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Description
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Do you ever wish that your kitchen was self-operating? Do you like the idea of pressing a few simple buttons and having all of your meals ready-to-eat the moment you want them? What about watching a pair of supple breasts bounce over them while they're being made, but without the nagging and babbling of a wife?

Here is a sneak peak at our new Smart KitchenMaid (TM), open for ordering soon!

Product Description

Smart KitchenMaid (TM) is the kitchen of the future. Product comes with renovation services to prepare your kitchen area for its new live-in Maid! Pruned of natural legs and forearms, your Maid has been permanently enclosed up to the waist inside a high-tech, titanium mobile unit. Your Maid will live in this unit 24/7, and never needs to be removed for feeding, sleeping, passing waste, or bathing! The mobile unit also has an extendable/collapsible section to allow your Maid to reach places both high and low, such as a cabinet's top shelf or the lower oven. Upon purchase of your Maid unit, our installation crew will come to outfit your kitchen with the necessary home accessories (detailed below). Your Maid has also had its mouth sealed and vocal folds excised, so never again will you have to suffer the nagging and rambling that wives provide when working in the kitchen. Your Maid's eyes have been replaced with natural-looking, camera-outfitted replicas that only allow it to see what's right in front of it, as well as an overlay of your chosen recipes. Your Maid comes with a variety of forelimb attachments to aid in cooking and baking. With Smart KitchenMaid (TM), you'll never go hungry, never have your taste buds disappointed, and will have plenty of extra time with your wife in bed. So what are you waiting for? Pre-order yours today!

Included Home Accessories

1. Maid closet. When your Maid is not in use, the lower mobile unit will transport it to the Maid closet for storage. A perfected design, the Maid closet takes up minimal space and is easily incorporated into most homes. While docked in the closet, your Maid's hygienic tubing will snap to a port in the closet floor that integrates with the home's plumbing system. All fecal, urinary, and vaginal excretions collected in the mobile unit's internal toilet will be released, and both the internet toilet and your Maid will be given a rinse. Feeding also occurs within the mobile unit while the Maid is docked. All you have to do is remember to empty a nutrient pouch into the built-in reservoir twice a month, and your Maid will be automatically sustained! The mobile unit does, however, come equipped with an unscrewable panel at both the groin and the backside, in case your Maid ever requires more attentive cleaning. For safety purposes, the Maid will be unable to enter the closet while it still has forelimb accessories attached, and will be unable to exit the closet outside of scheduled or requested meal prep times, unless the owner (that's you!) initiates a manual override of the security system.

2. Floor tracks. Your Maid will need to move about the kitchen, but we certainly don't want it wandering the house willy-nilly! It is also important that the mobile unit know how to get back to its closet for automated docking. Therefore, during installation of the included home accessories, our crew will lay a system of metal tracks into the kitchen flooring. Traditionally, the tracks will encompass a circle around the kitchen, allowing access to every cupboard and appliance, and include one extra path into the closet. You may, however, request that a second path out of the circle is incorporated, such as leading to the dinner table so your Maid may serve dishes directly to you. Your Maid will be installed into this track system via wheels on the bottom of the mobile unit, which hook into the tracks similarly to a roller coaster. The wheels will follow the tracks just beneath the floor while the mobile unit glides over the surface. This installation is semi-permanent, but we offer one free removal and re-installation per purchase, in the case of moving houses. After one move, our removal an re-installation services will remain available for an additional cost. For child and pet safety, flat metal plates will automatically cover the trench-like tracks while the Maid is docked in its closet.

3. Attachment panel. This panel will be installed into a location on your kitchen wall that is easily accessible to your Maid. Arranged in a grid, it will include all of the basic forelimb attachments: hook, "hand", spatula, whisk, spoon, slotted spoon, ladle, tongs, knife, peeler, grater, meat mallet, garlic crusher, baster, and glaze brush. Each accessory is stored inside its respective slot wall with its attachment end visible and accessible via the panel. All your Maid has to do is stick its forelimb (which is already equipped with an attachment anchor) into the desired slot, and - voila! - the forelimb will emerge with the desired accessory attached. To replace an accessory, your Maid simply needs to insert the forelimb back into its respective slot, and the panel will detach the accessory. All accessories must be detached and back in their respective slots before the Maid can return to its closet.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I marry my Smart KitchenMaid (TM)?
A: Unfortunately, since the Smart KitchenMaid (TM) is considered an appliance and not a person, the law prohibits marriage to any unit under any circumstances.

Q: Can I have sex with my Smart KitchenMaid (TM)?
A: There is nothing coded in law that prohibits one from engaging in sexual activity with an inanimate object, as is often observed in the case of sex toys or other objects. However, we are not responsible for repairing or replacing (any part or in whole) your Smart KitchenMaid (TM) unit due to damage caused by unintended usage, including but not limited to activities that are sexual in nature.

Q: Can my Smart KitchenMaid (TM) get pregnant?
A: No, every unit is sterilized prior to assembly.

Q: Where do Smart KitchenMaid (TM) units come from?
A: Unfortunately, this is a trade secret and we are not authorized to disclose the source of our units. Rest assured, however, that we work closely with both federal and local governments and every level of our operation is 100% legal.

Q: What if my Smart KitchenMaid (TM) malfunctions or dies?
A: If you experience any malfunctions with your Smart KitchenMaid (TM), or it breaks down before its expiration expectancy date, you will be issued either a full or partial refund, and possibly a replacement, depending on its time of service and the severity of the malfunction or breakdown situation.

Description
Advertisement

Do you ever wish that your kitchen was self-operating? Do you like the idea of pressing a few simple buttons and having all of your meals ready-to-eat the moment you want them? What about watching a pair of supple breasts bounce over them while they're being made, but without the nagging and babbling of a wife?

Here is a sneak peak at our new Smart KitchenMaid (TM), open for ordering soon!

Product Description

Smart KitchenMaid (TM) is the kitchen of the future. Product comes with renovation services to prepare your kitchen area for its new live-in Maid! Pruned of natural legs and forearms, your Maid has been permanently enclosed up to the waist inside a high-tech, titanium mobile unit. Your Maid will live in this unit 24/7, and never needs to be removed for feeding, sleeping, passing waste, or bathing! The mobile unit also has an extendable/collapsible section to allow your Maid to reach places both high and low, such as a cabinet's top shelf or the lower oven. Upon purchase of your Maid unit, our installation crew will come to outfit your kitchen with the necessary home accessories (detailed below). Your Maid has also had its mouth sealed and vocal folds excised, so never again will you have to suffer the nagging and rambling that wives provide when working in the kitchen. Your Maid's eyes have been replaced with natural-looking, camera-outfitted replicas that only allow it to see what's right in front of it, as well as an overlay of your chosen recipes. Your Maid comes with a variety of forelimb attachments to aid in cooking and baking. With Smart KitchenMaid (TM), you'll never go hungry, never have your taste buds disappointed, and will have plenty of extra time with your wife in bed. So what are you waiting for? Pre-order yours today!

Included Home Accessories

1. Maid closet. When your Maid is not in use, the lower mobile unit will transport it to the Maid closet for storage. A perfected design, the Maid closet takes up minimal space and is easily incorporated into most homes. While docked in the closet, your Maid's hygienic tubing will snap to a port in the closet floor that integrates with the home's plumbing system. All fecal, urinary, and vaginal excretions collected in the mobile unit's internal toilet will be released, and both the internet toilet and your Maid will be given a rinse. Feeding also occurs within the mobile unit while the Maid is docked. All you have to do is remember to empty a nutrient pouch into the built-in reservoir twice a month, and your Maid will be automatically sustained! The mobile unit does, however, come equipped with an unscrewable panel at both the groin and the backside, in case your Maid ever requires more attentive cleaning. For safety purposes, the Maid will be unable to enter the closet while it still has forelimb accessories attached, and will be unable to exit the closet outside of scheduled or requested meal prep times, unless the owner (that's you!) initiates a manual override of the security system.

2. Floor tracks. Your Maid will need to move about the kitchen, but we certainly don't want it wandering the house willy-nilly! It is also important that the mobile unit know how to get back to its closet for automated docking. Therefore, during installation of the included home accessories, our crew will lay a system of metal tracks into the kitchen flooring. Traditionally, the tracks will encompass a circle around the kitchen, allowing access to every cupboard and appliance, and include one extra path into the closet. You may, however, request that a second path out of the circle is incorporated, such as leading to the dinner table so your Maid may serve dishes directly to you. Your Maid will be installed into this track system via wheels on the bottom of the mobile unit, which hook into the tracks similarly to a roller coaster. The wheels will follow the tracks just beneath the floor while the mobile unit glides over the surface. This installation is semi-permanent, but we offer one free removal and re-installation per purchase, in the case of moving houses. After one move, our removal an re-installation services will remain available for an additional cost. For child and pet safety, flat metal plates will automatically cover the trench-like tracks while the Maid is docked in its closet.

3. Attachment panel. This panel will be installed into a location on your kitchen wall that is easily accessible to your Maid. Arranged in a grid, it will include all of the basic forelimb attachments: hook, "hand", spatula, whisk, spoon, slotted spoon, ladle, tongs, knife, peeler, grater, meat mallet, garlic crusher, baster, and glaze brush. Each accessory is stored inside its respective slot wall with its attachment end visible and accessible via the panel. All your Maid has to do is stick its forelimb (which is already equipped with an attachment anchor) into the desired slot, and - voila! - the forelimb will emerge with the desired accessory attached. To replace an accessory, your Maid simply needs to insert the forelimb back into its respective slot, and the panel will detach the accessory. All accessories must be detached and back in their respective slots before the Maid can return to its closet.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I marry my Smart KitchenMaid (TM)?
A: Unfortunately, since the Smart KitchenMaid (TM) is considered an appliance and not a person, the law prohibits marriage to any unit under any circumstances.

Q: Can I have sex with my Smart KitchenMaid (TM)?
A: There is nothing coded in law that prohibits one from engaging in sexual activity with an inanimate object, as is often observed in the case of sex toys or other objects. However, we are not responsible for repairing or replacing (any part or in whole) your Smart KitchenMaid (TM) unit due to damage caused by unintended usage, including but not limited to activities that are sexual in nature.

Q: Can my Smart KitchenMaid (TM) get pregnant?
A: No, every unit is sterilized prior to assembly.

Q: Where do Smart KitchenMaid (TM) units come from?
A: Unfortunately, this is a trade secret and we are not authorized to disclose the source of our units. Rest assured, however, that we work closely with both federal and local governments and every level of our operation is 100% legal.

Q: What if my Smart KitchenMaid (TM) malfunctions or dies?
A: If you experience any malfunctions with your Smart KitchenMaid (TM), or it breaks down before its expiration expectancy date, you will be issued either a full or partial refund, and possibly a replacement, depending on its time of service and the severity of the malfunction or breakdown situation.