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ctrl-4lt-d3l — Fishing
Published: 2010-05-10 01:24:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 999; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 12
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Description
DrivingMile after mile
Cow after cow
Tree after tree
Five bucks
Grab poles
Find spot
Hook, bobber, bait
Lean back
Throw and press
Small speck over blue-green water
Hour after hour
Feeling nibble
Jerk
Reel and reel
Silver glint
Splish, splash
No bass
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Comments: 20
You wrote this in grade six?! First of all, that's astounding. This is well beyond what most 11 and 12 year olds would write. Indeed, this is better than many adults write.
It's language is direct and simple. I have enjoyed fishing my entire life. Through it, my father taught to respect nature, and love the outdoors. We still go on camping and fishing trips (I am 22 and engaged), taking our motorbikes, strapping gear on the back, and disappearing in the Nova Scotian wilderness for several days. It is a simple joy, exciting yet relaxing, and you have captured the true spirit of it here. The joys, the wait, the humourous frustration of coming home empty handed! The language of this poem captures that all succinctly and wonderfully.
It also has a fantastic rhythm, and the last three lines just top it all off so beautifully, adding a touch of wit, humour and rhyme.
I honestly enjoyed and had so much fun reading this poem, and I have no serious criticisms of it. I do find the first stanza a little jarring for some reason, but I can't pinpoint why. And I don't think you should change it anyway, as it fits the rhythm of the rest of poem and adds necessary context.
Beautiful job. Thanks for a great read, and for stirring up so many good memories for me!
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Wow, thank you for the critique! I remember writing this after getting sent out in the hall for misbehaving and knowing I had to write SOMETHING, so I just hacked this out. I actually don't like it that much, but a lot of other people do, so I guess that's what counts!
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Sometimes the pieces that we deem our worst work are what others think are our best. Funny how that works, eh.
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Short expressions good. Salient points. Whole story, in nut shell. 
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Thanks for the kind comments.
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Short expressions good. Salient points. Whole story, in nut shell.
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Pretty good. I think the sentences are too short to properly describe the languor of a fishing trip. Short sentences make things a lot more actiony. Nice and concise though.
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I have bad memories when it comes to fishing. 
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I was stabbed by a fishhook, the fish swallowed the hook, and we were attacked by mosquitoes. 
Nice poem btw!
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Forgot to mention, I was only about five or six when that happened. I might do it again, but for now I'm content fishing in Twilight Princess.
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Yup! Sinking lure and everything.
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That was really the last thing I had to get. Now I'm just waiting for the new game...
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I canNOT wait for E3. They'd better have something of substance to show us riled fans.
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