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chasingcloudbursts — submerged
Published: 2014-03-05 00:15:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 286; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
you do not see the hurricanes behind my eyes –teeming with lightning flashes, thunderbolts of prayer,
dark puddles filling up the creviced wrinkles of my mind
until I gasp for breath under the weight of
algae, skipping stones, and you.
my vision blurry with the angled slant of carving rain,
i reach for sunlight,
for some meaning in the shifting of your hands.
the water rises.
lost under the burden of unfiltered mossy depths
i breathe you in,
suspended by the thought
of your palms brushing mine –
if only you could see the hurricanes
that swallow earth and sky for you
somewhere above
the reaching tendrils of my hair.
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Comments: 9
Hmm….this is a hard piece to decipher, but I'll do my best. To start with, hurricanes usually represent rage and turmoil, while in this context, it seems rain is symbolic of tears. To me at least, it seems that this is about someone who has either gotten into a fight with someone they care about or has been broken up with. The imagery of grasping for air makes me think of someone who is having an emotional breakdown (which would make sense with the rain and the storms) and needs time to regain their composure. That's just my opinion though.
I can't really answer whether it is clear what has happened because I do not know if my interpretation is correct. Again, it seems to me that someone in a relationship has just gotten their heart broken in one way or another.
The first and last paragraphs flow well. The flow of the middle paragraph seems to be broken slightly because it's longer than the other stanzas and uses more complicated language. It's not distracting or anything though. It just didn't flow off the tip of my tongue as much as the others (if that makes sense).
The imagery in this poem is excellent, and the language you used was strong and reflective of the emotion. Great job!
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Thank you for the critique! Your interpretation is very, very similar to the one I had. The main reason I asked that question was to see if you could identify that by the end of the poem, the speaker was drowning, figuratively, in their emotion, and completely under the water. I think from your description that the tone and idea transferred pretty well.
I agree with you about the middle stanza - I think I'm going to work on making that part less choppy.
Thanks again, your feedback was very helpful!
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Yes, I could definitely tell that the narrator was overwhelmed by the emotions they were feeling.
You're welcome! I'm glad I could help
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to be spoken to the sound of horns, two harps and a mechanical clockwork ... it has a nervous dynamic ... I only do not like the wildcat heartbeat ... but maybe I didn't understand right.
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An interesting interpretation... thanks for the comment/feedback!
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even though I am quite well educated in botany and myth I have often problems to understand the context of your imageries. That's my badly selfmade English. At least there is something in all of your works what I like: it is that special kind of pulsation. That is interesting. Working under high pressure. So you are a dancer. I never tried it but I can imagine that dancing is a fine closing of the poetic work in the evening. Whereas it is a good introduction to contemplate the works of a painter in the morning. Thank you. Fascinating new aspects you offered me.
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Yes, imagery is often hard to understand in a language you don't speak as well. I speak Russian fluently, and that has been helping me learn Spanish, but the hardest part is still getting all the various structures and phrases that are different than in English or Russian. I'm very glad that the tone of the piece still came across to you.
And it's true that being a dancer has a large influence on my poetry.
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It isn't very clear what happened to me, but then again, it's late, and I'm still awake. 
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Wow, that's an amazing compliment! Thank you
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