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daphantom — Sweet One
Published: 2003-05-31 07:41:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 109; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 19
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Description Sleep sweet one
I know I’ve been mad with you
A lot lately
But it was over little things
And I forget
You’re still the sweet one
The one that was there
Holding me up
When Josh died
The one that was there
To talk to
When things weren’t working out right
Sleep sweet one
Stay here as long as you like
I know sometimes
I say I don’t want you around anymore
But it’s a lie
And I don’t want you to be there
Around them
They don’t deserve you
You’re too good for them
They bring out the worst
They treat you like shit
And I can’t take it anymore
Stay here as long as you need to
They don’t care
You know they don’t
They said themselves
They don’t want you there
So stay here
Stay with one who cares
Don’t hurt yourself cause of them
Sleep sweet one
Sleep on as I write this and more
You can’t see
No I can’t write when anyone watches
No words will come
Go back to sleep sweet one
Sleep that’s what you should do
I will go to bed in a minute
Join my love though he’s in another place
Don’t worry
I’m here sweet one
I’ll keep you safe
I may be small
And I may look weak
But I’ll let no harm come to you
Or any of my friends
So sleep sweet one
Sleep on through the night
Do not worry of what I do
It’s of no importance
Not yet
Not til you go back to their house
No I’ll not call it your home
But its when your there
That you will see this
And read this
Not before then
No I’ll keep it to myself
I can’t be around
When people read my stuff
Cause I know how bad
My writing really is
Except for the occasional good one
And I do not believe this is one of them
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Comments: 2

ann-athema [2003-08-02 02:02:42 +0000 UTC]

I have to agree with eclipz here, it was actually rather moving untill the end. As someone who struggled alot with a hatered of my own work i understand the temptation to make excuses for yourself but doing so -in- your poem only served to ruin an otherwise beautiful peice. Anyway, it could be cleaned up a bit but other than changing the end i can't think of any specific improvements. Keep up the good work and Don't Be So Hard On Yourself.

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eclipz04 [2003-06-08 03:35:15 +0000 UTC]

The ending of this killed it, If you dont think its a good poem, why would anyone reading it? Try to submit stuff you're proud of would be my suggestion.

Though personally I think this poem was a wonderful gift to your friend, it would of cheered me if it was written for me.

-brita-

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