wernstrum [2003-10-22 04:18:26 +0000 UTC]

this is a very good poem considering the content.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ephigy [2003-08-09 06:00:52 +0000 UTC]

"at eleven, I loved her.
at eleven thirty; vintage dust
on her lips as she
destroyed me with a pink-lined glare and
plastic-barbie-doll words,
Yet -
I was still hers"

I like the power and rhythm of this stanza, especially because the first and second lines trick the reader. One wonders about the time frame you're referring to, and then it becomes clear in the next stanza.

Reminds me of life.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

etoilerose [2003-08-04 00:57:29 +0000 UTC]

i never stop reading this.

at least once a day.

i don't cry as often when i read it.

but i still cry.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sto67 [2003-08-03 08:13:04 +0000 UTC]

now THIS is what poetry should be haha
read some of your forum posts hehe
this is very emotional yet full of style and beauty
the descriptions the wording
everything is just so flawless
too bad it doesnt hit me as a perfect poem
because everything you have in this poem, is good
with one exception
it doesnt make me feel
i dont know what that is meant to mean myself
but it just doesnt make me feel like you do or intended
your words are beautiful
like a flower for your lady
but to make me feel what you are writing
this writing must BE the lady, NOT the flower
you get me? hehe
hope it helps
lataz

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

inebriate [2003-08-02 03:17:10 +0000 UTC]

Coming back and acting more coherent than before, this reminds me of my old writings.
You're throwing me a curve now that I'm off medication. Curses. *likes deviation more*

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wu-wei [2003-07-31 23:13:10 +0000 UTC]

This is very well done, but I think it still feels hollow, somehow - as if you want us to know more, but you're still withholding all the good stuff. Maybe it's my inability to apprehend the abstractions, I don't know, but this makes me interested, and leaves me wanting more.

And, for what it's worth, it reminded me of a little love thing I had in grade 4. I hadn't thought about that in years. Thank you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

servechilled55 [2003-07-24 19:22:51 +0000 UTC]

your writing is amazing and very original i'm off to go read some more!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

-blackscarling- [2003-07-23 23:35:41 +0000 UTC]

I think you just flattered poetry.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

-henrique- [2003-07-16 21:52:02 +0000 UTC]

"with a blue message scribbled
on the white"

That part is so well done--to describe a (phone number?) message on a piece of paper; it's subtle yet intelligible. It hints at the bus trip, at the encounter, the banter, the flirting, and sets the whole poem up, like a boardgame on a stool, ready to topple.

I love this... damn. It makes me recall moments in my life when I was infatuated with a new face, allowing the moment to seem like a dream, then feeling the cold shattering, the hollowness of being rejected--usually *right* after raising the courage to ask her out.

beautiful piece my friend, I swear.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

doomit [2003-07-12 22:50:17 +0000 UTC]

they love us and destroy us.
Its the ones that understand that that we keep and avoid.

-doomit

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

inebriate [2003-07-11 03:34:11 +0000 UTC]

It's a big improvement from earlier works.
Aloud, some lines could be re-worked for length and better imagery; (fiery hair curled like ocean waves) you could strengthen and deliver clarity to help the flow along in other, less fitting lines - or remove the unnecessary.
Otherwise a nice piece indeed.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

groovus [2003-07-08 10:46:55 +0000 UTC]

I like this masqued ball of time and age. Very romantic, why not put it in that category ... oh wait it's a masked ball. Great touch here!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

repus [2003-07-08 02:04:37 +0000 UTC]

subtle snapshot moments
with a blue message scribbled
on the white, tell of how it's
always the boy who would never hurt
you
that you love to destroy.

this is my favorite part, damn..., this hurts; i can see and feel it all, and it hurts. very good...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rebelchic [2003-07-07 19:47:08 +0000 UTC]

Your words break hearts.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dittohead [2003-07-06 11:18:26 +0000 UTC]

very nice work man, very expressive, nice to see some new stuff in your gallery too,

all the best , chris

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

etoilerose [2003-07-06 04:16:53 +0000 UTC]

you're beautiful.

this turned out wonderfully. i really didn't think it could get any better, but you figured out a way how.

and then me with the tears again...anyway, . and not only because you thanked me (you're welcome) but because this is one of the most moving things that i have read in a long time.

you know i how i feel about this piece. you're beautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lady-Blue [2003-07-06 04:11:47 +0000 UTC]

Though we don't get to chat much anymore, you still have my support too.

That said, I don't feel like I have anything to say about this, really. It's not that it's perfect or unimprovable, but it's lovely. The only thing I have to say is-

I'm sorry, too.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ignite [2003-07-06 03:13:36 +0000 UTC]

i'm not sure how to respond to this.

sometimes poems just do that to me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

skeletonfishpunk [2003-07-05 21:47:12 +0000 UTC]

Really nice work, actually. Im sure my english lit teacher would have something pretentious and philosophical to say about it, but because im taught to analyse this stuff I wont. I will say; nice imagery and eloquent language, however.

Thanks for the dedication, too - awww, you said I smell! Well you smell too!

Glad you're writing again

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

airmega23 [2003-07-05 21:45:37 +0000 UTC]

I like this. It is very emotional, you have a great writing voice

Great

Check out mine too

👍: 0 ⏩: 0