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Danbuster charged across the passage of the old castle with a wild shout. He was eager to thwart his brother Retsubnad in his latest scheme. So eager, in fact, that he had left Frederick and Spencer out of it! The ferret had gone back to his home for the week, to spend time with his foster family, and without Frederick’s impetus, Spencer was unwilling to haul his butt out of his armchair.

“Have at you, bro! You won’t be taking over the world today!”

Retsubnad laughed at Danbuster’s bold words, as he fended off his eccentric brother’s attack with his own long curved sword.

“Ha-ha! You think so? I haven’t even begun to put my plans into action yet! But since you’re already fighting me, at least there’s a start to my plans…”

Though Danbuster was puzzled at this insinuation, he continued to press his advantage. With his friends elsewhere, the hare was backed up by his North American buddy, Alex.

Even as the Leadboot brothers were engaged in a sparring swordfight, the raccoon-glider was struggling to handle the wizard-hare’s sidekicks, Wally and Thoronraw, who had him flanked from either side.

“You dare threaten Master Retsy with a sword?” warned the gryphon, “Not on my watch, Alex!”

Alex took a fearsome swipe at Thoronraw, but the gryphon launched himself into the air to avoid it.

“Ooh… get down here you!” Alex demanded.

“Not likely!” retorted Thorornaw, “Danbuster, I trust… even if he IS a March Hare… but you’re way too violent and lethal with that thing!”

While Alex was distracted, Wally tried to whale on him with a rolling pin, though the weedy weasel’s efforts were less than effective.

“Leave Master alone, you big bully!” he squealed.

“Well, tell your master that he’s NOT getting the Red, White and Blue of my country!” Alex responded.

“He’s not interested in your flag!” Wally pointed out, “He’s just interested in ruling the whole world!”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm, good point… but he’s still not ruling the United States!”

Then Thoronraw swooped by and thrust out with a sharp talon, jabbing Alex’s backside, making him jump.

“THIS is a good point too, mate!” he joked.

The battle between Alex and Thoronraw led the raccoon-glider into the main hall, where he practically collided with Danbuster. Retsubnad retreated before them. As Wally and Thoronraw recovered themselves, Alex and Dan turned their attention on the wizard-hare.

“Looks like we got you cornered, bro,” said Danbuster.

Retsubnad just smirked. “You think this is over so soon, eh?”

“If you mean dropping down to your knees and surrendering,” said Alex, “Yes!”

“It’s a little early for THAT sort of nonsense, don’t you think?” replied Retsubnad.

“What do you have planned?” asked Alex, “More magic?”

“Well, duh! I AM a wizard, you know!” reminded Retsy, “A powerful one! And I’ve something up my sleeve yet…”

“Be careful, Alex… he may be armed…” quipped Dan.

Alex just laughed mirthlessly. “Do your worst ya carrot-chompin’ chump! You’re doomed!”

Danbuster shut his eyes in frustration. “Alex! Really! Just because we love carrots, it doesn’t mean you have to turn it into a disparaging remark! I’m a hare too, you know!”

For one time in this banter, Retsy switched over to his brother’s side over the insulting gesture, “Yeah, have some respect! You don’t like being called a trash-eater any more than we like being called long-eared, buck-toothed, long-legged rabbits!”

“Thanks, bro!” grinned Dan.

Sheepishly, Alex itched the back of his head. He knew he was in the wrong. “Sorry about that remark, but hey! Whose side are you on?!”

As Danbuster turned to counter-argue his partner in crime, Retsy grinned and later replied. “You’re welcome, And meanwhile, since you’ve provided me a distraction by turning your own insults turned back on yourselves…” Glowing green, the hare left the sentence unfinished as he levitated up into the air to escape their clutches. “I told you I had something else up my sleeve… and I don’t mean my arms! Who’s up for a game of… ‘Ganon Tennis’ – you know, from the Zelda games?”

Alex smirked, “Heh, tennis? I’m down for a brief game! Good idea!”

“Yes, just like how we’d play cricket over here,” agreed Danbuster.

Retsubnad began to fling fireballs at both of his opponents, hoping to discourage them from further assault on his person. Dan and Alex in their turn used their flat edge of their sword blades to deflect the fireballs back at Retsy, who found himself hard put to keep batting them back. And yet during these rallies, the hare kept his cool as he tried to explain the game of cricket to his American friend. Due to Alex’s background in America, the game he’s familiar with, is baseball. After deflecting the flaming projectile back and forth, the game soon began to get out of hand. Dan and Alex remained unscathed but Retsubnad found himself with singed robes, and even Wally ended up with his tail on fire!

As the weasel squealed, he paused in his failing, dropped to the floor, trying to extinguish himself out, Thoronraw finally decided things had gone far enough. Grabbing a mace, he locked on with Alex’s sword, trying to force him into submission.

“This is enough!” cried the gryphon, “If you’re not going to stop this fighting, I’ll have to stop it for you!”

Wally tried to assist Thoronraw, resulting in a three-way with Alex. With only his katana at his disposal, he was temporarily outmatched, until Alex noticed Wally chuckling noisily.

“Hehe, look at the way you’re waving that thing about, you fat bully!” giggled the weasel, “You’re fighting like a dairy farmer!”

Alex laughed, he knew this banter from a game he once played and replied: “Ha! Is that the best insult you could throw at me, Wally? You fight like a cow!”

“Yeah, well… you’d never catch ME fighting that badly!” taunted Thoronraw, as he joined in the banter.

“Oh, you can run THAT fast, Thoronraw?” countered Alex, grinning toothily.

Meanwhile, Danbuster had barely caught his breath after the ‘Ganon-tennis’ match. He was about to have at Retsubnad again when the wizard-hare pulled his final trump card. Teleporting himself to his seat of power in the middle of the room, Retsy threw his arms wide and gave a loud triumphant yell, grabbing everyone’s attention.

“Enough of the stupid insult-jousts! You guys should go away on a little holiday…”

Before the pair knew what was happening, a green glowing vortex opened before them, it opened wider and wider – and like a black hole in space, it even had a gravitational pull! Thoronraw and Wally were obliged to grab onto the nearest wall-banners to prevent themselves from being pulled in. However, it was Dan and Alex who were the real targets. With nothing to stop themselves being pulled them into the swirling vortex, they found themselves lifted off the floor as they began to be pulled inside!

“Another portal?!” cried Danbuster, “This again?! Alex, hold on!” He made one more failing effort to hold onto whatever he can get his paws on.

“Didn’t you learn your lesson from before?” Alex hissed as he glared angrily at the hare-wizard, trying to grasp at the stone floor. But then, he lost his grip and was sucked in, roaring over the howling wind of the vortex: “RETSUBNAD!! I’LL GET YOU, YOU SON OF A… AAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!!”

As Alex disappeared through the open portal, Danbuster made one last appeal to Retsubnad before he too disappeared.

“NO, BROTHEEEEER!!”

He reached an imploring paw towards Retsy before disappearing, but Retsy closed his eyes and tried not to let his feelings for his brother cloud his better judgement. As the portal closed, the room fell back in silence as the chaos of the skirmish silenced. Thoronraw and Wally are left staring in disbelief at Retsy.

“Master!” exclaimed Wally, “What did you do? Are they gone forever?”
Thoronraw looks similarly unimpressed. “Seriously, Retsubnad…? Again, with the dimensional portals…?”

Retsubnad shrugged back and replied softly: “At least it gets them out of my hair for a while, anyway…” Thoronraw reared up onto his hind legs and waved a disciplinary talon at him.

“Look, have you forgotten what happened last time you sent them into other dimensions? When you sent them into those Classic Sonic videogames?” Throronraw reminded him, “The Classic Robotnik was still a formidable opponent, even for his absurd appearance. They nearly died more than once, let’s not also forget the crucial detail that apparently you forgot. Unlike the resident videogame characters who have multiple lives, Alex and Dan cannot respawn… being outside of the game’s code… it’s one life and a permanent game over!”
“Plus, no continues either!” Wally chipped in, waving a finger.

“Relax, Thoronraw,” replied Retsubnad, waving his hands placatingly. “I learned my lesson. I didn’t send them back there. Where they’ve gone this time should be perfectly safe for them for the time being… and it’ll give me time to conquer the world. I can always bring them back later…much later.”

Wally could not help fretting a bit. “I just hope it’s a world they can enjoy spending time in… otherwise Alex is going to be more ticked off than a drunken sailor on extended shore leave…”

His tail twitched nervously as he recalled the ‘nightmare face’ Alex could make when he was really riled up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tumbling head over heels through a green vortex. Alex found himself recalling a book composed by a certain ‘wheelchair-bound scientist’, while Danbuster looked around him in bewilderment. Everything seemed to fade to darkness and back to illumination for a few seconds, with nothing to be seen around them but the impression of distant galaxies of stars whizzing past all at high speeds. It was difficult to make sense where exactly they’re at or where they’re going, but wherever they were heading, he had a feeling they were not in the UAK any longer.

“I got a feeling that when this baby hits 88mph…” remarked Danbuster, “we’re going to see some serious… shhhherbet dabs…” prompting an aside glance from his Raccoon buddy, who was unaware of a peculiar metamorphosis he was himself undergoing, as he travelled in all directions at once.

Suddenly, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel, rapidly growing blindingly brighter and brighter. Then as quickly as it started, their incredible journey came to an abrupt end, even before they could gather their thoughts…

SPLOOOOSH!!

They found themselves floundering about in a large lake! Open water – one thing Danbuster despised making contact with! Splashing about for a few seconds, they soon managed to reach the shallows, but the hare was beside himself with annoyance brought about by aquaphobic panic.

“Thrown into a lake! That’s ALL I needed!” he whined, “Gah! Just look at my clothes! If my kilt shrinks, Retsubnad is going to pay dearly! In fact, he’ll pay dearly for the cost of the laundry for ALL my clothes… not to mention, I’ll definitely make him personally wash and dry and groom my messed-up fur for me! Each strand! Each Whisker! Every nook and cranny!!”

Alex, however, was in no mood for his friend’s griping. As soon as he dried his glasses, he gasped out: “Stop being a wet blanket, Dan! You should try to go swimming more often, you’ll feel better.”

“You know I’m not comfortable in water, mate! Besides…” Danbuster paused as he examined his companion with a sharp eye. “YOU should worry, and worry A LOT! Are you sure it’s not just my clothes that could shrink in cold water…?”

Sure enough something was a bit off with his raccoon friend.

“What do you mean?” asked Alex, itching behind his head, puzzled.

“Well, look what’s happened to you!”

Alex glanced back at the lake and caught his reflection in the lake. Somehow, during their travels, he had changed dramatically. His wing-membranes had inexplicably vanished and his ears and tail were smaller! He wasn’t a Raccoon/Glider hybrid anymore, but his old raccoon self! Alex’s jaw dropped to the ground!

“Wh… wh… what’s happened?! WHERE THE HECK IS MY GLIDER MEMBRANES?! What happened to my large ears?! AND MY TAIL!? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!?” Alex roared, the water near him rippled.

“Looks like you’re back to your old former design again,” said Dan “Aside from you blue streaked hair, anyway.”

Danbuster watched in amazement as his companion struggled with a sudden identity crisis. Alex was stomping about in a rage, muttering some highly colourful language, which soiled the air around him.

Sitting on a rock, Danbuster tried to shut out his friend’s outburst and gather his thoughts, scratching his chin.

“We must have been thrown into a world where hydrids don’t exist…” remarked the hare, as he tried to take stock of the situation. “The problem is WHERE are we exactly?”

As he looked around, he started to notice his surroundings. All the trees and woodlands, they all seemed strangely familiar somehow, despite the fact that he had never seen it firsthand. To the west, he saw a winding path that stretched from north to south, and across the way, rolling plains as far as the eye could see. To the east, thick lush woodland in the flush of early summer. And to the north, a large sandstone building like a fortress of some sort.

“This seems… familiar,” muttered Danbuster, more to himself than to Alex, “That building. I’ve been there before… in many books I’ve read long ago.”

Alex, finally calmed down enough to listen into his long-eared friend’s comment.

“What are you saying? Do you know where we are?”

“That redstone building over there… “began Danbuster. “I’ve got a feeling about it… a very familiar feeling.”

“Whatever it is, it’s definitely a building,” said Alex, “We should investigate. At least it seems to be a hint of some sort of civilization, at least.”

“Well, it’s better than sitting around moping,” agreed Dan, “Who knows how long we’ll be stuck here. We may as well make the most of it. Seems a such a peaceful woodland area…”

With a short trek, the pair worked their way towards the building, reaching the path and following it north. It ran close to the main doors of the great fortress, where the main gates faced west towards them. As soon as Danbuster got a real good look at the large building, he gasped in amazement. This was indeed the place as he imagined it in fantasy novels by the famed Brian Jacques.

“Redwall Abbey!” he cried, “It is! It’s Redwall Abbey!”

“So long is it isn’t a model,” Alex remarked softly as he started to feel the sandstone walls. “Nope. Feels real enough.”

“Well, credit where it’s due to my brother,” said Dan, “At least he sent us somewhere nice this time.”

Alex looked doubtful. He wanted to hiss at the mere mention of Retsy, but then his ears perked up. “Wait a second, I just remembered something! If we’re in a medieval fantasy world like this, we can’t be using our High Frequency blades.”

Danbuster raised an eyebrow. “Eh? Why not? Swords are perfectly valid weapons of choice in this world, even if their designs are a little modern…”

“That’s just it,” said Alex. “We have to protect the world order! It’s bad enough that I’m in here and none of the Redwallers ever dealt with a Raccoon before. But they’d never get their heads around anachronisms like guns or cartoons or mobile phones, as well as internet networks!”

Danbuster nodded and grunted. What Alex said made sense. If this WAS indeed Redwall, there would sure be more questions asked than Little Orphan Annie, if they brought these anachronisms with them.

“Well, I suppose my old sabre is all right,” Danbuster stated as he examined his trusty blade. “All I have to do is switch off the HF feature Einspine adapted into it… there, it’s done. I’m not sure about your fancy katana, though… and if I recall, Mr Jacques never wrote any raccoons into the Redwall history. Too American, I guess… he only dealt in European woodland animals who were predominantly of the variety present in Britain, well except for that solitary beaver. As far as Mr Jacques goes, he always made specific animals the good beasts or baddies… between ourselves, I wonder if he was secretly xenophobic…”

Alex scratched his ear thoughtfully. “Yeah, I wonder why the author always wrote rats, stoats, ferrets and the like as bad guys? I mean certainly Spencer and Frederick would be outcast automatically, if this IS Redwall.”

“True,” agreed Dan, “it was only a select few who were counted as ‘good guys’ from among the vermin-types… and the majority of them ended their story on a bittersweet ‘Redemption Equals Death trope’ sort of note… though I’m sure Frederick could have convinced the Redwallers of his good intentions. He was raised by otters; he always behaved more like one of their kind than a ferret. He’d have to back up Spencer, though. Can’t see him convincing anyone he’s anything less than a scruffy little rat…”

Recalling the image of Frederick and Spencer in his subconscious, Alex itched his chin and then chimed up: “Well, you know what I always say about our fellow anthro friends, Danbuster?”

“No, what DO you always say?” Dan replied, puzzled.

“Punish the Deed, not the breed!”

Danbuster chuckled a bit. “Not bad… I actually kind of like that phrase, but we should knock on the door or something? Judging by the position of this Mossflower sun, it’s getting late in the morning.”

Without further ado, the hare confidently knocked at the great doors. As they waited for a response, Alex looked a little nervous, though. He gave the large walls another examination, he felt like he was waltzing into the entrance of a huge armed fortress.

“Wow, this place is huge!” he mumbled quietly.

Seeing his friend so awestruck, Danbuster smiled cheerfully as he recalled more information of this place. “Well, it was built to not only house an entire community of peaceful woodlanders… it was built to SUPPORT that community for seasons to come. This place is pretty much self-sufficient, even in the event of an enemy siege. Didn’t you ever read the books? They’re ALWAYS a welcome for peaceful travellers at Redwall Abbey!”

As he was explaining all this, he the door another knock - a tad heavier than he intended, due to his excitement. He shook his numbed paw and knocked again in a familiar rhythm: pom-pompa pom-pom!

As the two waited for a response, Alex crossed his arms and said, “I’ll admit, I did grow up watching the TV series a long time ago. Some moments were a bit too intense for me to keep watching though.”

Danbuster spluttered with surprise. Never he heard anybody call the animated show intense before. “Pfff… the TV series, too intense? You should have seen the Secret of NIMH! That made the battles in Nelvana’s Redwall series look like playground squabbles in a kindergarten! If you read the books, they got far more intense than a kids’ cartoon company had the brass to depict, depending how your imagination was…” Danbuster replied.

After a few minutes, a big burly male otter appeared on the ramparts, spear in hand and whiskers twitching. He called back down to them.

“Ahoy! Who goes there?”

Alex looked upward back at the otter guard. “Oh, an otter? HEY! YOU UP THERE!” he waved.

Danbuster waved as well and bellowed out a thunderous. “HELLOOOOO!!”

“Who are you, and what d’you want?” called the otter, his voice growing slightly impatient.

Alex searched for the right words, trying to follow a polite protocol. “Uhh… err… WE REQUEST ENTRANCE, PLEASE!! WOULD YOU LET US INSIDE?”

The otter called back, telling them to wait, and then disappeared from view.

“Oh yes, better not talk about the cartoons once we’re in there…” remarked Danbuster.

After a few moments, the great doors slowly swung open, like a great yawning beast. To their surprise, they were met by the small lone figure, a mouse in a green robe, armed with a great round shield, emblazoned with a mighty “M”, a magnificent sword slung over the mouse’s back. Instantly recognising the mouse’s gear, Danbuster was amazed at the craftsmanship of that mighty blade, even from what little he could see. Immediately he guessed who he was, but Alex was the first to get his voice out.

“W-wwoah… a mouse? Who might you be?” Alex asked, tilting his head as he stared in amazement.

The mouse warrior returned the raccoon’s stare, he kept a firm but warm smile upon his face, as he introduced himself to the two newcomers. “I am Champion and Protector of Redwall Abbey… but you ought to disclose who you are first and state your business. We can get to formalities in due course.”

Alex was about to reply when Danbuster quickly took charge, knowing a bit more about how things worked in Redwall than his inexperienced friend. He stepped forward, placed his paw on his chest and, with a bright smile, he introduced himself: “My name is Danbuster Cameronean Leadboot, sir. You can call me Danbuster… or Dan. I don’t mind, so long as you don’t call me late for dinner!” he winked as he had his little joke.

The mouse warrior hid a smile and then replied with a growing chuckle. “Heh, typical hare-joke, that… I can imagine you can eat for Mossflower when you want to?”

Danbuster, in a reply shrugged modestly, “Well, put carrot cheesecake in front of me and I’ll plough my way through it like…” his banter was interrupted as Alex started nudging him, eager to speak. “Errr, sorry! I’m getting ahead of myself. This is my friend, Alex. Alex the… Raccoon.”

“Delighted to meet you,” smiled the Champion of Redwall, “I am Matthias the Warrior of Redwall.”

Alex grinned as he shook paws with Matthias. “What a very cool name, Matthias! It’s almost… poetic in a way.”

“Thank you,” replied Matthias, “Although Danbuster is pretty unusual too, as names go… come to think of it, we haven’t seen an Alex in these parts either…”

He continued to examine the stripy-tailed stranger.

“Hello, what’s up?” asked the raccoon, a toothy smile growing on his face.

Matthias looked up, puzzled by the turn of phrase. “Huh? Clouds, the sky, that’s what’s up.”
Danbuster giggled. “Hehe… that’s not what he meant…”

“Then why did your funny friend ask me what was up there?”

Alex interjected before Danbuster could confuse the warrior mouse any further, “Ah, that’s how I say: ‘Hello’ and ‘How are things?’ where I live.”

Matthias looked thoughtful, still trying to make out what kind of beast is Alex, a hint of caution developing. “You must come from somewhere REALLY far away.”

Danbuster snorted quietly. “Huh, you have no idea, mate…”

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Danbuster charged across the passage of the old castle with a wild shout. He was eager to thwart his brother Retsubnad in his latest scheme. So eager, in fact, that he had left Frederick and Spencer out of it! The ferret had gone back to his home for the week, to spend time with his foster family, and without Frederick’s impetus, Spencer was unwilling to haul his butt out of his armchair.

“Have at you, bro! You won’t be taking over the world today!”

Retsubnad laughed at Danbuster’s bold words, as he fended off his eccentric brother’s attack with his own long curved sword.

“Ha-ha! You think so? I haven’t even begun to put my plans into action yet! But since you’re already fighting me, at least there’s a start to my plans…”

Though Danbuster was puzzled at this insinuation, he continued to press his advantage. With his friends elsewhere, the hare was backed up by his North American buddy, Alex.

Even as the Leadboot brothers were engaged in a sparring swordfight, the raccoon-glider was struggling to handle the wizard-hare’s sidekicks, Wally and Thoronraw, who had him flanked from either side.

“You dare threaten Master Retsy with a sword?” warned the gryphon, “Not on my watch, Alex!”

Alex took a fearsome swipe at Thoronraw, but the gryphon launched himself into the air to avoid it.

“Ooh… get down here you!” Alex demanded.

“Not likely!” retorted Thorornaw, “Danbuster, I trust… even if he IS a March Hare… but you’re way too violent and lethal with that thing!”

While Alex was distracted, Wally tried to whale on him with a rolling pin, though the weedy weasel’s efforts were less than effective.

“Leave Master alone, you big bully!” he squealed.

“Well, tell your master that he’s NOT getting the Red, White and Blue of my country!” Alex responded.

“He’s not interested in your flag!” Wally pointed out, “He’s just interested in ruling the whole world!”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm, good point… but he’s still not ruling the United States!”

Then Thoronraw swooped by and thrust out with a sharp talon, jabbing Alex’s backside, making him jump.

“THIS is a good point too, mate!” he joked.

The battle between Alex and Thoronraw led the raccoon-glider into the main hall, where he practically collided with Danbuster. Retsubnad retreated before them. As Wally and Thoronraw recovered themselves, Alex and Dan turned their attention on the wizard-hare.

“Looks like we got you cornered, bro,” said Danbuster.

Retsubnad just smirked. “You think this is over so soon, eh?”

“If you mean dropping down to your knees and surrendering,” said Alex, “Yes!”

“It’s a little early for THAT sort of nonsense, don’t you think?” replied Retsubnad.

“What do you have planned?” asked Alex, “More magic?”

“Well, duh! I AM a wizard, you know!” reminded Retsy, “A powerful one! And I’ve something up my sleeve yet…”

“Be careful, Alex… he may be armed…” quipped Dan.

Alex just laughed mirthlessly. “Do your worst ya carrot-chompin’ chump! You’re doomed!”

Danbuster shut his eyes in frustration. “Alex! Really! Just because we love carrots, it doesn’t mean you have to turn it into a disparaging remark! I’m a hare too, you know!”

For one time in this banter, Retsy switched over to his brother’s side over the insulting gesture, “Yeah, have some respect! You don’t like being called a trash-eater any more than we like being called long-eared, buck-toothed, long-legged rabbits!”

“Thanks, bro!” grinned Dan.

Sheepishly, Alex itched the back of his head. He knew he was in the wrong. “Sorry about that remark, but hey! Whose side are you on?!”

As Danbuster turned to counter-argue his partner in crime, Retsy grinned and later replied. “You’re welcome, And meanwhile, since you’ve provided me a distraction by turning your own insults turned back on yourselves…” Glowing green, the hare left the sentence unfinished as he levitated up into the air to escape their clutches. “I told you I had something else up my sleeve… and I don’t mean my arms! Who’s up for a game of… ‘Ganon Tennis’ – you know, from the Zelda games?”

Alex smirked, “Heh, tennis? I’m down for a brief game! Good idea!”

“Yes, just like how we’d play cricket over here,” agreed Danbuster.

Retsubnad began to fling fireballs at both of his opponents, hoping to discourage them from further assault on his person. Dan and Alex in their turn used their flat edge of their sword blades to deflect the fireballs back at Retsy, who found himself hard put to keep batting them back. And yet during these rallies, the hare kept his cool as he tried to explain the game of cricket to his American friend. Due to Alex’s background in America, the game he’s familiar with, is baseball. After deflecting the flaming projectile back and forth, the game soon began to get out of hand. Dan and Alex remained unscathed but Retsubnad found himself with singed robes, and even Wally ended up with his tail on fire!

As the weasel squealed, he paused in his failing, dropped to the floor, trying to extinguish himself out, Thoronraw finally decided things had gone far enough. Grabbing a mace, he locked on with Alex’s sword, trying to force him into submission.

“This is enough!” cried the gryphon, “If you’re not going to stop this fighting, I’ll have to stop it for you!”

Wally tried to assist Thoronraw, resulting in a three-way with Alex. With only his katana at his disposal, he was temporarily outmatched, until Alex noticed Wally chuckling noisily.

“Hehe, look at the way you’re waving that thing about, you fat bully!” giggled the weasel, “You’re fighting like a dairy farmer!”

Alex laughed, he knew this banter from a game he once played and replied: “Ha! Is that the best insult you could throw at me, Wally? You fight like a cow!”

“Yeah, well… you’d never catch ME fighting that badly!” taunted Thoronraw, as he joined in the banter.

“Oh, you can run THAT fast, Thoronraw?” countered Alex, grinning toothily.

Meanwhile, Danbuster had barely caught his breath after the ‘Ganon-tennis’ match. He was about to have at Retsubnad again when the wizard-hare pulled his final trump card. Teleporting himself to his seat of power in the middle of the room, Retsy threw his arms wide and gave a loud triumphant yell, grabbing everyone’s attention.

“Enough of the stupid insult-jousts! You guys should go away on a little holiday…”

Before the pair knew what was happening, a green glowing vortex opened before them, it opened wider and wider – and like a black hole in space, it even had a gravitational pull! Thoronraw and Wally were obliged to grab onto the nearest wall-banners to prevent themselves from being pulled in. However, it was Dan and Alex who were the real targets. With nothing to stop themselves being pulled them into the swirling vortex, they found themselves lifted off the floor as they began to be pulled inside!

“Another portal?!” cried Danbuster, “This again?! Alex, hold on!” He made one more failing effort to hold onto whatever he can get his paws on.

“Didn’t you learn your lesson from before?” Alex hissed as he glared angrily at the hare-wizard, trying to grasp at the stone floor. But then, he lost his grip and was sucked in, roaring over the howling wind of the vortex: “RETSUBNAD!! I’LL GET YOU, YOU SON OF A… AAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!!”

As Alex disappeared through the open portal, Danbuster made one last appeal to Retsubnad before he too disappeared.

“NO, BROTHEEEEER!!”

He reached an imploring paw towards Retsy before disappearing, but Retsy closed his eyes and tried not to let his feelings for his brother cloud his better judgement. As the portal closed, the room fell back in silence as the chaos of the skirmish silenced. Thoronraw and Wally are left staring in disbelief at Retsy.

“Master!” exclaimed Wally, “What did you do? Are they gone forever?”
Thoronraw looks similarly unimpressed. “Seriously, Retsubnad…? Again, with the dimensional portals…?”

Retsubnad shrugged back and replied softly: “At least it gets them out of my hair for a while, anyway…” Thoronraw reared up onto his hind legs and waved a disciplinary talon at him.

“Look, have you forgotten what happened last time you sent them into other dimensions? When you sent them into those Classic Sonic videogames?” Throronraw reminded him, “The Classic Robotnik was still a formidable opponent, even for his absurd appearance. They nearly died more than once, let’s not also forget the crucial detail that apparently you forgot. Unlike the resident videogame characters who have multiple lives, Alex and Dan cannot respawn… being outside of the game’s code… it’s one life and a permanent game over!”
“Plus, no continues either!” Wally chipped in, waving a finger.

“Relax, Thoronraw,” replied Retsubnad, waving his hands placatingly. “I learned my lesson. I didn’t send them back there. Where they’ve gone this time should be perfectly safe for them for the time being… and it’ll give me time to conquer the world. I can always bring them back later…much later.”

Wally could not help fretting a bit. “I just hope it’s a world they can enjoy spending time in… otherwise Alex is going to be more ticked off than a drunken sailor on extended shore leave…”

His tail twitched nervously as he recalled the ‘nightmare face’ Alex could make when he was really riled up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tumbling head over heels through a green vortex. Alex found himself recalling a book composed by a certain ‘wheelchair-bound scientist’, while Danbuster looked around him in bewilderment. Everything seemed to fade to darkness and back to illumination for a few seconds, with nothing to be seen around them but the impression of distant galaxies of stars whizzing past all at high speeds. It was difficult to make sense where exactly they’re at or where they’re going, but wherever they were heading, he had a feeling they were not in the UAK any longer.

“I got a feeling that when this baby hits 88mph…” remarked Danbuster, “we’re going to see some serious… shhhherbet dabs…” prompting an aside glance from his Raccoon buddy, who was unaware of a peculiar metamorphosis he was himself undergoing, as he travelled in all directions at once.

Suddenly, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel, rapidly growing blindingly brighter and brighter. Then as quickly as it started, their incredible journey came to an abrupt end, even before they could gather their thoughts…

SPLOOOOSH!!

They found themselves floundering about in a large lake! Open water – one thing Danbuster despised making contact with! Splashing about for a few seconds, they soon managed to reach the shallows, but the hare was beside himself with annoyance brought about by aquaphobic panic.

“Thrown into a lake! That’s ALL I needed!” he whined, “Gah! Just look at my clothes! If my kilt shrinks, Retsubnad is going to pay dearly! In fact, he’ll pay dearly for the cost of the laundry for ALL my clothes… not to mention, I’ll definitely make him personally wash and dry and groom my messed-up fur for me! Each strand! Each Whisker! Every nook and cranny!!”

Alex, however, was in no mood for his friend’s griping. As soon as he dried his glasses, he gasped out: “Stop being a wet blanket, Dan! You should try to go swimming more often, you’ll feel better.”

“You know I’m not comfortable in water, mate! Besides…” Danbuster paused as he examined his companion with a sharp eye. “YOU should worry, and worry A LOT! Are you sure it’s not just my clothes that could shrink in cold water…?”

Sure enough something was a bit off with his raccoon friend.

“What do you mean?” asked Alex, itching behind his head, puzzled.

“Well, look what’s happened to you!”

Alex glanced back at the lake and caught his reflection in the lake. Somehow, during their travels, he had changed dramatically. His wing-membranes had inexplicably vanished and his ears and tail were smaller! He wasn’t a Raccoon/Glider hybrid anymore, but his old raccoon self! Alex’s jaw dropped to the ground!

“Wh… wh… what’s happened?! WHERE THE HECK IS MY GLIDER MEMBRANES?! What happened to my large ears?! AND MY TAIL!? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!?” Alex roared, the water near him rippled.

“Looks like you’re back to your old former design again,” said Dan “Aside from you blue streaked hair, anyway.”

Danbuster watched in amazement as his companion struggled with a sudden identity crisis. Alex was stomping about in a rage, muttering some highly colourful language, which soiled the air around him.

Sitting on a rock, Danbuster tried to shut out his friend’s outburst and gather his thoughts, scratching his chin.

“We must have been thrown into a world where hydrids don’t exist…” remarked the hare, as he tried to take stock of the situation. “The problem is WHERE are we exactly?”

As he looked around, he started to notice his surroundings. All the trees and woodlands, they all seemed strangely familiar somehow, despite the fact that he had never seen it firsthand. To the west, he saw a winding path that stretched from north to south, and across the way, rolling plains as far as the eye could see. To the east, thick lush woodland in the flush of early summer. And to the north, a large sandstone building like a fortress of some sort.

“This seems… familiar,” muttered Danbuster, more to himself than to Alex, “That building. I’ve been there before… in many books I’ve read long ago.”

Alex, finally calmed down enough to listen into his long-eared friend’s comment.

“What are you saying? Do you know where we are?”

“That redstone building over there… “began Danbuster. “I’ve got a feeling about it… a very familiar feeling.”

“Whatever it is, it’s definitely a building,” said Alex, “We should investigate. At least it seems to be a hint of some sort of civilization, at least.”

“Well, it’s better than sitting around moping,” agreed Dan, “Who knows how long we’ll be stuck here. We may as well make the most of it. Seems a such a peaceful woodland area…”

With a short trek, the pair worked their way towards the building, reaching the path and following it north. It ran close to the main doors of the great fortress, where the main gates faced west towards them. As soon as Danbuster got a real good look at the large building, he gasped in amazement. This was indeed the place as he imagined it in fantasy novels by the famed Brian Jacques.

“Redwall Abbey!” he cried, “It is! It’s Redwall Abbey!”

“So long is it isn’t a model,” Alex remarked softly as he started to feel the sandstone walls. “Nope. Feels real enough.”

“Well, credit where it’s due to my brother,” said Dan, “At least he sent us somewhere nice this time.”

Alex looked doubtful. He wanted to hiss at the mere mention of Retsy, but then his ears perked up. “Wait a second, I just remembered something! If we’re in a medieval fantasy world like this, we can’t be using our High Frequency blades.”

Danbuster raised an eyebrow. “Eh? Why not? Swords are perfectly valid weapons of choice in this world, even if their designs are a little modern…”

“That’s just it,” said Alex. “We have to protect the world order! It’s bad enough that I’m in here and none of the Redwallers ever dealt with a Raccoon before. But they’d never get their heads around anachronisms like guns or cartoons or mobile phones, as well as internet networks!”

Danbuster nodded and grunted. What Alex said made sense. If this WAS indeed Redwall, there would sure be more questions asked than Little Orphan Annie, if they brought these anachronisms with them.

“Well, I suppose my old sabre is all right,” Danbuster stated as he examined his trusty blade. “All I have to do is switch off the HF feature Einspine adapted into it… there, it’s done. I’m not sure about your fancy katana, though… and if I recall, Mr Jacques never wrote any raccoons into the Redwall history. Too American, I guess… he only dealt in European woodland animals who were predominantly of the variety present in Britain, well except for that solitary beaver. As far as Mr Jacques goes, he always made specific animals the good beasts or baddies… between ourselves, I wonder if he was secretly xenophobic…”

Alex scratched his ear thoughtfully. “Yeah, I wonder why the author always wrote rats, stoats, ferrets and the like as bad guys? I mean certainly Spencer and Frederick would be outcast automatically, if this IS Redwall.”

“True,” agreed Dan, “it was only a select few who were counted as ‘good guys’ from among the vermin-types… and the majority of them ended their story on a bittersweet ‘Redemption Equals Death trope’ sort of note… though I’m sure Frederick could have convinced the Redwallers of his good intentions. He was raised by otters; he always behaved more like one of their kind than a ferret. He’d have to back up Spencer, though. Can’t see him convincing anyone he’s anything less than a scruffy little rat…”

Recalling the image of Frederick and Spencer in his subconscious, Alex itched his chin and then chimed up: “Well, you know what I always say about our fellow anthro friends, Danbuster?”

“No, what DO you always say?” Dan replied, puzzled.

“Punish the Deed, not the breed!”

Danbuster chuckled a bit. “Not bad… I actually kind of like that phrase, but we should knock on the door or something? Judging by the position of this Mossflower sun, it’s getting late in the morning.”

Without further ado, the hare confidently knocked at the great doors. As they waited for a response, Alex looked a little nervous, though. He gave the large walls another examination, he felt like he was waltzing into the entrance of a huge armed fortress.

“Wow, this place is huge!” he mumbled quietly.

Seeing his friend so awestruck, Danbuster smiled cheerfully as he recalled more information of this place. “Well, it was built to not only house an entire community of peaceful woodlanders… it was built to SUPPORT that community for seasons to come. This place is pretty much self-sufficient, even in the event of an enemy siege. Didn’t you ever read the books? They’re ALWAYS a welcome for peaceful travellers at Redwall Abbey!”

As he was explaining all this, he the door another knock - a tad heavier than he intended, due to his excitement. He shook his numbed paw and knocked again in a familiar rhythm: pom-pompa pom-pom!

As the two waited for a response, Alex crossed his arms and said, “I’ll admit, I did grow up watching the TV series a long time ago. Some moments were a bit too intense for me to keep watching though.”

Danbuster spluttered with surprise. Never he heard anybody call the animated show intense before. “Pfff… the TV series, too intense? You should have seen the Secret of NIMH! That made the battles in Nelvana’s Redwall series look like playground squabbles in a kindergarten! If you read the books, they got far more intense than a kids’ cartoon company had the brass to depict, depending how your imagination was…” Danbuster replied.

After a few minutes, a big burly male otter appeared on the ramparts, spear in hand and whiskers twitching. He called back down to them.

“Ahoy! Who goes there?”

Alex looked upward back at the otter guard. “Oh, an otter? HEY! YOU UP THERE!” he waved.

Danbuster waved as well and bellowed out a thunderous. “HELLOOOOO!!”

“Who are you, and what d’you want?” called the otter, his voice growing slightly impatient.

Alex searched for the right words, trying to follow a polite protocol. “Uhh… err… WE REQUEST ENTRANCE, PLEASE!! WOULD YOU LET US INSIDE?”

The otter called back, telling them to wait, and then disappeared from view.

“Oh yes, better not talk about the cartoons once we’re in there…” remarked Danbuster.

After a few moments, the great doors slowly swung open, like a great yawning beast. To their surprise, they were met by the small lone figure, a mouse in a green robe, armed with a great round shield, emblazoned with a mighty “M”, a magnificent sword slung over the mouse’s back. Instantly recognising the mouse’s gear, Danbuster was amazed at the craftsmanship of that mighty blade, even from what little he could see. Immediately he guessed who he was, but Alex was the first to get his voice out.

“W-wwoah… a mouse? Who might you be?” Alex asked, tilting his head as he stared in amazement.

The mouse warrior returned the raccoon’s stare, he kept a firm but warm smile upon his face, as he introduced himself to the two newcomers. “I am Champion and Protector of Redwall Abbey… but you ought to disclose who you are first and state your business. We can get to formalities in due course.”

Alex was about to reply when Danbuster quickly took charge, knowing a bit more about how things worked in Redwall than his inexperienced friend. He stepped forward, placed his paw on his chest and, with a bright smile, he introduced himself: “My name is Danbuster Cameronean Leadboot, sir. You can call me Danbuster… or Dan. I don’t mind, so long as you don’t call me late for dinner!” he winked as he had his little joke.

The mouse warrior hid a smile and then replied with a growing chuckle. “Heh, typical hare-joke, that… I can imagine you can eat for Mossflower when you want to?”

Danbuster, in a reply shrugged modestly, “Well, put carrot cheesecake in front of me and I’ll plough my way through it like…” his banter was interrupted as Alex started nudging him, eager to speak. “Errr, sorry! I’m getting ahead of myself. This is my friend, Alex. Alex the… Raccoon.”

“Delighted to meet you,” smiled the Champion of Redwall, “I am Matthias the Warrior of Redwall.”

Alex grinned as he shook paws with Matthias. “What a very cool name, Matthias! It’s almost… poetic in a way.”

“Thank you,” replied Matthias, “Although Danbuster is pretty unusual too, as names go… come to think of it, we haven’t seen an Alex in these parts either…”

He continued to examine the stripy-tailed stranger.

“Hello, what’s up?” asked the raccoon, a toothy smile growing on his face.

Matthias looked up, puzzled by the turn of phrase. “Huh? Clouds, the sky, that’s what’s up.”
Danbuster giggled. “Hehe… that’s not what he meant…”

“Then why did your funny friend ask me what was up there?”

Alex interjected before Danbuster could confuse the warrior mouse any further, “Ah, that’s how I say: ‘Hello’ and ‘How are things?’ where I live.”

Matthias looked thoughtful, still trying to make out what kind of beast is Alex, a hint of caution developing. “You must come from somewhere REALLY far away.”

Danbuster snorted quietly. “Huh, you have no idea, mate…”