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Published: 2014-04-08 20:15:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 490; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 0
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Description
as i open mymouth, a flock of excuses
perch upon your tongue.
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Comments: 24
haphazardmelody [2014-06-04 21:40:51 +0000 UTC]
Oh yes. This happened to me just the other day...definitely frustrating. You've captured it perfectly.
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daybreaksmiles In reply to mcckaja [2014-04-26 14:36:23 +0000 UTC]
thank you very much
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mcckaja In reply to daybreaksmiles [2014-04-26 14:37:31 +0000 UTC]
thank you for the llama
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daybreaksmiles In reply to AlecBell [2014-04-14 01:05:58 +0000 UTC]
that was the goal! glad I made it
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PaperDart [2014-04-09 12:14:21 +0000 UTC]
Evocative imagery - very nicely done.
Out of interest, are the line breaks mainly there to give the 5-7-5 structure, or should I be seeing something more in the way you've split them?
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daybreaksmiles In reply to PaperDart [2014-04-09 17:34:58 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! No, the line breaks are simply to keep haiku formatting
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ArtCrusade In reply to daybreaksmiles [2014-04-14 19:02:05 +0000 UTC]
You probably are aware of it, but this is a senryu and not a haiku, though both have the same format. I wanted to drop this comment just in case that you did not know.
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dassa440 [2014-04-09 09:52:49 +0000 UTC]
very nice. sounds like you have been let down one too many times
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daybreaksmiles In reply to dassa440 [2014-04-09 20:59:37 +0000 UTC]
yes, that's the feeling this was inspired from, thank you
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dassa440 In reply to dassa440 [2014-04-09 09:54:26 +0000 UTC]
dassa440.deviantart.com/art/Enβ¦
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AuthorKatieOlson [2014-04-09 04:08:06 +0000 UTC]
Amazing use of so few words to convey so much. Β
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AuthorKatieOlson In reply to daybreaksmiles [2014-04-09 18:43:18 +0000 UTC]
You are welcome!
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daybreaksmiles In reply to chinoise56 [2014-04-08 21:33:43 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much
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ReubenDeFlash [2014-04-08 20:19:58 +0000 UTC]
Short and powerful. It takes a lot of skill to say so much in so few words.
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ReubenDeFlash In reply to daybreaksmiles [2014-04-09 07:30:29 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome
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