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chasingcloudbursts — eternity
Published: 2014-03-21 03:33:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 170; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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Description
dryad bonescarve soil with their
arching tiptoe roots
and sunrays filter
reaching fingertip twigs
crowned with
viridian eggshells
spraysoaked naiad wrists
stroke passing banks
with pebble smiles
and breezes ripple
aqueous tendrils
of greenglass tresses
and the rustle of the leaves echoes
river murmurs
onward, upward
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Comments: 5
Hey there
As promised here is my very small and hopefully still constructive critique/comment on your poem
I admit, at first I had troubles getting into it, mostly because I think the flow in stanza 1, line 2 is off compared to the rest. Maybe you should replace "carve" with "carving?". But then again, this is just my personal opinion. It would simply fit the the rest of the stanza more, if all verbs end with "-ing". (I hope I make sense, I am not a native English speaker 
I really enjoy the following lines of the first stanza, they make me think of a slender tree with young leaves standing in the light of a spring sun
As for stanza 2, I really like the use of words like "pebble" next to "breeze" and "smile". The combination of syllables make it almost sound like the murmur of a small creek.
Overall, I can only congratulate you for a well-earned first place
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Thanks, it was helpful to know what you liked and didn't like! In the first stanza, the words ending with -ing are actually adjectives. All the verbs in this poem are in the simple present tense, like "carve". So that's why I won't change that word. But otherwise, I agree with you. I also thought the rhythm in the first stanza was off. Thanks again!
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Thank you for your submission! 
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No problem! Thank YOU for hosting the contest
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