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Blanke — Magna Core, Trial 8
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Published: 2009-06-30 20:57:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 151; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Mature content warning for typical manga violence. It's only writing, and nothing too drastic, but it has some people that get stabbed into the ground, a gouged out eye and a severed arm.
This chapter felt really weird for me, because I'm not used to beating the living crap out of of my own good guys. I don't believe the main character should have a spotless win-loss record just because he's the main character. He should learn from losses, instead of being the godmode hero.
By the way, nobody "isn't good enough" to recommend anything to me or point out mistakes in my writing. If anything confuses you, if I made a typo, or even if I just typed in the wrong word, you're welcome to point it out. This is a first draft. It needs input for revisions.
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Comments: 2
Well, in the past I've praised your ability to mix the action with plot advance and character development. But this chapter really had more action than anything else. Still, that awesome last paragraph manages to dispel any notion of the story getting stuck. Nice
Also, "Maximillian may join battle himself"...that's a prediction I'd ceertainly love to see fulfilled.
Just one thing bothered me, though and that is Null's character. You said she was the second most intelligent Hellspawn, yet in this chapter she seems...well, sort of awfully predictable. I guess her manipulative nature just didn't seem to shine here.
Also, you didn't constantly switch between the Null vs Terra fight and the Void vs Everyone portion, yet you managed to keep them both as one sole event. I appreciate that. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks for the review!
Yeah, the main purpose of this chapter was really just to have Jason get the crap knocked out of him, so it's pretty action-heavy. But that beating has a purpose for the big picture.
I see what you mean about Null in this chapter. I was actually going to have another segment of her fight with Terra in this where she gets into mind games. (I.E.: masking an opiate with a toxin. Terra would cut herself open to bleed out what she assumes is a poison. But Null can always send out a fake, making Terra cut herself for nothing. Or ignore it and suffer. ) But, due to length issues I had to cut that out.
Hopefully that last bit for how Terra and Null's fight ends will stand out. If not, I'll have to elaborate. I wanted to imply that Null hasn't played a single card from her hand yet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0