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DatensWriting — Different Expectations
Published: 2012-03-28 11:13:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 144; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description He never feels as alive as when he is running through the field. For Richard it's a rare occasion, when he can break away from his caretakers, when he can throw his suit to the side to crumple and not care if it gets dirty. Only a boy, he had been brought up in an influential family where the expectations were enormous. Carted around from clubs to schools to second and third houses to events to who knows what was stressful to anyone really. There are many times children from families such as these are denied anything resembling a normal childhood.

This is the reason he will run. Taking off his shoes and throwing his blazer to the side he can feel wind running through him while speed is picked up. He is no longer Richard Davidson Blake Jr, he is just a kid. To him that sensation of freedom is all he wants at the moment. Sides ache from being unaccustomed to heavy exercise and eyes water from a gust that hits just right. The grin painted on his face shows he could not care less at this moment. Like every good, it came to an end far sooner then it should have.

"Sir! Get back here immediately!"

Begrudgingly Richard turned his head and saw his driver that was supposed to look after him. A few seconds ago his feet had wings but now they felt made of stone as he trudged back through the field. His blazer had undoubtedly gotten too dirty to wear from throwing it, but the worst was only being able to find one shoe. His drivers disappointment was practically physical, crushing the air around them both.

"I do hope you are happy young Sir.."

The way the driver spoke showed he did not care if Richard was happy. If anything it was meant to make Richard more uncomfortable. The backseat of the car was lifeless, he noted. Leather and mental and plastic and dread built it. It was then Richard decided he didn't care about the drivers disappointment. Looking out the window the only thing on his mind was figuring out how to do it again.

"Yes, I am."

A small smile back on his face as the driver scowled at him, Richard felt something indescribable. Sometimes, the world wasn't all bad.
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Comments: 7

popov89 [2012-03-28 15:26:37 +0000 UTC]

None too shabby an idea, but it's written too passively. I feel it should be written with more action and more directly. For example, I would have written "Sides ache from being unaccustomed to heavy exercise and eyes water from a gust that hits just right" as "A burning sensation rises in his lungs as his breaths get larger and larger, his legs aching from the exercise." This kid is finally free to be as he wants and the writing should convey that--very active and with a whimsical feeling.

It's still a good idea for a story though, makes me think of myself as a youngster after school let out.

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DatensWriting In reply to popov89 [2012-03-28 15:31:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the criticism! I will keep that in mind for the next thing I write. I tend to lean towards passive writing and it really isn't a good thing. I am glad you liked the basic idea though. c:

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Elle-Diablo [2012-03-28 11:21:17 +0000 UTC]

Wow.... this is, just wow...

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DatensWriting In reply to Elle-Diablo [2012-03-28 11:26:40 +0000 UTC]

I hope that's a good wow? xD

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Elle-Diablo In reply to DatensWriting [2012-03-28 11:29:40 +0000 UTC]

Definitely!! Loved it...

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DatensWriting In reply to Elle-Diablo [2012-03-28 11:32:27 +0000 UTC]

I am glad then. c:

I was trying to aim for a lighthearted story, even my happy stories normally aren't exactly light.

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Elle-Diablo In reply to DatensWriting [2012-03-28 11:34:47 +0000 UTC]

This was.... You have an amazing was of expressing emotion... I want to be that little kid

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