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cryptidmickle — Google How To Confront Feelings
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Published: 2021-03-01 18:30:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 3869; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 0
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It was hard trying to figure out how he felt.
This wasn't an unusual occurrence for him, he often struggled figuring out his thoughts and feelings on things until someone just decided for him and he would anxiously agree. But there was no one to decide for him, this was something solely for him. It was horrible.
But he brought this upon himself so he had no right to complain, he was the one to suddenly have an outburst of feeling he couldn't even recognize. In the moment he just reacted as his instincts told him, it was almost like he himself wasn't in control when he had that overwhelming burning of emotion in his chest that had him losing his ability to breathe and hold steady. Something had just said this was right, this is how he should react to what was occuring and he'd know why. But he had no clue what he had done, or why he'd done it! He didn't even know why he was avoiding her! He could hardly look at her without instinctively turning away and avoiding her gaze, why was he doing that? Maybe he would have the answer if he understood how he felt! Everything he was doing felt so illogical and strange, but he couldn't find the emotions that may explain it to him.
If only he could somehow go back in time and ask himself 'Hey, so why did you yell at your child, and what were you feeling exactly during said interaction? Because you said I knew but I very much did not'.
Lee groaned in frustration and pulled at his bangs. Why was this so difficult? Why did his brain refuse to identify his emotions?
He continued his pacing around his home, circling around the property while he pondered and grumbled.
Moving while thinking was proving to be helpful, he should do this more often when he is struggling in his thoughts. His focus was pushed between sorting his mind and walking the same path through the grass of his yard.
Wallowing in why he was such an idiot isn't working, he just feels angry with himself for his mind deciding to go on autopilot. Questioning what he was feeling directly didn't help either, it just served to make him more frustrated and confused. You can't just ask what the problem is, there's a billion answers to that question, especially when it comes to him. Maybe he just couldn't figure it out head on, maybe he just needed to pick up hints and clues before finding the answer. Yes, like a mystery, it practically was anyways. Anything involving his emotions was a very, very messy mystery.
He slowed his pace as he relaxed, pressing his paws flat against each other.
Please Chii'falla let this be the right way to go about it.
He let out a deep sigh and continued the slow walk, digging back to the memory of the argument.
It was clear as day, considering he'd done nothing but think about it constantly. He wouldn't be surprised if it was ingrained in him at this point. He needed to look before his outburst, maybe there was clues leading up to it that he could find. He had gotten home, she was there playing with Tony's runeboo, they began talking. She told him she was entering that spite hunting class.
His stomach still churned at the thought of that class, despite the fact that it already happened. Ember was completely fine like she said she would be, and came home with a certificate. The thought of it... made him uneasy, but that wasn't why he yelled. It didn't feel right, so he kept looking.
She had gotten upset when he told her his opinion, arguing that she had to protect him. She had an almost desperate look on her face when she did so, like she wanted him to agree with her or something. To know.... something. But he couldn't focus at the time, she kept talking about protecting him, it was strange. That isn't right, she shouldn't be looking at him as something to protect. He was the parent, her father, he should and has protected her, not the other way around.. What happened to make her think of that?
Then he remembered her next words with a pang so strong it caused him to stumble.
She brought up his injuries.
Lee paused, looking down and realizing he had stopped on the dirt path leading to their home. There was a slight tremor in his hands, so he clenched his fists to make it stop. They shook more.
He didn't regret the injuries he got protecting his children. As much as he struggles, those moments where he chose to protect and shield them were the rare times he was certain of his decision. He would never change what he did, nor would he ever regret those actions. It kept his children safe, he did what he had to. No matter how...
He brought his left paw up to his chest. It was fluffy again, soft to the touch. Though the slight dips in his skin, the absence of softness and instead exposed rough skin, that would never go away. He raised his right paw, this time to his cheek, recognizing yet another stripe of rough bumpy skin.
Lee was not vain, he didn't care for his looks. As long as he was presentable and comfortable, he deemed himself well enough to be seen. Though he felt a certain sting in his heart when he thought of others seeing the pink rise up from under the collar of his coat and onto his face. How he no longer felt the gentle weight of curled hair on his shoulders, now he could only feel the uneveness of the remaining locks. It was only hair.. He shouldn't care.
What he did was for the best. A little changes in appearance didn't matter, they didn't. He was entirely fine, nothing had changed.
He felt a slight headache rising now, as he dropped his hands and shook his head slightly. He was getting distracted, but he also was struggling to focus. Something wasn't right here.
He was trying to figure out why he had yelled at Ember, and why he couldn't bring himself to look at her. It started with the hunting class, he voiced that he didn't like it, she disagreed and claimed it was for the best. She said it was to protect him, he told her that he didn't need protection. He just wanted her to be his child, no other responsibility necessary. Then she..
His headache got worse, a cold chill starting to trail up his spine. It was difficult, so difficult to keep thinking.
She started listing off reasons he needed protection.
They were all moments where he protected them, why did she list those? He had to do that, he was the one doing the protecting. Did Ember wish she had done something differently.. so those events wouldn't happen? But they weren't even her fault-
The crunch of pebbles threw him out of his spiraling thoughts, Lee looking up and immediately inhaling at seeing the cause of his distress walking past him. She hadn't said anything, or else he would've realized she was there much sooner.
He tried to call out to her, to ask where she may be going. If she'd come back in time for dinner.
But his mouth didn't move, all he could do was stare as she walked away, the red of her fur looking dull in the gray light of the sky. Yet she still stuck out, Like a dying flame.
He wished he knew what he was feeling so he could speak to her. He didn't want the air between them to be silent anymore.
Why was he so upset?
He looked back to the ground, feeling... something heavy.
He let out a soft exhale, the breath he let out feeling unnaturally cold considering the still chilly air.
Flinching away in surprise at the weird, sparkly white frost that appeared beside his head was a welcome distraction.
Maybe he won't freeze someone with this new magic in a burst of emotion.
Lee please try to not assault someone by accident with your magic
Lower Body Temperature - 0/3
Breathe Frost - 1/3
Call Snow - 0/3
Freeze Objects - 0/3
MAX WYNS
