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today, i feel empty.

yesterday i wondered what would happen if i had everything i'd ever wanted. i wondered what i would do if i was smart and pretty and neat and interesting and people loved me and you loved me and if it would matter.
because i would have everything and you would pale in comparison like how your skin does as i retch blood from my hands and the scratches are swollen and you don't know what to say and my nails won't stop and the chipping metallic blue looks dirty brown-black and i don't know what to say to make you stop and leave me alone
i don't think i would change.
because i'm a selfish bitch and i want you in the palm of my hand and i want to break you and i want to break everything and then i want you to love me when i come sighing and lying to you, crying dying trying, trying again.
but there are no second chances for people like me.
and i've realized that maybe i don't love you,
i want your love.
i want your warmth, i want to steal you away and never let you see the world again and let you let me be your everything, just like you are. i'd bury my face in your dark hair and it wouldn't matter if all i could see was pitch black, because that would be everything i'd ever known.
for the first time, i could feel alive, and maybe i'd learn to love you, maybe maybe maybe please
don't leave me here to die.

today, i felt empty.

pleasedon't leave me here.

Description
today, i feel empty.

yesterday i wondered what would happen if i had everything i'd ever wanted. i wondered what i would do if i was smart and pretty and neat and interesting and people loved me and you loved me and if it would matter.
because i would have everything and you would pale in comparison like how your skin does as i retch blood from my hands and the scratches are swollen and you don't know what to say and my nails won't stop and the chipping metallic blue looks dirty brown-black and i don't know what to say to make you stop and leave me alone
i don't think i would change.
because i'm a selfish bitch and i want you in the palm of my hand and i want to break you and i want to break everything and then i want you to love me when i come sighing and lying to you, crying dying trying, trying again.
but there are no second chances for people like me.
and i've realized that maybe i don't love you,
i want your love.
i want your warmth, i want to steal you away and never let you see the world again and let you let me be your everything, just like you are. i'd bury my face in your dark hair and it wouldn't matter if all i could see was pitch black, because that would be everything i'd ever known.
for the first time, i could feel alive, and maybe i'd learn to love you, maybe maybe maybe please
don't leave me here to die.

today, i felt empty.

pleasedon't leave me here.