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cha0sunity — The Collapse - Chapter 1
Published: 2014-06-24 19:04:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 204; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description Chapter 1

“Sir, have you been informed on how the physchem interchange works?”

“I know enough of it to make an informed decision. The process is rather simple. The physchem solution is synthesized from sea water. It is then applied to raw stone. After a short time the stone can be changed into one of several different metals.”

“With all due respect sir, that is an over simplification of the process. Yes, in essence that is how it works, but the dangers are completely overlooked in your explanation.”

“Mr. Matthews, I have been assured by our top scientists that the process of turning raw stone into metal is safe and poses no immediate threat to the environment or to anyone near the mining sites. If you have any further complaints you can file them through the proper channels and we will address them in due time. You are dismissed. As for you Mr. Hensen, I do not know why you are even here. Your scientific expertise is in?”

“Anthroplanetology. Sir.”

“And what is it about this matter that interests an anthroplanetoligist?

“We need to increase the number of probes we are sending out.”

“Need I remind you Mr. Hensen, that we sent out ten probes last year, ten probes this year and are planning to send out another ten next year. What about this do you not find satisfactory?”

“Sending ten probes per year into the vastness of space is less effective than throwing a pebble into the ocean hoping to raise the water level. We will not find another suitable world by sending out so few. We don't have the time to be sitting around waiting, hoping that one of our thirty probes stumbles across a world we can inhabit. Our time is short Mr. President.”

“So, I take it you are here under the belief that physchem mining process is going to destroy the planet? “

“Yes, it's no longer a question of if. The question now is when will the earth give way from the process?”

“You don't honestly expect me to believe that the planet will break apart from mining? You are wasting my time. I've listened to the doomsaying of you alarmists long enough. I have no time for you. You are dismissed.”

“Send out more probes. If you don't everyone on this planet will die.”

“Remove him.”

A man in a black suit which had been standing motionless against the wall slid quickly up behind Hensen and pressed a flat disc into the back of Hensen's neck. He went rigid, then hit the floor.

Hensen woke up, wide awake sitting in the a chair. Matthews was across from him shaking his head. “That man has been president for two months and he has already forgotten everything he stood for. You're lucky he only had you suspended. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided we were expendable and had us executed.”

“How long was I out?” Hensen asked, looking down the hall seeing the shadows coming in through the windows.

“Not long, only as long as it took that heavy to move you from James's office to here.”

“Where is here?”

“West wing of the Presidential Palace. We've been given five minutes to leave the premises or we will be forcefully removed.”

“That man no longer cares about anything, he had just assume let the world die. I don't know what he saw when he was in the broken districts but he's different now. He knows good and well what my profession is and asked me just to insult me.”

“We can argue about this all you want, but we need to do it somewhere else. I don't want to be caught here when our five minutes are up.”

“Right.”

The two men rose and made their way quickly and silently down the long hallway, descended the gaudy stairs and left through the front door. Few people ever left through the front door.

“I don’t know how we are going to convince him something needs to change.” Matthews said as he approached the zip tube.

“I’m not sure we can convince him to change his mind. It’s going to take more than this war to do that it seems.” Hensen paused in thought for a minute. “I need a drink.”

“The Sundial?”

“The Sundial it is.”

The zip tube’s carriage arrived. The two men followed a small boy and his parents into the tube and took their sets. Their ears popped as the tube pressurized. The chill of the outer vacuum permeated the air. Off they went.

Minutes later and eighty miles closer to home Hensen stood facing the door to the Sundial. The large golden sun relief glistened in the days dying light. The place had never looked better, and it had never looked worse. Hensen thought what he liked best about the place was its resistance to change. No matter the war, or the physchem dilemma, The Sundial was always there, waiting.

“Well, don’t just stand there looking like you love the place, lets go in. They’re not going to bring the drinks out to you.” Matthews said as he disappeared through the door.

The holo danced various images across the bar top. Mostly commercials. Matthews remembered when there was a less than fifty percent advertisement per show. That time seemed to be long past now. The bartender deposited two mugs and was on his way back down the bar. It was a busy evening even for a Friday night. The commotion helped to muffle the conversation.

“What do you think happened to him while he was off the grid in the broken districts? I mean, what do you have to see and go through to be that completely different?”

Matthews shook his head. “I’m not sure. But whatever happened it’s consuming him. He used to be able to look at the world and see things for what they were. Now, now he just sees the war.... That war. It’s pointless. Do you even remember how it started?”

“No, I don’t. I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone who can say for certain. All a bunch of bureaucratic non-sense if you want my opinion.”

A small dancer floated effortless across the bar leaving ripples in its wake. It was about to complete it’s second loop around Hensen’s glass when suddenly it disappeared. “BREAKING NEWS” flashed in large red letters. A man's head appeared and floated in several places along the bar. The whole room fell silent as everyone gave their attention to the face.

“Physchem mine Red Two in northern Heilongjiang, Mongolia has been destroyed. Several long range Heckta Morters were fired into the region. No survivors are expected to be found. The Free Peoples have claimed responsibility for the mine's destruction. The United Countries have announced that a counter attack is being planed.”

With that, the man's face vanished. The dancer finished her loop around the glass and floated further down the bar. A roar erupted from the bar's patrons.

“Why would they do that?” one woman screamed.

“Don't they know we need those mine's to survive?” another voice shouted.

The voices began to run together forming an incoherent rambling. Matthews and Hensen just sat and stared at each other. Both in too much shock to speak.

“Red Two was the largest mine in the possession of the United Countries.”

“I know. They are getting more bold. But I can't say I blame them.”

“You almost sound like you are a Free People's sympathizer.”

“I'm not going to say I agree with the actions of the Free Peoples but you have to admit, having that mine out of commission if one step toward preserving the planet, or at the very least delaying it's destruction.”

“Maybe you're right, but so many people died.”

“Perhaps not. The mines are largely robotic. They start by doing conversions in the area of the mine and use the first produce to build the robotic breakers and haulers. They are controlled from Vargus.”

Matthew's cast an accusatory glance at Hensen. “How do you know so much about this?”

“How bad do you want this war to end, and to what limits are you willing to go to save the humanity”

Matthews sat motionless for a minute watching the holos drift across the bar. “Hensen, what have you gotten involved in?”

“Nothing. Well, at least not in the way you are probably sitting there thinking.”

“Do I want to know?”

Hensen tilted his head to the side and gave a smirk that simultaneously said I know something dangerous and you are going to hate this. “Yes you want to know, but you are not going to like it one bit. What I know has to do directly with our meeting with our esteemed wash of a president.”

The initial shock of the loss of Red Two had worn off and the noise level in the bar dipped back to a reasonable level. Hensen leaned in closer to Matthews. “There is something you have to do if you really want to be in on this.”

“What?”

“You have to give up all communication with James. He's a lost cause, it's time to give up on him.”

“You know that I've known the man most of my life. I can't simply walk away for that.”

Matthews opening his mouth to continues but Hensen cut him off. “You know it's pointless now. You've tried to reason with him. He refuses to listen. I've known him a long time too. Granted, not as long as you have but I know him almost as well. He's not the same. He hasn't been the same for a long time now. It's only a matter of time before he completely snaps and it would be a shame for you or I to be in the receiving end of that. Listen, what I have to tell you goes beyond this stupid war. It's bigger than that. I can't risk that if I don't know where you stand.”

“Bigger than the war?” Matthews wrinkled his high rise, balding forehead. The same look he makes whenever he's faced with an overly difficult decision. “How can something be more important than the war? It's global. Everyone is effected.” Pausing and thinking for a moment he continued. “You aren't implying that you really think its all going to fall apart. That's ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

“Yes! There is no way the planet is going to break apart. Mining simply can't do it.”

“I'll tell you what. You take some time and think about it. Let me know if you want to know what I know. But remember, you have to cut all ties with James, maybe more. It's worth it.” Tapping a red triangle of the bar an electronic voice spoke to him.

“Yes sir?”

“Closing out” With that, Hensen swiped a card over the red triangle. His balanced dropped to zero. Standing to leave he looked at Mathews. “Don't take too long to decide. The offer won't last.”

Matthews sat for a long time wondering just what it was Hensen could be involved with. It seemed highly unlikely his claims of a catastrophic natural event were possible. What if? The question hung in the air. What if he's not wrong. Is that possible? Looking around the room it pained him. So many people. Sure they were shocked by the loss of Red Two but they've already forgotten. Is it as simple as that? Just a mine. A mine that provided all of these people their pleasantries. A mine larger and more profitable that the next largest two combined. They probably figure prices will go up temporarily and then life will go on as normal.

Matthews rubbed his hands over his face. “What else is coming?” He asked to no one in particular. Five minutes later his drink was gone. He participated in the same close out ritual as Hensen and made his way to the zip tube.

“Destination?” the terminal inquired.

“Toronto. North east quadrant, section four”

Matthews entered the tube alone. Fifteen minutes later he was home. The smell of his suite, fresh and clean greeted him. The silent mechanical butlers did their job well. Slowly, lights began to glow a soft white light. Neo-sol classical filled the rooms. Mathews found his way to an oversized chair that sat facing out the thirty-seventh floor window overlooking the city. The roads were busy but the sky-lanes were fairly calm.

He sat. Staring. Thinking. Is it worth it? And if it is can I really do anything to contribute? Questions chasing after questions. No answer ever came, and so he sat. His mind closing in on itself, answers just out of the reach of his questions. The night engulfed him; sleep would not come for several hours.

* * *

“I'm not sure what it is you hope to gain by bringing him here.”

“Listen, I've known Steven Matthews for a long time. He is one of the most brilliant minds I've ever seen. He knows physchem better than anyone. When the shooting starts, the real shooting, do you want him with us or with someone else?”

“Be that as it may, it is a massive risk. If James notices he is missing, and James will notice, he may suspect something.”

“So what? Who cares if he suspects something? What's he going to do? Blame the Free Peoples? Would that really be so bad? We are already tearing this world apart; what's a little more strife?”

“Can we trust him?”

“Well, that is the real question. I'm not entirely certain yet. But, we can't really afford to wait around and find out. He's going to be locked down once he's here anyway.”

“He can't stay in isolation forever. He will never help us of that's the case. We need help, I'm not going to lie. He could make this all possible. You have to make the decision to come here be voluntary or we should leave him be.”

“I think we will have our answer soon.”

“I hope so. And Marcus, if he threatens to go to James about this you know he has to die.”

“I'm aware.”

* * *

Matthew's TC buzzed violently on the table across the room. Slowly he stood from his chair and walked over to it. The name Marcus Hensen displayed on the face. A sinking feeling settled into Matthew's stomach. He sill was unsure of himself.

“Hello”

“Hello Matthews. It's been three days. Have you thought any more about my proposal.”

“I think I've thought about it too much to be honest.”

“Sometimes that can be worse than not thinking about it at all, but I do need to know what you've decided. I'm going to be leaving town for awhile and I need to know what you're going to do.”

“I just need to know more before I can agree to anything.”

“I'll tell you what. You come with me. See for yourself. If you don't like what you see you come back home and carry on like you normally would.”

“That's not the impression I got a few nights ago.”

“Well, maybe I was a bit rash. This is something I feel very passionate about and I just don't want to take chances of anything messing it up.”

“How long will we be gone?”

“I'm not sure yet. Plan for at least two weeks”

“If I'm not okay with this I'm free to leave?”

“Yes.” Hensen took a short pause. Matthews didn't need to know all of the details to make a decision.

“Meet me at Rosemont's southwest district. Ziptube five. I will be there in three hours.”

Hensen was gone. No more sound came from the TC.

* * *

Rosemont was an ugly city. Everything looked dirty. It was one of the first cities to have ziptubes installed and the ones still operational were in disrepair. No one was on the street. No lights came from the store windows, buildings were boarded up. It was a slum in the truest sense.

“Are you ready?” The voice came from over Matthew's shoulder. It was Hensen, who was right on time. A trait that always served him well.

“I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.”

“Don't sound so nervous. You make it sound like I'm asking you to assassinate someone. Anyway lets get going. We have a ways to go.”

Both men climbed inside of ziptube five. The tube pressurized and off it shot.
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Comments: 3

Alphabeta97 [2014-07-16 10:58:29 +0000 UTC]

Hey! Critique from the !!

Initially, I was going to do a general critique, but now that I've read your comment, I'll stick with just the dialogue instead. I love dialogue anyway.

The first thing that impressed itself upon me was that there is a little bit too much dialogue. For me. This is a personal preference. You can have this amount of dialogue if you want, providing you add some actions that the characters do while talking, or give some descriptions, or some clarification of said conversations. Better yet, you could put "asked X", "replied Y", so there is a clear indication of who is speaking. For example, the conversation between the president and the anthroplanetologist, it could be a simple "he asked", "he explained", and then the rest of the conversation can follow on as it is. Doing "he asked", "he explained" gives clarity to the reader - we know who's talking.

More pressingly, these people aren't standing still, and, even more, these guys have emotion. I don't see either of these, besides the body guard at the beginning with the disc and a few other instances throughout the book, like sitting and staring. This can be easily solved by something like this:

“Sir, have you been informed on how the physchem interchange works?” The anthroplanetologist asked, folding his arms. 

The president nods, almost like a bobble head. “I know enough of it to make an informed decision." He tells him, finger pointing up. "The process is rather simple. The physchem solution is synthesized from sea water. It is then applied to raw stone. After a short time the stone can be changed into one of several different metals.”

Some of the words fly over the anthroplanetologist's head. 

He shakes his hand, advancing. “With all due respect, sir, that is an over simplification of the process." There a pause for thought. "Yes, in essence that is how it works, but the dangers are completely overlooked in your explanation.”

The president eyes the anthroplanetologist thinly. 

“Mr. Matthews," he begins, "I have been assured by our top scientists that the process of turning raw stone into metal is safe and poses no immediate threat to the environment or to anyone near the mining sites. If you have any further complaints you can file them through the proper channels and we will address them in due time. You are dismissed. As for you Mr. Hensen, I do not know why you are even here. Your scientific expertise is in?”

And so on.

Now that we have both action (Ex: he shakes his head) and emotion (Ex: The president eyes the Anthro- thinly) we now know that this conversation is tense. Doing actions alone can even imply emotions, like the president eyeing him thinly. Could represent impatience, annoyance, irritation, etc. 

Furthermore, interruptions and overlapping are good dialogue devices. For example:

“Send out more probes." He breathes. "If you don't, everyone on this planet will die.”

The president waved his hand in dismissal. “Remove him--"

"Please--"

"Remove him. Now!"

A man clad in coal black began to advance. The anthroplanetologist could hear his footsteps. Thud. Thud. His heart quickens.

"Just listen to me--"

"You've wasted enough time and I don't want to--"

Thud.

"They will die--"

"Want to hear it. Get him out of hear."

Thud.

"This will be on you, presid--"

A cold object was placed on the back of the anthroplanetologist's neck. It stunned him. He couldn't speak. An invisible force brought him down to his knees. Then he went rigid. He hit the floor - with a thud.

and pressed a flat disc into the back of Hensen's neck. He went rigid, then hit the floor.

And so on. The conflict between them intensifies greatly that it results in interruptions and overlaps - Hensen wants to get his side across, but the president doesn't want any of it. Plus, with the advance of the bodyguard and his thudding footsteps, it increases, for me, the seriousness of the scene. He's on limited time. Quite literally. A few seconds. That guards gets there quick and doesn't hesitate. Also, I made it so that the object is not mentioned. Not a flat disc; just a cold object. This is personal preference, but I did this so it added ambiguity. When I imagine a bodyguard, I imagine someone who has secrets, who has something to hide and doesn't appear all that s/he seems. 

But that's that. Just a few tips. hope I helped out.

By the way, so far so good!

Keep writing.

Matt.

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cha0sunity In reply to Alphabeta97 [2014-07-16 19:28:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the advice. I did leave out a lot of the "he said/she said" on purpose, but having read over it again I know what you mean about the ambiguity of who is speaking. Also, the portrayal of movement and emotion are not things I had really considered. Thanks for bringing those to my attention. I will work with these concepts and see what I can come up with!

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cha0sunity [2014-06-25 12:20:20 +0000 UTC]

I was practicing with dialogue in this chapter. Any advice welcome about the dialogue or the pacing and flow.

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