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clinicallybeyondhelp — Untitled 18 [NSFW]
Published: 2005-09-10 07:57:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 110; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description

Tom arrived to a locked door at the specified address, looking around he found a police car, but the scene had not been taped up. After finding no reply to his knocking, he kicked down the door. There was a sweet but stale smell, as he rushed through the rooms. There it was, a skeleton, barely with any flesh left upon it, but fresh all the same. As he approached it, he became upset as he realised who this was.

He cursed himself for abandoning the case, maybe he could have prevented this. He inspected it closer, the flesh charred and falling off, the face had remained intact, barely experiencing a single scratch, he had witnessed his own death.

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Comments: 12

andycyca [2005-09-11 05:31:14 +0000 UTC]

O_o That's my expression now. I must say that I really like how you give your stories a big-breathetaking-twisted fnish phrase:

"...He had witnessed his own death."

6 words and no more. that's all for giving the whole writing asudenly upside-down feeling

O_o

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to andycyca [2005-09-11 07:46:23 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

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wheyz [2005-09-11 01:46:52 +0000 UTC]

Creepy...

As he approached it, he became upset as he realised who this was.
What I thought first when I saw this was the old rule: "Show; don't tell". Perhaps a way of showing us that he became upset would be a description--maybe his heart beat faster, or his chest constricted, or sweat dripped down his neck.

Anyway, keep up the good work.

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to wheyz [2005-09-11 07:44:31 +0000 UTC]

OOoo.. thanks for that, I really like that idea... *picks it up and runs away*

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rastill [2005-09-11 01:00:13 +0000 UTC]

surreal, burning flesh does not smell sweet though.

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to rastill [2005-09-11 07:43:50 +0000 UTC]

Well picked up on, just wait. I was wondering how many people might notice..

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rastill In reply to clinicallybeyondhelp [2005-09-11 07:59:53 +0000 UTC]

ok, mums the word

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to rastill [2005-09-11 08:09:36 +0000 UTC]

:thumbs:

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lifelessrose [2005-09-10 23:18:30 +0000 UTC]

What the.....? weird... continue we're all waiting for more

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to lifelessrose [2005-09-11 07:39:57 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

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thegreatmizuti [2005-09-10 10:59:51 +0000 UTC]

WHA? wow ok dreams this is a real rollercoster ride

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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to thegreatmizuti [2005-09-10 12:26:50 +0000 UTC]

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