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Description
Delayed Consequences

773 Days
7 Hours
25 Minutes
30 Seconds

That's how long it has been
The apex of that decision
When I sat at this screen
And made the last incision
I turned against my mind
Staring down upon the blade
Knowing I'd soon be blind
I should have been afraid

I resorted to mutilation
It was rash and immature
Acting out of desperation
I just wanted to make sure
I had to erase my longing
As feelings made me weak
I'd no hope of belonging
Because I'm but a freak

The plan was a success
I escaped the mental hell
Dismissing my distress
Breaking from her spell
The process may be violent
But new clarity was born
All emotions fell silent
I emerged reborn

773 Days
7 Hours
25 Minutes
30 Seconds

It took that long to realise
I had made a grave mistake
Span my own coffin of lies
Trapped within I lie awake
Face to face with the void
A chasm of my own creation
Surveying all I had destroyed
A world of devastation

I can still argue the case
Why I murdered my emotions
It remains easy to retrace
Those logical conclusions
No feelings mean no pain
An impervious resistance
Death, loss - all the same
All met with indifference

773 Days
7 Hours
25 Minutes
30 Days

I miss my imagination
It as a casualty of war
I can't feel affection
Not like I could before
I'm heartless and cold
Damaged beyond all repair
Bitterly growing old
I just want to care