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Description

Part One

Isn’t high school the time of your life where you’re supposed to figure out who you are and what you’re doing with your life? Then why am I the kid that everyone feels the need to pick on because I like penis better than vagina? Which if you think about it is really dumb seeing as I can’t help who I like and who I don’t like. If I’m attracted to someone, I am. If not then oh well. It’s no different from when a popular guy happens to like the biggest nerd in school. It just happens, so get over it.

But all my time in high school, I keep getting into fights over dumb shit because I’m gay. The guys hate on me because I’m not afraid of being me. They’re all just jealous because half of them can’t come out of the closet themselves. I know this because I’ve seen some of the guys at the gay clubs making out with other guys. There’s no way to hide when you’re all over other guys. Fucking hypocrites. So they beat me up to “keep me quiet” which is asinine because I know what they’re going through. I didn’t want anyone to know about me either. Hell, I’d still be in the closet now if some jerk face, who is now my ex, didn’t broadcast to the entire school a tape of me and him kissing. Honestly, gay guys seem to cause so much more drama than girls.

If girls could grow a penis and lose the boobs, I’d so be with one in a heartbeat. But I know that’s not happening any time soon so I’ll just deal with the drama, even though I hate it so much.

But now it’s senior year and I’m sick of all this shit. I don’t want to get into anymore fights and I want to tell the guy I’ve been crushing on for over three years that I like him. So I’m going to do it. How and when I don’t know. But before I cross that stage to graduate I will tell him, otherwise I won’t allow myself to get my diploma. Basically, I’m making my whole life ride on the decision to tell him how I feel.

There’s only one problem though. This guy just so happens to be the star of our football team and I can’t tell if he’s gay or not. Every girl in our school desires after him and I honestly can’t blame them. He is such a cutie with his brown hair and iridescent blue eyes. He’s even the perfect height for me. I’m pretty tall for a guy (five foot eleven) but he’s the perfect height at six foot three. He makes all the girl swoon (and some guys!) which is all fine and dandy for them, half the time he even smiles and gives the girls winks. It makes him look straight but then there are other times where he’s so flamboyant I can’t tell. It frustrates me to no end.

I think this year is the best time to investigate into this little problem. I just need to figure out how to get into his group of friends, have them trust me, and then start to ask questions about him. Hopefully they would know at least something or suspect. Any little tidbit of information would be helpful.

Or maybe I could figure out a way to get him to notice me and then become friends that way. I could make a scene and get him involved. Maybe I could be a damsel in distress and hope he helps me. And then I can test the waters from there.

Better yet, I could just go up to him in the hall one day, grab him, and just kiss the daylights out of him and then run in the other direction and hope that he doesn’t tackle me down in the hall and beat me to a pulp. That is the one downfall of him being a football player.

Ugh. None of this is going to work. I’m nervous as all hell and I don’t even know if I’m going to see him at all this year. Last year I just saw him fleetingly in the halls and blushed every time I saw him. At least at that time he had no clue who I was and obliviously kept walking, talking with all of his friends.

But that was going to change this year and luck just so happens to be on my side because after going to homeroom and getting my schedule, I get to first period government and there he is, in all his glory, sitting at the back of the room. Thankfully, he was alone. There seemed to be no jocks in our class and it was actually mostly girls, only two more boys besides us who looked like total drug addicts, which gave me some courage. Shyly and slightly shaking, I made my way over to the desk next to him and quickly sat down. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him and was thankful for the window next to me because I focused my eyes on the trees outside.

“Hey, your name is Michael right?” a sultry tone implored next to me, making me jump horribly and hit my knee on the desk. There was a deep, rumbling laugh that came from the same direction. “I didn’t think I’d scare you so much. Sorry.”

“Um, it’s okay,” I said at a total loss of words. He knew my name. He knew my name! “I shouldn’t have been off in Lala-land.”

“Eh, we’re all allowed to dream right? Even if it is in the daytime. So you are Michael right?” I had totally forgotten he asked that question. It seems that being in his presence made me forget my manners and coherent speech and all that crap everyone says when they’re around someone they like.

“I wouldn’t have responded if it wasn’t. And I know you’re Brian. Everyone knows who you are Mr. Super-star!”

“Oh well I don’t know about that. I just tackle guys to the ground when they have a ball in their hands. Other than that I do nothing.”

“Well you look hot when you do it.” Well that just slipped out. I couldn’t believe I just said that out loud. I really wasn’t thinking at all because I was just amazed that Brian was talking to me of all people. I didn’t know if it was just because there was a lack of testosterone in the room or what. But why would be talk to me if that were the reason? I could barely count as a guy at all! He didn’t seem too phased that I said that though.

“I get that a lot.” And then he started to laugh. I half chuckled with him but I had no clue what that meant. Did guys tell him that a lot or did girls? He just confused me even more!

“Oh do you now? From-” I was cut off by the teacher talking then. Brian put a finger to his lip to shut me up, gave me a trademark wink and smile, and then turned to face the front.

Stupid teachers. They always pick the worst times to start their boring ass classes.

But that wink he just gave me, normally Brian saves that for the girls. I’ve never seen him do that to a guy before. What the hell does that mean? Was it a flirty wink? Was it just a wink for that hot comment being said to him before? Hell, was it even a wink at all? For all I know it could have been an eye twitch or something. Dust could have floated down into his eye and irritated it. But the coy little smile that went with it made me think otherwise.

Thirty minutes of internal debate and I finally decided that Brian had been flirting with me. This was also the time that the teacher finally found out that no one was paying attention, got a clue, and ended the lesson for the day.

“So what were you asking?” Brian inquired as he closed a notebook full of notes. I didn’t even know what the hell the teacher had been talking about, let alone taking notes. I think I heard something about the Constitution but I don’t know if that’s what we were discussing or if it was just mentioned.

“You actually took notes?” I blurted out instead of saying what I had been before. Yeah, I’m a big chicken. I can’t help it sometimes. It’s only the first day of school, Brian was actually talking to me, and I really didn’t want to ruin this with the whole “are you gay?” type talk.

“Yeah I did. I suck at this kind of stuff. I can never remember anything so I have to write it down or I forget by the time the teacher stops talking.” He turned his back and bent down to his backpack, putting his notebook in there I guess. I couldn’t pay attention to what he was doing because his shirt had gone up his back, revealing a muscular and tan back. Whew. Was he hot! “Like what you see?”

I snapped back to attention and closed my mouth, which had apparently opened. I could feel the blush that settled onto my cheeks. Never once had I been caught staring and now I was. “Um. Y-yeah,” I admitted in defeat. He knew I was looking and there was no denying it. Besides, everyone knew I was gay. I was just trying to figure out if he was gay.

“Good. A guy’s got to know what he likes, you know? Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t look at them because it’s not doing any harm.”

“So you like the attention?”

“Oh yeah I like the attention.” And then the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson. I groaned as Brian swiped up his backpack and strolled out the door. The question that was lingering on my lips, waiting and wanting to be asked was: Do you like the attention from guys or girls? And more specifically: Do you like it from me?

Description

Part One

Isn’t high school the time of your life where you’re supposed to figure out who you are and what you’re doing with your life? Then why am I the kid that everyone feels the need to pick on because I like penis better than vagina? Which if you think about it is really dumb seeing as I can’t help who I like and who I don’t like. If I’m attracted to someone, I am. If not then oh well. It’s no different from when a popular guy happens to like the biggest nerd in school. It just happens, so get over it.

But all my time in high school, I keep getting into fights over dumb shit because I’m gay. The guys hate on me because I’m not afraid of being me. They’re all just jealous because half of them can’t come out of the closet themselves. I know this because I’ve seen some of the guys at the gay clubs making out with other guys. There’s no way to hide when you’re all over other guys. Fucking hypocrites. So they beat me up to “keep me quiet” which is asinine because I know what they’re going through. I didn’t want anyone to know about me either. Hell, I’d still be in the closet now if some jerk face, who is now my ex, didn’t broadcast to the entire school a tape of me and him kissing. Honestly, gay guys seem to cause so much more drama than girls.

If girls could grow a penis and lose the boobs, I’d so be with one in a heartbeat. But I know that’s not happening any time soon so I’ll just deal with the drama, even though I hate it so much.

But now it’s senior year and I’m sick of all this shit. I don’t want to get into anymore fights and I want to tell the guy I’ve been crushing on for over three years that I like him. So I’m going to do it. How and when I don’t know. But before I cross that stage to graduate I will tell him, otherwise I won’t allow myself to get my diploma. Basically, I’m making my whole life ride on the decision to tell him how I feel.

There’s only one problem though. This guy just so happens to be the star of our football team and I can’t tell if he’s gay or not. Every girl in our school desires after him and I honestly can’t blame them. He is such a cutie with his brown hair and iridescent blue eyes. He’s even the perfect height for me. I’m pretty tall for a guy (five foot eleven) but he’s the perfect height at six foot three. He makes all the girl swoon (and some guys!) which is all fine and dandy for them, half the time he even smiles and gives the girls winks. It makes him look straight but then there are other times where he’s so flamboyant I can’t tell. It frustrates me to no end.

I think this year is the best time to investigate into this little problem. I just need to figure out how to get into his group of friends, have them trust me, and then start to ask questions about him. Hopefully they would know at least something or suspect. Any little tidbit of information would be helpful.

Or maybe I could figure out a way to get him to notice me and then become friends that way. I could make a scene and get him involved. Maybe I could be a damsel in distress and hope he helps me. And then I can test the waters from there.

Better yet, I could just go up to him in the hall one day, grab him, and just kiss the daylights out of him and then run in the other direction and hope that he doesn’t tackle me down in the hall and beat me to a pulp. That is the one downfall of him being a football player.

Ugh. None of this is going to work. I’m nervous as all hell and I don’t even know if I’m going to see him at all this year. Last year I just saw him fleetingly in the halls and blushed every time I saw him. At least at that time he had no clue who I was and obliviously kept walking, talking with all of his friends.

But that was going to change this year and luck just so happens to be on my side because after going to homeroom and getting my schedule, I get to first period government and there he is, in all his glory, sitting at the back of the room. Thankfully, he was alone. There seemed to be no jocks in our class and it was actually mostly girls, only two more boys besides us who looked like total drug addicts, which gave me some courage. Shyly and slightly shaking, I made my way over to the desk next to him and quickly sat down. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him and was thankful for the window next to me because I focused my eyes on the trees outside.

“Hey, your name is Michael right?” a sultry tone implored next to me, making me jump horribly and hit my knee on the desk. There was a deep, rumbling laugh that came from the same direction. “I didn’t think I’d scare you so much. Sorry.”

“Um, it’s okay,” I said at a total loss of words. He knew my name. He knew my name! “I shouldn’t have been off in Lala-land.”

“Eh, we’re all allowed to dream right? Even if it is in the daytime. So you are Michael right?” I had totally forgotten he asked that question. It seems that being in his presence made me forget my manners and coherent speech and all that crap everyone says when they’re around someone they like.

“I wouldn’t have responded if it wasn’t. And I know you’re Brian. Everyone knows who you are Mr. Super-star!”

“Oh well I don’t know about that. I just tackle guys to the ground when they have a ball in their hands. Other than that I do nothing.”

“Well you look hot when you do it.” Well that just slipped out. I couldn’t believe I just said that out loud. I really wasn’t thinking at all because I was just amazed that Brian was talking to me of all people. I didn’t know if it was just because there was a lack of testosterone in the room or what. But why would be talk to me if that were the reason? I could barely count as a guy at all! He didn’t seem too phased that I said that though.

“I get that a lot.” And then he started to laugh. I half chuckled with him but I had no clue what that meant. Did guys tell him that a lot or did girls? He just confused me even more!

“Oh do you now? From-” I was cut off by the teacher talking then. Brian put a finger to his lip to shut me up, gave me a trademark wink and smile, and then turned to face the front.

Stupid teachers. They always pick the worst times to start their boring ass classes.

But that wink he just gave me, normally Brian saves that for the girls. I’ve never seen him do that to a guy before. What the hell does that mean? Was it a flirty wink? Was it just a wink for that hot comment being said to him before? Hell, was it even a wink at all? For all I know it could have been an eye twitch or something. Dust could have floated down into his eye and irritated it. But the coy little smile that went with it made me think otherwise.

Thirty minutes of internal debate and I finally decided that Brian had been flirting with me. This was also the time that the teacher finally found out that no one was paying attention, got a clue, and ended the lesson for the day.

“So what were you asking?” Brian inquired as he closed a notebook full of notes. I didn’t even know what the hell the teacher had been talking about, let alone taking notes. I think I heard something about the Constitution but I don’t know if that’s what we were discussing or if it was just mentioned.

“You actually took notes?” I blurted out instead of saying what I had been before. Yeah, I’m a big chicken. I can’t help it sometimes. It’s only the first day of school, Brian was actually talking to me, and I really didn’t want to ruin this with the whole “are you gay?” type talk.

“Yeah I did. I suck at this kind of stuff. I can never remember anything so I have to write it down or I forget by the time the teacher stops talking.” He turned his back and bent down to his backpack, putting his notebook in there I guess. I couldn’t pay attention to what he was doing because his shirt had gone up his back, revealing a muscular and tan back. Whew. Was he hot! “Like what you see?”

I snapped back to attention and closed my mouth, which had apparently opened. I could feel the blush that settled onto my cheeks. Never once had I been caught staring and now I was. “Um. Y-yeah,” I admitted in defeat. He knew I was looking and there was no denying it. Besides, everyone knew I was gay. I was just trying to figure out if he was gay.

“Good. A guy’s got to know what he likes, you know? Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t look at them because it’s not doing any harm.”

“So you like the attention?”

“Oh yeah I like the attention.” And then the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson. I groaned as Brian swiped up his backpack and strolled out the door. The question that was lingering on my lips, waiting and wanting to be asked was: Do you like the attention from guys or girls? And more specifically: Do you like it from me?