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Blanke — Magna Core Trial 7
Published: 2009-05-27 19:12:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 255; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Click Download to read the PDF. Or go here: [link] if you can't download PDFs. (RTF files will open no matter what software you do or don't have. )It's 26 pages long (I think). But, just like dungeons in Legend of Zelda, you don't have to do the whole thing in one sitting. Anyway, it's only a first draft, so critique is needed. Don't hesitate to tell me anything you think I should fix, content or mechanics-wise.
Either Terra just got a hole punched through her shoulder and she's trying to fix it with a cheap healing spell, or that suit is just really, really itchy.
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Comments: 5
But...but... I like beating Zelda dungeons in one sitting! You don't hace to begin form the temple entrance, at least.
On with my comment, awesome chapter. It had some interesting lore. That Nefas book really gives some good depth to the in-universe. And again, I love your awesome metephors. However, I don't really like the find 'x' number of ancient artifacts device. I deel it's a little dull. Then again, people who are unfamiliar with RPGs probably won't notice. There are a couple of mistakes here and there, but it's nothing a second reading can't solve. Of those I remember, you mispelled 'knight' as 'night' in page 12. Oh, but look who's talking: elnefashu, The King of Typos himself.
I really liked the action here, it balances out all that book-reading very nicely. Oh, and the references you made too. The 'C' thing was brilliant, as well as Dras' cameo.
There is a thing, though. All the battles in the novel so far have been fought with around five combatants and prove to be quite epic. However, I was picturing in my head what a full-scaled war between magnites and hellspawn would be like. You know, with thousands of people/summons/etc. fighting at the same time on each side. Too awesome for words?
Hmmm...new characters. I think I rememember a sketch of Akira from a long while ago. He was the fire-oriented Magnite, wasn't he?
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Oh, wait. I lied. Akira isn't the guy I drew for the Fire element in the manga's prologue. That guy is actually Akira's older brother.
Here's an old sketch of Akira: [link]
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Actually, that is the sketch I remembered. Thanks anyways.
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Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed this one.
Good point with the "Find 8 Artifacts" plot device. I was actually thinking more along the lines of "Find the Dragon Balls" than "Find and crawl through 8 dungeons with a new tool and a new boss in each one." You'll find that the emphasis is still on trying to stop an empire from expanding, than it is about trying to find dungeons.
Another fine point with the battles. You'll find that as Jason's party keeps growing, so does Altair's army. The midpoint of the story is actually a full-scale siege across Reborn Earth's equivalent of New York City.
Yup, Akira is the Fire-based dude from a while back. He fits the "Main Character Lite" archetype.
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See? I wasn't lying. Three typos in that paragraph, probably more.
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