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CaptainMiserable — The Minotaur
by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-07-22 04:01:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 147; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description
Through the dankest of nightsThrough the darkest of days
I may seem lost
Forever eluding the true sight
Leading myself
Through a never ending labyrinth
That may forever trap myself in bondage
Deep ties strap to my soul
Keeping me stranded in the abyss
All my calls went unanswered
The screams going unnoticed
People outside the stone walls
Hoping they would end
Just to not be annoyed by my pain
I thought the creature would get me
Hooves clanking in the dark
Its horns covered in hardened gore
Its call scared what was left of me
Everyone around walked by and ignored
You didn't
You helped me through
And led me back with a yarn of gold
Away from the beast locked in my heart
I needed you
And you will always need me.
But not as much as the beast needs us
Goodbye.
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Comments: 4
That may forever trap myself in bondage = myself --> me
Just to not be annoyed by my pain = good line, people in pain are annoying, aren't they?
And led me back with yarn of gold = with A yarn
I needed you/ And you will always need me = given that the speaker was just saved by the other, this ending seems oddly self-serving and more covetous than grateful. Almost as if the speaker is using himself as a bait to trap the other.
Generally, good poem, good buildup but I didn't care for the ending.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks for the critique, I fixed some of the grammar and added something to make the poem a little darker
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Really like the new ending!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
