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bubblemoth ā aries
Published: 2013-01-29 22:32:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 391; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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she is reckless, oh she's a live wireshe's killing herself, oh she knows
Aries burns in her own fire.
stupid child, she can't control desire.
she cannot stop her highs and lows.
she is reckless, oh, she's a live wire.
she hurts herself to scramble higher
her love and hate and passion grows
Aries burns in her own fire.
she's always been a baby, a crier.
she abuses herself, oh it shows
she is reckless oh she's a live wire.
all around her can't help but admire
just how well she fits in with crows
Aries burns in her own fire.
it's time for the ram to expire
for this is the only path she chose
she is reckless, oh! she's a live wire
Aries burns in her own fire.
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Comments: 31
Hey, you. I trundled down your way from a.deviantart.net/avatars/g/r/gā¦ " alt=" " title="GrammarNaziCritiques" />, and here's some words about poetry:
Good lord, villanelles are terrifying. I looked up the format and promptly 'nope'd' right out of there. God forbid anyone ever ask me to write one; I'd butcher it and then myself. You've made an excellent job of it, and it has really solid rhythm and theme.
I'm not sure how original zodiac-based poetry is, but it's a well-expressed theme, delivered clearly and with style.
Does the villanelle style work for this theme?
I do rather think so. By the very nature of Aries, she's doomed to repeat her own mistakes again and again. It might not have been fully intentional, but it thematically drives the point home: she's reckless, and will be forever.
Is the metaphor for the crows clear?
I frowned a little when I reached it. I'm not entirely sure it makes sense, and it feels like you really reached for it, sort of artificial. Most of the rest flows very well, but crows stand out both thematically (they're not a very dynamic animal) and as an analogy.
Do you get the symbolism of the fire?
Self-sabotage, and that she's a redhead e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/sā¦ " width="15" height="15" alt="
Given that it's the refrain of the poem, there's no chance of missing it, and it's a pretty clear symbol. At least, I think. I might have missed the point and actually it's an analogy for goats or something.
Is the variation in the punctuation of "she is reckless..." effective?
I didn't notice 'till I read this question, to be honest. It's a nice touch, but it doesn't stand out. Then again, the subtle touches are the best, and if you don't notice it, it doesn't actually detract from the poem, and if you do, it adds.
Have all the hugs because this is pretty cool. I rather think a little more variation in some of the lines could be interesting, but the format is a bit restrictive in that respect, anyhow. Villanelles, gah.
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ohhhh my gosh i forgot i submitted this to that group I FORGOT THIS EXISTED ACTUALLY
the first time i read a villanelle i was like "hahah this is easy" then i wrote one. im happy you think i did a good job though, fixed forms are hellish.
that aside, i used "crows" as a metaphor for the outcasts. i think i was obsessed with bird imagery at the time.. that and i was probably running out of stuff to rhyme at that point.
i used "fire" because the element connected with aries in astrology is fire, actually! though this was initially about a specific character (with black hair) redhead is probably a better idea. most people connect redheads with being spirited and well, that'd be a good image for this poem.
im sorry if my reply is a bit vague cause i HONESTLY dont really remember writing this. i've writted 3 fixed form poems in my life and erased the memory of all of them.
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I read the villanelle you linked to: haunting, but rather more opaque than I expected.
Fixed form is a real bother, and having never had the knack for poetry, I just avoid writing it like the plague. Not a literal plague, though, but near enough.
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Ooh! Ooh! Did you do a pisces one? 
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I like the villanelle. Although I am slightly offended since I am aries, it's all true about your post xD we're on pms 24-7 and it's as if we're naturally bipolar. Well done pal c;
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don't worry it's not aimed at all aries people! just the negative side. im glad you like it!
and in reply to your second comment, though i haven't done one in aaaages, pisces IS next on my list, so ill probably post it soon. uwu
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I shall watch you! Yes I really enjoyed it and the virgo one!
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gosh thank you! uwu
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OMG...villanelles...they murdered me in my high school creative writing class. 
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at least they're easy to learn because of the repetition i suppose!
also ahh thank you so much! i'm actually doing a series on zodiacs right now!
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That's true.
You're very welcome! 
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i will, im actually a scorpio too haha! i have a folder for them and i'm doing libra at the moment (for a friend) ill probably do scorpio after that. uvu
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I like this a lot. It's really well written. I hope I can be this good someday!
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wheezes thank you so much omg <3
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No problem! It's true!
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I very much like this. You should check out some of my pieces too! lol XD
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Very nice and well done. I quite enjoyed this piece.
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thank you very much! uvu
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Your welcome. Would you mind reading some of my work?
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of course not, i'll have a look now!
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Okay, well I reccomend my short stories and thanks for the fave on my poem. How is it?
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man your poetry's really nice! and your short stories are cool too, keep up writing! uwu
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Really what did you like?
And your profile doesn't say are you male or female?
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well the poems i favorited, and your featured piece (stainless pity)!
yes i don't generally tell people my gender as it's private, same with my name and age :U
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It is just gender.
Oh you read Stainless Pity? That was quick. Well what did you like about my writing style/
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i consider myself a pretty quick reader! you have a very descriptive writing style and that particular piece incorporated historical facts which im very fond of!! i'd say more but i'm really not good at saying what i like about stuff? it's just like... i like it, heh.
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Okay. Are you interested in reading more? What about the characters?
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i would love to but im afraid i dont have the time right now! it's nearly midnight where i live and i have tests all this week, but i can come back to you on saturday if that's ok? uvu
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