BloodyAngelus [2004-07-09 14:00:57 +0000 UTC]

wicked!
very nice, luv this story

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

CunicParvs [2004-05-03 12:28:53 +0000 UTC]

Watching Alice

Actors/Characters:
Francis- Lewis
Carly- Alice
Ella- Kat / Cheshire Cat
Johanna- Mum / Queen
Joe- Dad / King / Bully3
Erik- Hatters / Teacher / Bully4
Ross- White Rabbit / Salesman
Mel- Executioner / Bully2
Imogen- Duchess / Bully1 / Executioner2

Scene 1:
(Flashing colourful lights and loud music/sound, Salesman stands centre-stage as Lewis sleeps)
Salesman: Are you feeling depressed, lonely and confused? Do you lack a sense of direction? Did your life not turn out the way you wanted it to? Is your life simply not going anywhere at all? You feel insecure, don't you? You're not sure what others think about you. Maybe they're laughing at you behind your back! You're just one big joke! Nobody respects you. Nobody values your opinion. You have no friends, just people who won't admit they don't like you. You are nobody! Nobody cares whether you live or die. Not your friends, not your family, not anybody! Everything you once enjoyed is now boring and lifeless. Your inspiration has vanished. Reality itself is falling apart around you. You have nowhere to run. You have nowhere to hide. Everybody hates you. Love is an illusion. Love is an illusion!!! Love is... (lights dim) Dead!

Scene 2:
(Lewis wakes, it is morning, he is yawning as he walks about the room *wink* *wink*; Lewis walks to his desk and begins writing, then stops and racks his brain for ideas)

Lewis: And then he took her by the waist, no, he took her under the lucid sky, no, the placid sky, no that doesn't make any sense, he took her in the starry twilight, no that's shit, the...

(Dad calls from off-stage)

Dad: Come on, Lewis, time for school!

(Lewis tries to ignore him)

Mum: Hurry up, Lewis, you're going to be late... again!

(Lewis keeps trying to write)

Dad: Lewy, it's almost nine o'clock. If you hurry up I'll give you a lift to the tram stop.
Mum: You've already missed half of this week, you can't miss any more school or you're going to fail.
Lewis: OK!!! I'm getting ready! (turns back to his writing)

(Mum walks onto stage and picks up piece of paper)

Mum: Lewis, is this you report? It's pathetic! You're even failing English! This is just like last year. You're wasting your education, and our money. I have to work two jobs to pay for your food and school and everything and you just sit about in your room doing nothing!
Lewis: I'm trying to write...
Mum: You're trying to avoid facing up to reality!
Lewis: Shut up!!!
Mum: You're ruining your life with this shit. Do something with yourself. Go out with friends, hell, make some friends, get a life... get a girlfriend. God knows you need one!
Lewis: SHUT UP!!!

(Dad walks onto stage)

Dad: Mary, seriously, that's not going to help...
Mum: Yeah, and like you're doing any better. You spoil that brat rotten!
Dad: Listen, this is silly. Just calm down and...
Mum: Calm down?!? I think it's time you started to take some action around here instead of letting me do all the work!
Dad: I'm doing the best I bloody-well can, Mary!
Mum: Well, it certainly doesn't seem like it (turns to Lewis) you're pathetic, you know that? (to Father) And you're not much better! (storms out)
Lewis: Dad?
Dad: No, I'm very dissapointed in you, Lewis. I want you to start working harder and stop avoiding school.

(Dad leaves)
(Lewis begins to get changed and then sits back down at his desk)

Lewis: Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm not wasting my life.

(Lewis begins writing again)

Lewis: He took her fragile hand and they ran away into the twilight. No, that's shit, this is all shit! (throws paper in the bin) AAAAARGH!!! I just can't think!

(Lewis sits staring out his window, sees a little girl, Alice, walking passed wearing white and blue dress)

Lewis: Hmmm... That's odd. She seems a little lost.

(Lewis gets up and climbs out window; his desk and room are moved off stage)

Lewis: Are you alright young lady?
Alice: I seem to have gotten myself lost, I was just picnicking with my sister and...

(By now trees have popped up around Lewis and Alice)

Alice: Where am I?
Lewis: Why, you're in Wonderland! And, it seems I'm in Wonderland too! Fancy finding myself here again.
Alice: Wonderland? That's an odd name, who are you?
Lewis: I'm Lewis, but you can call me Charles if you want to.
Alice: Well, Charles, how do I get out of here?
Lewis: Hmmm, let's see if I remember... Aaaah, that's right! It's quite simple actually, you just take a right at the next toadstool, march fifty paces down the path, spin around in a circle twice, count backwards from 478, run as fast as you can in any direction you wish and recite a verse of Shakespeare, or was that Hemingway. Oh damn, I always get those two confused...
Alice: Can you show me the way home?
Lewis: Of course, but you needn't be leaving so soon, you just got here! Look, I'll take you on a little tour. I s'pose I can catch up with a few old friends myself, eh?
Alice: Okay, Charlie, but don't get us lost, or more lost, I should say.
Lewis: Get us lost? Why, I wrote the book on Wonderland, I know it like the back of my hand!
Alice: Do you promise?
Lewis: I promise. Now let's get going (starts walking off stage) come on, Alice, hurry up!

(Alice follows Lewis off stage)

Scene 3:
(White Rabbit runs onto stage and begins metamorphasis into human as he rushes around stage looking for something, looks at his watch)

W.R: Oh dear, I'm going to be late. She'll have my head for this! Oh dear, I'd best hurry...

(Lewis walks onto stage)

Lewis: Come along Alice, we haven't got all day!

(Alice follows Lewis onto stage, Lewis sees the White Rabbit)

Lewis: Why, if it isn't my good friend Mr. White Rabbit...
W.R: (English Accent) No time for chat. I mustn't be late or she'll have my head!!! (rushes around as he speaks)
Lewis: Who'll have your head, what the devil are you talking about?
W.R: Why the Queen, of course! Now get out of my way, I'm looking for my... my...
Lewis: What is it you are looking for?
W.R: My... I forget what but I must find it soon or she'll have my head. Oh, what was it, it was some sort of clothing...
Alice: What, a hat?
W.R: No.
Lewis: Tie?
W.R: No.
Alice: Shoes?
W.R: No.
Lewis: Shir...
W.R: Wait, what was that last one?
Alice: Shoes?
W.R: That's it! It was my gloves!!! Oh, my little white gloves, where have you gotten to?
Lewis: Hey, wait!!! Where are you going?
W.R: To the croquet tournament, of course. Aren't you?
Lewis: Well, no, you know I don't like croquet!
W.R: Of course you do. Everyone likes croquet. Why, next thing you'll be saying you don't like tea.
Lewis: I don't like tea.
W.R: You don't like tea!!! (in rhyme) My oh me, what a fool to be, to not like tea or croquet for three. Well, once you've seen the almighty Queen, you'll be a little more keen, if you know what I mean.
Lewis: No, I don't know what you mean.
W.R: Well, she's always been... rather mean.
Alice: Why do you keep speaking in rhyme?
W.R: Speak in rhyme? Speak in rhyme? I've not the time to speak in rhyme!!!
Alice: But you...
W.R: Wait, just wait before I get irrate... Oh what a state, you've made me late! (walks off) Oh bitter fate!
Lewis: What a peculiar fellow that White Rabbit is! Oh damn, I'm late for school... Wait here Alice, oh dear, I'd better get a move on. (tram passes, silhouette???) Wait! Wait!

(Lewis stands behind passing tram and returns to reality, walks to school with bag on, surrounded by bullies, who taunt and kick Lewis, Lewis falls to the ground and his bag is dropped and opened, cue "Hallelujah", Kat enters and begins packing Lewis's things into his bag and then helps Lewis up)

Lewis: Thanks Kat.
Kat: Don't mention it, are you alright?
Lewis: Yeah, I'll be fine.
Kat: (after pause) Well, I guess we better get to school. I'll see you in English.

(Kat runs off stage, Lewis waits in a daze, smiles and walks to his desk)

Scene 4:
(Lewis sits at his desk whilst being told off by a teacher, who circles him, interrogatingly)

Teacher: This has got to stop, this is the sixth time you've been late this month...
Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: ...and you've already missed a substantial portion of this semester...
Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: ...your grades have been declining rapidly over the last two years...
Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: ...at this rate you're most certainly going to fail English...
Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Don't just (bangs desk) "Yes, sir" me Lewis, this is serious! I mean, this is VCE, for Christ's Sake!!! You can't just coast through, (grabs chin) you've got to work, can't you get that through your head?
Lewis: Sorry, sir.
Teacher: (calms down) Geez, Lewis. You're such a smart kid, I wish you would just try a bit harder. I had my heart set on you getting dux, now you'll be lucky to even pass. You've got to start doing your homework, and actually turning up to your SACS. Have you got that clear, Lewis?
Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Okay, you can go, oh, and remember to hand in your creative writing task tommorrow.

(Lewis gets up to leave)

Lewis: Yes, sir.
Teacher: Wait, Lewis.
Lewis: Yes?
Teacher: Are things alright at home?
Lewis: Yeah, things are fine.
Teacher: Are you sure? Is your mother better?
Lewis: Yes, she's fine, everything's fine.
Teacher: No, Lewis, everything's not fine.

(Lewis leaves, end scene)

Scene 5:
(Lewis sits at bench, eating lunch, rather depressed, as always, Kat enters)

Kat: Is this seat taken?
Lewis: Does it look like it is?
Kat: Heh, sorry. (Kat sits) How are you?
Lewis: Um, I'm... fine.
Kat: No you're not, Lewis, I'm not an idiot. I can tell something's wrong, why don't you just tell me? You used to tell me everything.
Lewis: It's not something, Kat, it's everything!!! I'm just not coping.
Kat: You get too stressed, you gotta loosen up.
Lewis: Loosen up?!? My life's going to shit and you're telling me to loosen up???
Kat: Don't start taking it out on me, I'm just trying to help!
Lewis: Aw, God, I'm sorry Kat, everything's just messed up right now. I can't think straight, I can't write and, I think I'm going crazy or something because... (pauses) ...never mind, I gotta go, make up some excuse for me for English.

(Lewis leaves)

Kat: Wait! Damn it, Lewis!!!

(Dim lights)

Scene 6:
(Raise lights, White Rabbit paces about stage checking his watch, mumbling and cursing, attracts the attention of the Cheshire Cat but leaves before she is able to say hello) (Alice wanders onto stage, bumps into Cheshire Cat)

Ches: Hello, there.
Alice: And who might you be?
Ches: Why, I'm the Cheshire Cat!
Alice: I've never heard of a Cheshire Cat before... What are you smiling at?
Ches: I'm not smiling, I'm just mad.
Alice: Why would you say a thing like that?
Ches: Because I just feel mad, don't you?
Alice: Well, no, I feel perfectly sane, thankyou very much.
Ches: But everyone's mad around here, I'm mad, you're mad, the King and Queen are mad, the Duchess is mad, the White Rabbit's mad, the Mad Hatter's especially mad, and so is the rather indifferent Hatter. You're not anyone, if you're not mad.
Alice: What a truly mad thing to say! How do you know if you're really mad?
Ches: Because when you try to say something normal, you end up saying something completely different. That's what being mad is.
Alice: Like rhyming for no apparent reason.
Ches: Rhyming's mad in any season!
Alice: And drinking tea?
Ches: Drinking tea...mmm... drinking tea, won't you come and drink with me? I have saucers and cups for three, but no one to drink with, don't you see?
Alice: Oh, not this again. I don't like tea or croquet.
Ches: You don't like croquet? Don't like croquet? What thing to say on this beautiful day! Come and play, it shall be quite gay, just you and me and tea for three.
Alice: But I said I don't like croquet you silly creature!
Ches: Come over here (puts her arm over her), you silly dear, there's no need fear at being near. I'll make this short: don't waste your thought and we'll teleport to the croquet court.

(Lewis runs onto stage)

Lewis: Wait, Alice!
Alice: Charlie! Thank God, this Cheshire Cat was beginning to scare me!
Lewis: Ahh, you've met the Cheshire Cat, she is a truly mad creature isn't she?
Ches: Charles, I haven't seen you around here in ages! Oh how I missed you, it seems like forever since we saw you last here in Wonderland.
Lewis: It doesn't seem to have changed much...
Ches: Oh but it has! The Queen has become so ill-tempered about her recent defeat to the Duchess during the croquet tournament that she's decided to re-run the whole tournament and force everyone in Wonderland to partake in it, or lose their head, except for the Duchess herself whose shameless antics have already earnt her a date with the executioner.
Lewis: No, (chuckes) it hasn't changed a bit.
Ches: Oh Charles, you must try to reason with the Queen, you're the only person she'll listen to, and if she goes on like this it'll soon be my head on the chopping block... and none of us want that!
Lewis: But I've got to take young Alice here to...
Ches: Pleeeease!
Lewis: But she'll...
Ches: Pleeeeeeeease!!!
Lewis: Oh, alright!
Ches: You're the best, Charlie!!! (hugs Lewis) Quick, you'd better hurry before the tournament starts and heads begin to roll, literally!

(Cheshire Cat runs off stage)

Ches: Bye bye!!!
Alice: But Charlie, you said you were going to take me home.
Lewis: I know, I know but let me just sort this out first and then I'll take you home.
Alice: (whining) BUT I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!!
Lewis: Please, calm down, it'll just be a few minutes, I promise!
Alice: But you promised to show me the way home!!! (pause) I don't like you anymore.
Lewis: Come on Alice, don't be like that...
Alice: Go on, leave! I don't need you to get home, I can find my own way home.
Lewis: But Alice...
Alice: I'm leaving, goodbye Charles!!!

(Alice storms off stage, Lewis left rather bewildered)

Lewis: I suppose I'd better get to the croquet tournament.

(Enter Dad)

Dad: Lewis, is that you?
Lewis: Dad? Oh, hi.
Dad: Who were you talking to?
Lewis: Um, (looks around) no one, Dad.
Dad: Shouldn't you be in school?
Lewis: Na, we had, ah, this thing a, um, a swimming carnival. We didn't have to go so I decided to stay home and study, you know, it might help my grades.
Dad: Oh, okay, well I've got to go visit your sister now, you know it's her birthday today, do you want to come?
Lewis: No, you know I don't like to.
Dad: Okay, will you be alright by yourself?
Lewis: I'll be fine, dad. Thanks.

(Dad leaves, Lewis walks to his desk and sits down)

Lewis: Let me see, what have gotta do? (looks through diary) Na, I don't have to do that, na, that can wait, I'll do that one tommorrow. Yeah that's all fine. I may as well do this creative writing thingy. (gets out paper) Hmm... How should I start it? Aaah, "He stood on the edge of eternity watching over as the empire he built crumbled into ruins..." No, that's just fantasy. (scrunches up paper) "There was only a matter of seconds to think of an answer. He strained his mind, nothing came. It seemed like forever until he realised that..." No, that's no good either. (scrunches up paper) "Where do I begin? How can I explain my current plight? My own actions have brought me here, I know, but somehow, somehow I cannot seem to fathom all that has happened today..." That one's just plain boring. (scrunches up paper) Goddamnit, I just can't think of anything today. I must have writer's block. But I've never had writer's block before. Aww, it's just all messed up. (knocks papers onto the ground)

Scene 7:
(On one side of the stage Lewis's desk remains but, if possible, dimmed. On the other side of the stage, there is a table and trees.)
(The White Rabbit sits a table with the Hatter and a sleeping companion, sipping tea)

W.R: Oh, I best be off. Mustn't be late, mustn't be late!

(White Rabbit gets up and leaves as Alice marches onto stage)

Hatter: Hello, hello, oh friend or foe, come and here my tales of woe.
Alice: Oh bother! Not another rhyming idiot. (tries to ignore him and walk on)
Hatter: Scorn, Oh Scorn, you wretched fawn, I'm so fulorne and I wish to moarn, my heart is torn, my voice is worn and my friend here's borne me none but yawns. I need a voice, yours by choice, from whose noise I shall rejoice.
Alice: FINE! But only if you promise not to rhyme anymore.
Hatter: The rhyming's reached its very end, so come and sit, my good....(pause) acquintance.

(Alice sits and the Hatter gets up at once and moves around frantically, serving tea, etc.)

Alice: So who are you and why are you wearing those hats on your head?
Hatter: Why I'm the Hatter and these are my hats, would you like to buy one?
Alice: No I'm fine, I don't think any of those things will fit me.
Hatter: Of course they will, just stand still, I got a hat that's sure to thrill. Any size, any shape and one that ties in with your cape...
Alice: Hey! You said you wouldn't rhyme!
Hatter: Oh, sorry, sometimes I forget myself... who am I again?
Alice: You're the Mad Hatter, right?
Hatter: Yes, that's right...wait, who told you I was mad? It was that damned Cheshire Cat wasn't it? Stupid thing always mistaking me for that other mad Hatter on the other side of the river. Oh what a horrible creature he is! (pause) Hey, little girl, what is your name?
Alice: Alice.
Hatter: Promise me something, Alice...
Alice: Okay.
Hatter: Well...
Alice: What?
Hatter: What are you going to promise me?
Alice: What do you want me to promise?
Hatter: Promise me you won't go near the Mad Hatter. He's a rather troubled character.
Alice: How so?
Hatter: Well... he's a few flamingoes short of a croquet set.
Alice: What do you mean?
Hatter: He's a few executions short of a royal parade.
Alice: I don't get you.
Hatter: Well, he's not right in the head.
Alice: Oh, you mean he's mad. But isn't everyone mad around here?
Hatter: Yes, but he's... exceptionally mad, if you know what I mean.
Alice: Not really...
Hatter: Just don't go near him, for your own sake, okay?
Alice: Okay, I was just leaving now anyway.
Hatter: So be it, are you sure you won't buy a hat?
Alice: Yes, thanks anyway. (Alice leaves, Hatter continues sipping tea)

Scene 8:
(Lights dim on Hatter and Alice, lights raise on Lewis)
(Lewis remains at his desk, writing. He sees the Executioner escort the Duchess across stage outside his window.)

Duch: But I've done nothing wrong, I won fair and square!
Exec: Come on, Duchess, move along.
Duch: This is an atrocity, a blatant disregard of human rights!
Exec: Don't struggle or it'll just be more painful.
Duch: I deserve a trial by a jury of my peers in a courthouse, with a judge...

(The Duchess trails off as she is brought off stage by the Executioner)
(Lewis shakes his head and rubs his eyes, then gets back to work. Then voices call from off-stage.)

Ches: (Whispered) Leeeeeeewwwwwiiiiiiisssssss!

(Lewis looks around, then returns to his work)

Ches: (louder) Chaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllessss ss!!!

(Lewis stands up and looks around)

Lewis: Who's there?
Mum: (from off-stage) Lewis? Are you home already.
Lewis: Aw, shit.
Mum: Did you wag school again?

(Ches enters through window)

Ches: Quickly Lewis, out this way!
Mum: Lewis, come here this instance. I swear this is the final straw!!!
Ches: Come on Charlie.
Lewis: (looks at the door) Okay, let's get outta here!

(Lewis climbs out the window with the Cheshire Cat, Mum runs to the window as it is brought off stage)

Mum: (assorted insults) Come back here at once Lewis!!! You can't avoid reality forever! This is pathetic, you know that, you're pathetic!
Ches: Don't worry Charles, forget about her. Let's go back to Wonderland.
Lewis: (stops) Wait, I've got an English thing to write and a Maths Sac and all this Drama stuff.
Ches: Aww, come on Charlie boy! Once more for old time's sake.
Lewis: No, I've gotta go.
Ches: What about the Hatter and the White Rabbit?
Lewis: Seriously...
Ches: You're no fun at all!

(Lewis starts to leave)

Ches: What about Alice?
Lewis: (stops) What about Alice?!?
Ches: She's probably gotten herself lost without you, she could be in danger.
Lewis: Well she shouldn't have...
Ches: She's just a poor little girl.
Lewis: But she...
Ches: Alone.
Lewis: Well...
Ches: Afraid.
Lewis: B...u...
Ches: Defenseless. She's calling for you, can't you hear her?
Lewis: Damn it. She's probably hurt.
Ches: Yes. We had better find her soon.

(The two of them begin to leave, but the Bullies stop Lewis, they ignore the Chesire Cat)

Bully1: Who were you talking to Lewis, your imaginary friend?
Bully2: Yeah, where is he... here? (pokes at the air) What about here? (pokes Cheshire Cat)
Ches: Ouch!
Lewis: It's a she and you just hurt her!
Bully1: Jesus, you actually do have an imaginary friend!!!
Bully2: An imaginary girlfriend!
Bully1: An imaginary sister!
Lewis: SHUT UP!!!
Bully1: Don't tell me to shut up, you little punk!

(Bullies start to beat up Lewis, Cheshire Cat leaves)
(When finished, Bullies leave and Lewis is left by himself, he tries to get up but falls over)

Lewis: Oh God, my back! Cheshire Cat? Kat? Damn it. (starts to pick up his things) Frig, I forgot all about Alice! (gets up and staggers a few steps, then falls over) Ow, my back! (begins to whimper)

Scene 9:
(Lights raise on the Hatter's table, a more villanous Hatter sits with a hat covering his face. White Rabbit walks onto stage, sees the evil Hatter glaring at him, shivers and scurries off stage quickly)
(Alice wanders backwards onto the stage and sees the Hatter)

Alice: Oh Hatter, thank God! I've been wandering in circles for hours. I think I might be lost.
Hatter: Lost? Lost? Indeed very lost, but the river you've crossed and the coin's been tossed, unfortunately, at a dire cost.
Alice: Oh don't start rhyming again, you know I don't like it.
Hatter: Rhyming again? When? Again? Hen, ten, gimme some Rittelin, then, 'ey fren'?
Alice: You're scaring me, Hatter.
Hatter: You know my name, by name, what's your game?
Alice: Of course I know your name, I'm Alice, don't you remember me?
Hatter: I won't, don't think we've met yet, Alice, so callous, your malice chalice. I'd be fallice or else. I'm the Mad Hitter, Hetter, wait, Hatter, that's better. No, this girl called Alice, I never met her.
Alice: Oh dear, the Mad Hatter, I was told not to talk to you. I'd better leave.

(Hatter rises from his chair and walks towards the fearful Alice)

Hatter: Oh come near, dear. Sit your rear here and wear cheer not fear. Is that clear?
Alice: (backing away) Please, you're scaring me!
Hatter: Scaring? Scaring? I'll be scarring you soon if you don't change your tune. You should know I'm a loon during the full moon.
Alice: But...it's...mid...midday...
Hatter: SIT DOWN!!!

(Alice sits and is followed by the Hatter, cue "Carny")

Hatter: Now, isn't this lovely, dovey?
Alice: Can I p-p-please go, Mr. Hatter Sir?
Hatter: Well if you really insist on getting me pissed, do not desist and you'll kiss my fist.
Alice: I'm s-s-sorry, sir.
Hatter: Okey dokey, then. (begins to move towards Alice) Okey Dokey, pokey croaky smokey tokey cokey brokey revokey CHOKEY! (grabs Alice's throat) CHOKEY CHOKEY CHOKEY!!!

(Hatter begins to strangle Alice until Lewis runs onto the stage)

Lewis: ALICE!
Alice: CHARLIE!! HELP!!!

(Lewis charges up to the Hatter, pulls him off Alice and proceeds to pummel the living bejesus out of him, Alice begins to cry)

Alice: Charles, stop, please!

(Lewis gets off the Hatter, who picks up his hats and scurries off stage)

Lewis: Yeah, and don't come back you pathetic, miserable Hatter. Are you alright?
Alice: (rubbing her neck) I'll be alright, *Sniff, Sniff*
Lewis: I should've never left you alone.
Alice: Let's never part again.
Lewis: I guess I'd better get you home.
Alice: No, we can solve this Queen thingy, I suppose.
Lewis: Okay, but we'd better hurry, it's getting dark.

Scene 10:
(Lewis and Alice stroll across the stage, hand-in-hand, when Kat walks on)

Kat: Lewis, there you are! You had me worried!!!
Alice: Charlie, is she talking to you?
Lewis: Yes, of course she is. Hello there young Katharine Ainsley! My, you're looking wonderful on this fine Thursday afternoon.
Kat: What's come over you?
Lewis: I don't believe you've met my friend Alice.
Kat: Who?
Lewis: Alice, the girl standing next to me.
Kat: (sarcastically) Oh, hello there Alice!
Alice: Hello, Katharine, please to make your acquaintance. (holds out hand to shake)
Kat: (ignores Alice) Lewis, what's wrong with you? If this is your way of dealing with your sister's death, I think you should get some help.
Alice: Why does she keep calling you Lewis?
Lewis: I don't need any help, it's Wonderland that needs help. We're going to see if we can placate the ill-tempered Queen of Hearts, if you wish to join us at the croquet tournament.
Kat: Stop kidding around. This isn't funny, okay?
Lewis: Are you sure you don't want to come to the croquet tournament? Okay, your loss.
Kat: Lewis, what are you trying to achieve?

(Lewis and Alice skip on the spot as Kat walks backwards off-stage)

Kat: Come back, Lewis... Lewis!!!

(The White Rabbit rushes onto the stage with the Duchess and greets Alice and Lewis)

W.R: Oh thank goodness you've arrived, the Queen's in such a state!
Duch: She's gone downright mad!
W.R: She's already ordered three poor souls to be beheaded in the first round of the tournament...
Duch: Including me, her own sister, without a fair trial! It's ludicrous, it is!!!
W.R: You've got to do something, quickly!

(Trumpets sound)

W.R: Oh dear! Here she comes, please try to appease her and, whatever you do, don't mention the Duchess!!!

(King and Queen enter, followed by the Executioner and Cheshire Cat, who perches on a table or something in the background and watches everything, smiling, for the rest of the scene)

Queen: (screeching) Where is that damned Duchess?
Duch: That damned Duchess is right here, requesting a fair trial for her injustices.
Queen: Right then, Judge?
Exec: (puts on Judge's wig) I find the Duchess guilty of all charges before her and sentence her to death.
Duch: But that wasn't fair at all...
Queen: God can give you a fair trial, you pathetic, pig-faced pauper! Guards, seize her!!!
Exec: (takes off Judge's wig) As you wish, your Majesty.

(Executioner takes the Duchess, kicking and screaming, off-stage)

Queen: Good day, Mr. White Rabbit.
W.R: Yes, good morning, your Majesty.
Queen: It is the afternoon, you insolent pest!
W.R: (quickly dropping to his knees) I'm sorry, your majesty! I don't know what came over me, I beseech your mercy, please oh beautiful, wise, intelligent, divine fruit of God's labour!
Queen: You flatter me, Mr White Rabbit, NOW OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!
King: Dear, don't you think you're being a bit hasty?
Queen: Not at all!
King: Okay then, just checking.
W.R: Please, oh dear mother of mercy, have pity on my wretched soul... (don't stop speaking)
Queen: Guards, seize him!!!

(Executioner rushes back on to seize the White Rabbit)

W.R: ... Oh gratious and benevolent one! Spare a thought for my fourty-seven children, without a loving father they'll surely perish...
Exec: Yes, your Majesty! Come along sir, no struggling. (takes the White Rabbit)
W.R: ...and what will become of my dear Cecilia, by God, somebody think of my poor Cecilia. Good God, I mean, GOOD GOD!!! Oh lord, the humanity, the humanity of it all!!! (dragged off stage)
King: (turning to Lewis) Why, if it isn't Master Charles! What brings you to these parts, and whom is this adorable young girl I see before me?
Alice: I'm Alice...
Lewis: ...And we've come to join your splendid croquet tournament.
Queen: Oh, joy! The rest of these nitwits couldn't tell a croquet club if it came up and bit them on the backside!
Alice: What about the Duchess, didn't she beat you?
Lewis: Sssshhhhh!
Queen: THE DUCHESS IS A LYING, CHEATING, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING WRETCH WHOSE CROQUET ETIQUETTE AND GENERAL PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IS EQUIVOCAL TO THAT OF A FILTHY STREET RAT!!!
King: Dear, please try to calm down...
Queen: ENOUGH!!! Off with your head, you snivelling little parasite! Guards!!!

(Executioner rushes back on stage to seize Alice but stops)

Exec: But, your Majesty, she's just a little girl.
Queen: Ok then, (turns to Executioner) OFF WITH YOUR HEAD YOU INCOMPETENT GUFFOON!

(A second Executioner comes out to take the first Executioner away)

Exec: But, your Majesty, please... (dragged off stage)
Queen: Now, where was I? Oh yes, off with your head, you miserable little piglet!
Lewis: Wait, your Majesty (stands in front of Alice) I don't think you should behead young Alice here.
Queen: AND WHY THE DEVIL SHOULDN'T I?
Lewis: Because if you do, I won't play croquet with you.
Queen: (sarcastically) Oh well, that just changes everything! Guards! (Executioner runs on) I've decided not to execute anyone so you can just go back and set everyone free.
Exec: Yes, your Majesty.
Queen: I'M BEING SARCASTIC, YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLE NUMBSKULL!!! Now have the Duchess, the White Rabbit and this Alice girl beheaded at once. Hmmm... I don't like odd numbers... (points at Cheshire Cat) Have that insane creature over there beheaded as well.
Lewis: Well, if you have them all killed, you'll have no one to play croquet with.
Queen: Of course I will, you'll play with me.
Lewis: No I won't.
Queen: Then I'll have you killed.
Lewis: Okay, then, I'll play croquet. But if I win, you have to set everyone free.
Queen: And if I win?
Lewis: You get the satisfaction of beating me.
Queen: WHAT ARE YOU HIGH ON POPPY SEEDS OR SOMETHING!!! That's preposterous! I'll get that anyway. No, if I win, I get to behead you, and if you win, I'll set everyone free, and I'll bloody-well have your head.
Alice: Noooo! I don't care, just have me beheaded and spare dear old Mr. Charles!
Lewis: No, Alice, I've made up my mind.
Alice: But I've grown oh-so fond of you since we met.
Lewis: Alice, I'll get you home if it's the last thing I do.
Queen: Oh it touches the heart to see two young people so dearly attached... I've changed my mind.
Lewis: You'll set everyone free?
Queen: Yes, under the condition that you play Alice in croquet.
Lewis: Certainly, as you wish.
Queen: BUT... If you lose, I'll have you beheaded, and if Alice loses, I'll have poor little Alice beheaded. You'll never be together, not even in the afterlife!
Lewis: Fine then, I'll just lose and let Alice live.
Queen: WAIT... Instead, if you lose, I'll have Alice beheaded and if you win, I'll have you beheaded.
Lewis: But...
Queen: No, Charles, I've made up my mind. Now, bring out the flamingoes!!!!

(The Hatter brings two flamingoes, everyone else but the Cheshire Cat crowds around Alice and Lewis as they begin to play croquet)

Lewis: Alice, just lose. It is better that way.
Alice: No, Charles, not after all you've done for me.
Lewis: Do you even know how to play croquet?
Alice: Of course, I used to play all the time in... (Hatter hands her the flamingo) What the devil is this?
Lewis: It's croquet! Now prepare to be beaten!

(Lewis goes to make his first swing but freezes, everyone freezes in tableau, the lights dim, the Cheshire Cat pounces down onto the floor and crawls up to Lewis but metamorphasizes as she moves towards him, shedding her cat costume for her regular clothes)

Kat: Lewis...(no answer) LEWIS! Lewis, please answer me! This isn't funny Lewis. Why don't you talk to me anymore? I'm worried about you. I think you should stop messing around and start acting like a regular human being. Lewis, please! Don't do this again! You know I hate it when you do this, you know I hate this. Please say something, say something Lewis. This isn't the answer, okay? There are other ways of dealing with your problems. You don't have to do this! Please, Lewis, don't do this. You're not a loser, there are people who love you, you're parents love you, your teachers love you, your friends love you, your sister loved you, she still does...(pause) Please, Lewis. You... we... we can run away together, just you and me, like when we were kids, but we don't have to come back this time. We can visit some tropical island, start anew, enjoy life again. Just don't do this, I don't want you to die, I want you to live. Love is real, Lewis, love will never die, not as long as you're alive because I love you, Lewis, and I'm pretty sure that you love me.

(Kat freezes, Lewis breaks his freeze and falls to the floor weeping with a knife in his hand)

Lewis: Please, Kat, I'm so alone. God, I don't want to do this anymore. Every day of my life is agony. I can't cope with anything anymore, I can't cope with life. My life, my world is as pathetic as Wonderland is marvellous. In Wonderland, everything makes sense, no matter how nonsensical it seems. I can't make sense of anything but Wonderland. Love isn't real, life isn't real, Wonderland is real, and this is where I'm staying, that is where I'm going. If I've done nothing whilst on this pathetic rock called Earth, I'll at least finish this story, because this is my story, Kat, and it's all I've got!

(Lewis freezes, Kat and Alice break freeze and stand on either side of Lewis)

Kat: Please, Lewis. This isn't worth it. Just come back with me.
Alice: But what about Wonderland? What about all your friends? Come back with me, Charles.
Kat: None of that's real, can't you see, Lewis?
Alice: Reality is simply a state of mind, if you want, Wonderland can be real, all you need is to believe it is, isn't that what you want, Charlie?
Kat: Lewis, listen to me, I can help you but you need to come back with me right now!
Alice: But what about me, Charlie? Don't you care about me?
Kat: Sarah's dead, Lewis. Nothing can bring her back, you just have to move on. I miss her too, for Christ's sake, she was my best friend! But you have to deal with this in the real world, not some stupid fantasy! Lewis... Lewis?

(Lewis breaks freeze and stands up)

Lewis: My name is CHARLIE!!! (slaps Kat, who falls to the floor, in tears) (pause) Come on Alice, let's get you home and away from these wicked people.
Alice: I love you, Charlie. (hugs Lewis)
Lewis: I love you too, Sarah. (strokes Alice's neck)
Alice: My name's Alice.
Lewis: I know (begins to strangle Alice) I love you too, Sarah.
Alice: Charlie, please, it hurts, please, Lewis, don't you care about me? Don't you care about your sister?
Lewis: My sister's dead. You're just an illusion, everything's just one, big illusion.

(Kat rises and walks towards Lewis)

Kat: Lewis don't, you don't have to do this.
Lewis: (standing) Don't try to stop me Kat, or I will hurt you!
Kat: No Lewis!

(the two struggle with the knife and the lights go down with a scream)

Scene 11:
(lights raise on Priest reciting eulogy of sorts whilst Lewis and Sarah sit playing with a ball, Cheshire Cat wanders on at "Wonderland", winks at the audience and wanders off. Lewis follows and Sarah is left alone as the ball rolls across the stage)

Priest: Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and
loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.

The END

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