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bucketsofclass — fears.
Published: 2010-07-16 14:34:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 145; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description staring into the open mouth of a dead carnivorous animal. ever since i was a child. especially going to a museum & looking into the mouth of a tyrannasaurus rex or maybe the jungle exhibit, looking into the mouth of a taxidermy figure of an alligator. basically any dead reptile or anything with long, sharp teeth. even though i know it's dead or has been dead for millions of years, i feel like it's staring directly at me & wants to take it's large teeth & drive them through my torso & use my skeleton as part of it's display.

the ocean. looking into the big, open space where i can't see farther than a mile or less. there could be something waiting for me, like in a nightmare i had as a child where i was in a diving bell, then the further down i got the more i could see something like... it looked like a chinese dragon, though in the dream it was the loch-ness monster.
further into the ocean, sharks. it's a common fear, but it's something about their eyes & their rows of teeth that strike terror into my heart.

further into the open spaces, there's outer space. our personal solar system is fine, but the further you get, the more afraid i am. i mean, i am interested in it, but i think if i were ever in a space shuttle hurdling toward some new galazy lightyears away, i would be utterly terrified.

holes. orifices. pores. those frogs that carry their eggs on their back, then the frogs jump out of the back from their pores. i hate popping thick blackheads, because there's only an empty space. it's almost like you can see the layer underneath the surface of the epidermis. maybe i don't even know what i'm talking about, i don't know.

further into orifices, i'm not really scared of mouths or ears or vaginas, it's perfectly round empty holes. like, there was this one fucked up japanese comic i read where this girl began to generate holes all over her body. she kept putting her fingers in them, saying how they felt like tiny vaginas. then at the end, the holes were over her entire body. it's just... disgusting. so, i'm not sure if it's a fear or just something that disgusts me. but either way, when i see anything porous i want to kill it with FIRE.

the point between life & death. not death itself, just the border between when i'm taking my last breath & when i finally close my eyes. knowing that the people around me when i'm dying are probably going to miss me (depending on if i die at home or on a rollercoaster). i don't want to end up in what i thought as a child - in my grave, in the dark, just living through my dead body in a grave. which is why i want to be cremated & painted. so i can atleast watch other people's lives when i die.

sleepwalking. it's personal, seeing as i've done it more than a few times. i used to wake up & walk around the house, then go back to sleep, then wake up the next morning thinking it was a dream. eventually, i learned the difference between realistic dreams & sleepwalking "dreams". a couple months ago, i remember "waking up" in my bunk bed, seeing the door open, hearing pounding, frantic footsteps going from my room down the hall to downstairs.

further into the opening door, i'm afraid of things i can't see. ghostly entities, i suppose you could call them. it's an irrational fear, but it's a fear nonetheless.

further into things i can't see... THE DARK. dark rooms. dark corners. dark houses. dark buildings. buildings that aren't entirely dark but have that emergency light on, like the ones you see at a little plaza that sells cheap wedding dresses or something. just slightly lit up, something in the corner waiting for you. jesus fucking christ, there is nothing more that i hate than the dark. i can't be alone. if i open my eyes, i see flashes of light, then discolourations, then faces. if i close my eyes, i can still see them. faces...i've seen those faces since i was a child. dark, humanoid-shaped creatures, barely held together by fragments of light & my imagination. those faces... they like to look at me. stare at me when i sleep. i see one right now, in the kitchen. i'm surrounded by light, but the kitchen is completely dark. he's just staring at me.

STARING.
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Comments: 6

WordAsylum [2010-07-17 06:02:50 +0000 UTC]

Awesome. I even got a little freaked out reading this.

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bucketsofclass In reply to WordAsylum [2010-07-17 06:03:31 +0000 UTC]

that's AWESOME. i love doing that.

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WordAsylum In reply to bucketsofclass [2010-07-17 06:05:43 +0000 UTC]

Especially the end, just gave me chills lol. And the part about the japanese comic... Damn, hentai can be pretty fucked up.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bucketsofclass In reply to WordAsylum [2010-07-17 06:14:32 +0000 UTC]

i know dude, i wish i could find the sauce.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordAsylum In reply to bucketsofclass [2010-07-17 06:16:40 +0000 UTC]

the sauce?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bucketsofclass In reply to WordAsylum [2010-07-17 06:17:07 +0000 UTC]

another word for source.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0