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Beaple — wake
Published: 2012-02-18 06:26:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 698; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 5
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Description
SometimesI wish
someone
would
sneak in
while I'm sleeping
and nuzzle up
into my armpit
and push
the muzzle of a gun
under my chin
and pull
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Comments: 10
bang, bang. twice. just to make sure.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Your luck, it'd turn out to be a stungun. Lotsa ouch...
and you still wake up in the morning...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Look. I want to have this big, elaborate comment, because I never say what I want to in short words, but this. This is so frightening, and so fucking real. I can't give you a monologue. It's just. Raw.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Nothing good
or nothing bad?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Have you never had the experience of reading something, being engaged, and finding that there is no commentary possible?
Don't push me or I will find something to criticize.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lol! I understand - thank you for keeping me in line.
There wasn't any editing done to this, exactly. I played with the line breaks to help the visual pacing, but that's all. The rhymes are all really sloppy - but does it sound okay? (I trust your opinion on sounds) For some reason, I've been doing this thing lately where I dangerously skate the line between rhyme and non-rhyme, throwing in rhymes here and there, and slanting my rhymes and stilting my rhythms HARD - and I don't really know that it's working for me. So, any comments on this would actually be welcome. You're my favorite critic! Or maybe my favorite editor?
Something - you facilitate the editorial process.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
