HOME | DD

Description
  At the young age of twelve, I was too naïve to realise that my brother was slowly slipping away from me. Don't get me wrong, I was intellegent enough; I just lived in a dream world, the perfect world that me and David had created to escape from reality.
  He was fourteen, but he didn't seem to be like a normal teenager. He was just so far above them, not obsessed with girls and alcohol: if he was obsessed with anything, it was my happiness. Whenever I was even a little bit sad, he would come running to my side to comfort me, to whisper into my hair and make me smile again. Late at night, when neither of us could sleep, I would sneak into his room and under the covers of his bed, and we would exchange stories of unfamiliar lands and enchanted kingdoms until daylight. He was always so positive.
  It was his general good mood that gave me that illusion that everything was okay, or that it would be. He created this image of well-being, and that everything was fine, even if it wasn't. He could have fooled anybody. He certainly fooled me.
  "Brother, your hair looks different today. It looks thicker. And shiny."
  Tenderly, I stroked it, watching my brother's weak smile.
  "It's not as nice as yours," he said, running his fingers through my ebony locks.
  His soft touch sent shivers through my body, and my face heated. Was this normal? I knew that none of my friends were this close with their siblings, but surely they didn't ever grin with excitement whenever they were touched, purposefully or accidentally.
  "Seb. There's something I need to tell you. I really... really need to. I should have done it a long time ago, but... I couldn't."
  For the first time in a loing time, I saw a glimmer of sadness across David's gentle features. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't quite understand, but I realised that it had been there for at least a few months.
  "Please come closer... I... I want to hold on to you as I say this..."
  Obligingly, I shuffled closer to him and pulled his body to mine. It had only been recently that I had become brave enough to hug my brother or be close to him without him making the first move. I knew that he was grateful for this, as he would smile when I showed him affection. A ghost of a pleased laugh escaped his lips, but then the atmosphere darkened again.
  "Seb... I..."
  'I love you'? 'I need you to get off me because I'm getting a boner'? Oh my God, when did I become such a pervert? But I was so desperate to know what he was going to say.
  "I'm dying."
  My heart dropped, and I swear I stopped breathing. If I hadn't been entirely certain that my brother was telling the truth, I might have laughed, and elbowed him for saying something like that. But I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was absolutely serious.
  "B-but we're all slowly dying," I said, voice already shaking.
  "That's true. But... I'm dying faster than you are. Seb... I have less than a year. I... It's terminal. I didn't want to know the name of the disease that's killing me, so I didn't ask. But, before I go, I just... I want to spend all of my time with you. I want us to be happy for as long as we can be. So please try not to cry."
  I choked back a sob that was threatening to escape me. I wanted to be strong. David was being strong, so I could be, too.
  "David... I'm going to be brave, okay? Just like you're being. There's something I've been wanting to do for a while. I... I don't know what this is going to do, but... it feels like I need to do it."
  I pulled back from him slightly, gazing into his sorrowful eyes. A tiny smile played at his lips. That settled it. I was going to do it.
  Tentatively, I leaned forwards and bumped our lips together, heart hammering inside my chest with an impossible mixture of lust, sorrow, rage, gentleness and wrongness. Something so bad shouldn't happen to a person as good as my brother, and I just wanted to give him something. His eyes were closed as I pulled away.
  "Thank you," he breathed, pulling my face back towards his for another kiss. I can hardly describe how it felt. I knew that it was wrong, but it felt so perfect, as if it was meant to be like this. He pulled back slowly.
  "I love you so much," he said. "I really do. And I want you to be so happy in life. That's why I want you to find someone who you love with all of your heart after I've died. Find somebody who makes you feel the way you make me feel."
  "Th-there can't be anyone," I said. "I... I love you."
  "If you love me, you'll stay here after I've gone. You'll stay alive and be happy, and you won't do something stupid. You'll find somebody amazing. But we have to make the most of the time we have left. Okay?"
  I nodded, fighting back tears. This next year or so had to be the best we'd ever had. For David's sake and my own. For our family. We kissed again, savouring its sweetness, memorising the feel of our lips against each other's. That had to be the most defining moment of my life.
  My brother died three months later. Part of me died as well.