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Kite breathed a sigh, pressing her chin onto her forelegs. She was alone; sat in a shallow hole outside of camp. Sunlight was fading; casting her in a warm shadow. Eyes half-lidded she starred off into the distance. A memory teased at the edge of her mind; daring her to focus on it- to pay it a hint of mind. She hadn't dared to dwell on it- not since the packs had parted.

It was her most sacred memory; a catalogue of all those moments. Of how she had felt... Every beating every heartbreak, every exchange of words she had neatly bottled up and cast aside. Now it lingered abive her head; a thundercloud threatening to break and douse her.

On the outside Kite looked comprised. Calm, stoic and, well, dead.

But… If one were to see into her mind… They would see. It was all right here. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.

I have to do this.

It was a new year. A fresh start. She would be able to leave this woman- that she had been- behind.

Finally she opened of her minds eye...

It’s done.

I… I actually managed to do it.

After all this time… I never thought I would have the courage.

But. I was just… So angry. So done with everything. I thought- that this- this was it. Today was the day she was finally going to kill me. She cut me. She cut me! Her pride and joy, the only wolf left to do her bidding!!Shit!! To care for her!! She thought! She thought… She could make me unlovable. By wrecking my face.

But… it’s funny.
Ironic.

That she would try to carve away the only thing I ever wanted. No, not looks. love. I just wanted love. Why couldn’t she care…

It doesn’t matter.

What matters it that I've overcome her. She was weak. Nothing. Pathetic. A means to an end.

I miss her..?

I’m naive. A child with no direction. Nothing more. Still…

No.
I don’t hurt.
This is good.
I’ve never felt better. More free. This is all I ever wanted.

Freedom.

Not love.

Love is only another opportunity for hurt.

She was no mother she was a monster. She deserved no mercy. And…

In that moment… I reveled in it. In what I did. Yes.

To finally feel what she felt was…

It was powerful. I see why he did it to me now. An outlet. Satisfaction. To watch the life drain from those burning green eyes.

...They look like mine.

It doesn't matter.

I’m happy. Never been happier. There had been no better satisfaction in my life… Than seeing her understand how easily I could have killed her all these years. To watch the blood seep from her throat, to see the realization in her eyes. That he knew what I could do. What I would do. The regret.

Now that was the best part. I only wish she had enough in in her lungs to beg me to stop. To apologize. To grovel for her miserable, shitty life.

And when I bore my fangs; met her flesh with the same moves she had taught me. To see her expression turn from fear to true terror. I saw it in hrt eyes. How they looked like mine. How dhe recognized it.

And then she was gone… It had been so easy.

If only I had the courage to do it sooner but…

Hmm…

I can’t stay here. I cannot remain with these shells of wolves.

I’ll go now… A better wolf.

I encountered the biggest hurdle in my life, and I burned it.

A teardrop fell to to her paws. Kite's eyes snapped open. Bile filled the back of her throat- and she choked on it.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” She whispered, eyes transfixed on some far off point. Involuntarily her body shook, wracking as the shock hit her. That and the massive heave that twisted her guts.

Disgust. She was disgusted. No sooner than when she got to her paws and strode away did she close that chapter on her life.

She had shut it out, broke it down and buried it where nobody could find it.

It would be easy… To just pretend she had not done what she had…
But she had. That was just it. That monster that committed such heinous acts was her-- Not some villain behind a mask she could simply pretend not to know. Her.

And she had to come to terms with that.

But…

How could she move on if she couldn't accept that? What if that insidious creature was her true self? Not just a product of her environment…

Her mind flashed back to that sensation. The resistance of her fangs as they broke skin.

Kite heaved, spilling what was her super- hours ago- onto the forest floor. A sob wracked her frame, and she wept- openly now. What was she to do? How could she possibly move past this..? She was a monster through and through. And this life now..?

It was just… An elaborate lie.

It was true she wanted to help other wolves. Wanted to care for the injured; to heal the wounded and protect her friends… But was that the real him? Or was that just what the animal inside of her wanted to think? \\

There was no way one could just… be like this.

Kite closed her eyes once more, easing herself up from the floor. Wiping her mouth on her foreleg she got to her feet. The scent of sick thick in her nose.
What if someone patrolled by?
To see her like this.
It would terrify them.

Dirt, a hole.

Her mind flashed back.

Blood seeping into her fur; the ruff around her neck stained crimson.
She would wash it out, she was a good pup.

She shook her head. It wasn't like that. She was just cleaning up vomit. Digging a pit beside the sick, she buried it. Taking care to mound the dirt to mask the scent.

Burying the blood left in the training ring... So her father wouldn't know of the carnage..

“Agh! No more!” Kite winced, trying to stifle his tears. It hurt. Remembering hurt. Living through it, all the reminders… It hurt.

Was this the debt she was to pay? The consequences of her actions. If so she supposed she should take what she deserved with pride.

Staring at the grime that coated her paws, she lifted her head. Striding towards the creek bank that resided parallel to her. She stared into the reflection on the water.

In this waves she could swear her own Mother stared back. It was in her eyes. Those pale green eyes. That deadness. That regret. That rage. It all looked back at her. Looked into her. As if her flesh and blood Mother's ghost was truly there.

Shivering, Kite tore her gaze away- instead stepping into the cold stream. It was icy, and it numbed her paws; she dunked her face. Washing away the emotion with every pass of the stream.

When she strode back out, she shook away the water- and the emotions with it.

It was better this way.
But first, I must leave.

Remake myself. When I am perfect... Then they may see me again.

Casting one last glance over her shoulder, she strode into the night.

Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }

Kite breathed a sigh, pressing her chin onto her forelegs. She was alone; sat in a shallow hole outside of camp. Sunlight was fading; casting her in a warm shadow. Eyes half-lidded she starred off into the distance. A memory teased at the edge of her mind; daring her to focus on it- to pay it a hint of mind. She hadn't dared to dwell on it- not since the packs had parted.

It was her most sacred memory; a catalogue of all those moments. Of how she had felt... Every beating every heartbreak, every exchange of words she had neatly bottled up and cast aside. Now it lingered abive her head; a thundercloud threatening to break and douse her.

On the outside Kite looked comprised. Calm, stoic and, well, dead.

But… If one were to see into her mind… They would see. It was all right here. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.

I have to do this.

It was a new year. A fresh start. She would be able to leave this woman- that she had been- behind.

Finally she opened of her minds eye...

It’s done.

I… I actually managed to do it.

After all this time… I never thought I would have the courage.

But. I was just… So angry. So done with everything. I thought- that this- this was it. Today was the day she was finally going to kill me. She cut me. She cut me! Her pride and joy, the only wolf left to do her bidding!!Shit!! To care for her!! She thought! She thought… She could make me unlovable. By wrecking my face.

But… it’s funny.
Ironic.

That she would try to carve away the only thing I ever wanted. No, not looks. love. I just wanted love. Why couldn’t she care…

It doesn’t matter.

What matters it that I've overcome her. She was weak. Nothing. Pathetic. A means to an end.

I miss her..?

I’m naive. A child with no direction. Nothing more. Still…

No.
I don’t hurt.
This is good.
I’ve never felt better. More free. This is all I ever wanted.

Freedom.

Not love.

Love is only another opportunity for hurt.

She was no mother she was a monster. She deserved no mercy. And…

In that moment… I reveled in it. In what I did. Yes.

To finally feel what she felt was…

It was powerful. I see why he did it to me now. An outlet. Satisfaction. To watch the life drain from those burning green eyes.

...They look like mine.

It doesn't matter.

I’m happy. Never been happier. There had been no better satisfaction in my life… Than seeing her understand how easily I could have killed her all these years. To watch the blood seep from her throat, to see the realization in her eyes. That he knew what I could do. What I would do. The regret.

Now that was the best part. I only wish she had enough in in her lungs to beg me to stop. To apologize. To grovel for her miserable, shitty life.

And when I bore my fangs; met her flesh with the same moves she had taught me. To see her expression turn from fear to true terror. I saw it in hrt eyes. How they looked like mine. How dhe recognized it.

And then she was gone… It had been so easy.

If only I had the courage to do it sooner but…

Hmm…

I can’t stay here. I cannot remain with these shells of wolves.

I’ll go now… A better wolf.

I encountered the biggest hurdle in my life, and I burned it.

A teardrop fell to to her paws. Kite's eyes snapped open. Bile filled the back of her throat- and she choked on it.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” She whispered, eyes transfixed on some far off point. Involuntarily her body shook, wracking as the shock hit her. That and the massive heave that twisted her guts.

Disgust. She was disgusted. No sooner than when she got to her paws and strode away did she close that chapter on her life.

She had shut it out, broke it down and buried it where nobody could find it.

It would be easy… To just pretend she had not done what she had…
But she had. That was just it. That monster that committed such heinous acts was her-- Not some villain behind a mask she could simply pretend not to know. Her.

And she had to come to terms with that.

But…

How could she move on if she couldn't accept that? What if that insidious creature was her true self? Not just a product of her environment…

Her mind flashed back to that sensation. The resistance of her fangs as they broke skin.

Kite heaved, spilling what was her super- hours ago- onto the forest floor. A sob wracked her frame, and she wept- openly now. What was she to do? How could she possibly move past this..? She was a monster through and through. And this life now..?

It was just… An elaborate lie.

It was true she wanted to help other wolves. Wanted to care for the injured; to heal the wounded and protect her friends… But was that the real him? Or was that just what the animal inside of her wanted to think? \\

There was no way one could just… be like this.

Kite closed her eyes once more, easing herself up from the floor. Wiping her mouth on her foreleg she got to her feet. The scent of sick thick in her nose.
What if someone patrolled by?
To see her like this.
It would terrify them.

Dirt, a hole.

Her mind flashed back.

Blood seeping into her fur; the ruff around her neck stained crimson.
She would wash it out, she was a good pup.

She shook her head. It wasn't like that. She was just cleaning up vomit. Digging a pit beside the sick, she buried it. Taking care to mound the dirt to mask the scent.

Burying the blood left in the training ring... So her father wouldn't know of the carnage..

“Agh! No more!” Kite winced, trying to stifle his tears. It hurt. Remembering hurt. Living through it, all the reminders… It hurt.

Was this the debt she was to pay? The consequences of her actions. If so she supposed she should take what she deserved with pride.

Staring at the grime that coated her paws, she lifted her head. Striding towards the creek bank that resided parallel to her. She stared into the reflection on the water.

In this waves she could swear her own Mother stared back. It was in her eyes. Those pale green eyes. That deadness. That regret. That rage. It all looked back at her. Looked into her. As if her flesh and blood Mother's ghost was truly there.

Shivering, Kite tore her gaze away- instead stepping into the cold stream. It was icy, and it numbed her paws; she dunked her face. Washing away the emotion with every pass of the stream.

When she strode back out, she shook away the water- and the emotions with it.

It was better this way.
But first, I must leave.

Remake myself. When I am perfect... Then they may see me again.

Casting one last glance over her shoulder, she strode into the night.