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dcschmo — GMT-08:00
Published: 2006-07-09 01:38:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 154; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description You know, sometimes I like to
put on that old pair of sunglasses
we bought in that marketplace, so
long ago, long away... do you
recall the place? The little chain
store nestled in between the local
vendors, selling items delicious and
full of small-town soul... and I stopped in
the sunglass shop, because it reminded
me of home, here on the Pacific coastline.

When the sun has set just past
the gently bending horizon, when it
unleashes the last traces of crimson
to flutter in the crisp, warm, illuminated air,
I gaze out past these familiar shores,
shrouded in artificial dusk.

I can almost watch the same black waves
that crash against the ever-smoothing stones
decorating your window view.
I can almost see that same
shivering moon, disc chilled from
the playing of vagrant breezes across
its lonely face, hanging tremulously
over your passive waters, reflecting
periodically landward with bursts of glitter.

If I could measure distance with time,
I could trick the moonlight to carry me
into your arms in three transposed hours.
I would taste the sweet lake mist.
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Comments: 8

Silvarith [2006-07-24 11:24:17 +0000 UTC]

i hate it when you leave me with the illusion that something will follow your last verse of your final piece -_-
that, however, does not make me like it less, on the contrary, my dear Watson, it is gorgeous !

it

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dcschmo In reply to Silvarith [2006-07-24 20:32:52 +0000 UTC]

Funny you should say this, actually- the original version of the piece (this is something like revision 4) had an extra line at the end, which tied everything up so nicely that I decided it was decidedly unnecessary and lopped it off. I think the lingering tension works much better

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Silvarith In reply to dcschmo [2006-07-25 08:25:52 +0000 UTC]

yes well.....what was the last line

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dcschmo In reply to Silvarith [2006-07-26 05:30:49 +0000 UTC]

Know what? I don't even remember what it was anymore! Not the answer you're looking for, I'm sure But it's the truth!

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Silvarith In reply to dcschmo [2006-07-26 07:11:37 +0000 UTC]

...ok, oh forgetful one...i shall pretend it is a mystery which won't b revealed...goes better than " i forgot what it was"

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levdir [2006-07-09 04:44:05 +0000 UTC]

The ever-broadening perspective moves the narrative ahead rather elegantly.

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dcschmo In reply to levdir [2006-07-09 05:23:36 +0000 UTC]

Thanks- that was the result of three revisions, which were really more like three exercises in adding growth of detail. Interestingly, from my perspective, I believe that the narrative's movement necessitated an elegantly broadening perspective.

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levdir In reply to dcschmo [2006-07-09 06:17:44 +0000 UTC]

Synergy.

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