work,
One day you'll come face to face with the truth.
I know that you know.
You know what you did to me,
It wasn't playing doctor,
It was so much more that you'll ever admit.
And I must repent for this, but:
I hope you burn in hell for what you did.
Someday I'll walk away.
Someday, I won't be the broken girl on the sidewalk.
Someday, I will walk away,
Away from the hidden girl, the secret girl,
The girl who always cried.
Someday I'll walk away from everything,
Someday I'll walk away from you.
(Some day I'll be okay.)