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So, there we were. Antartica. Sorta cold place, I dealt with it by wearing those really spiffy boxers I got from gramma on that one really really good christmas that one time, everyone came and gramma got drunk and there wasn't any food left in the fridge so i ate the rats upstairs and got sick and got sent to the hospital where there wasn't any such thing as grammar and everyone died. (I ate.. at least five. Hard to get down when they're alive, but wait too long after they're dead and.. well, they're too bloated to eat.)

Er, anyway. Antarctica. Well, we were cruising around, I was in those really nice boxers, they're woolen. A little itchy, but warm. So then, our ship got spit out of the whale's mouth. ... oh, i skipped the bit about the whale. We were all sorta kinda not paying attention, and there wasn't a guard at his post, so we ran into the continent. A bunch of penguins got pissed at us, man, they were pissed. like, really. The only thing we could do was huddle together.

We had some chicken casserole, so we banded together around it for protection and food, keeping each other entertained with shadow puppets until the flashlight batteries ran out, then we started playing duck-duck-goose in the dark.

...Antarctica.

It was interesting, because we were playing in the kitchen, and the cooks have this bad habit of leaving knives laying around.. Ted never quite walked the same, and Franklin just plain thocked himself in the head with a meat cleaver.

Well, it was all fun and games for a while until the penguins got in. Apparently, this particular herd had found a giant penguin robot of some kind, it poked a hole in our port side and the penguins just didn't stop coming in. We threw the deckhands at them, to buy us time, but they were just too skinny, so we threw- no, more like rolled the large guy that really never did anything anyway- at them. That bought us at least five minutes, he blocked the hallway completely. We ran through the ships corridors like blinded ball-less bulls, bumping back bones before billy bemused balefully that our use of alliteration wasn't good for ****, we were screwed anyway.

So, the penguins left for a while, not able to get through the large guy in the hallway. Then they remembered they had a giant penguin robot, and picked us up and punted the ship out to sea, where we got eaten by a whale. This whale was sort of small, i don't know how it ate us whole, but i guess it managed allright.

Anyway, it swam up a north-bound current, we ended up getting spat out somewhere around Southern Africa.

Well, the huge hole in the side of the boat did nothing for buoyancy, we had to abandon ship. The captain was old and didn't have any legs and only one arm, he wouldn't have made it if not for his trusty trained seal. The seal died, by the way. It's hot in africa. We realized this, and I immediately had to relieve myself of wearing those warm itchy woolen underpants. And most of my other clothes. I kept the underwear on my head as an improvised hat, it kept the sun out of my eyes. Smelled a bit like crotch and old people, I got used to the odor. Out in the desert, you have to be highly adaptive. I used my previous rat-eating experience to guide me and my band of people towards food.

There were actually only.. maybe two and a half people in my group. All the rest were pansies, and wanted to wait for "rescue" or something like that. Psh. I had the captain of the ship strapped to my back, and one of the living deck hands walked along with us. The old man was really sort of a drag, and the young'n wasn't much use either.

I ran away with all our food the third night we were traveling.

But, little did i know, we were being watched. As I walked the long nights of the desert wilderness, I thought about a lot of things.

Mostly related to my beautiful wife back at home, she's quite nice, I met her on the internet. We've been chatting on and off for about ten years, she sends me pictures every couple days so i remember what she looks like. She said she has a "no real life" policy, she thinks that it promotes a more honest, open relationship, without anything getting in the way.

I've forgotten her name at the moment, i'll ask her soon.

Description
So, there we were. Antartica. Sorta cold place, I dealt with it by wearing those really spiffy boxers I got from gramma on that one really really good christmas that one time, everyone came and gramma got drunk and there wasn't any food left in the fridge so i ate the rats upstairs and got sick and got sent to the hospital where there wasn't any such thing as grammar and everyone died. (I ate.. at least five. Hard to get down when they're alive, but wait too long after they're dead and.. well, they're too bloated to eat.)

Er, anyway. Antarctica. Well, we were cruising around, I was in those really nice boxers, they're woolen. A little itchy, but warm. So then, our ship got spit out of the whale's mouth. ... oh, i skipped the bit about the whale. We were all sorta kinda not paying attention, and there wasn't a guard at his post, so we ran into the continent. A bunch of penguins got pissed at us, man, they were pissed. like, really. The only thing we could do was huddle together.

We had some chicken casserole, so we banded together around it for protection and food, keeping each other entertained with shadow puppets until the flashlight batteries ran out, then we started playing duck-duck-goose in the dark.

...Antarctica.

It was interesting, because we were playing in the kitchen, and the cooks have this bad habit of leaving knives laying around.. Ted never quite walked the same, and Franklin just plain thocked himself in the head with a meat cleaver.

Well, it was all fun and games for a while until the penguins got in. Apparently, this particular herd had found a giant penguin robot of some kind, it poked a hole in our port side and the penguins just didn't stop coming in. We threw the deckhands at them, to buy us time, but they were just too skinny, so we threw- no, more like rolled the large guy that really never did anything anyway- at them. That bought us at least five minutes, he blocked the hallway completely. We ran through the ships corridors like blinded ball-less bulls, bumping back bones before billy bemused balefully that our use of alliteration wasn't good for ****, we were screwed anyway.

So, the penguins left for a while, not able to get through the large guy in the hallway. Then they remembered they had a giant penguin robot, and picked us up and punted the ship out to sea, where we got eaten by a whale. This whale was sort of small, i don't know how it ate us whole, but i guess it managed allright.

Anyway, it swam up a north-bound current, we ended up getting spat out somewhere around Southern Africa.

Well, the huge hole in the side of the boat did nothing for buoyancy, we had to abandon ship. The captain was old and didn't have any legs and only one arm, he wouldn't have made it if not for his trusty trained seal. The seal died, by the way. It's hot in africa. We realized this, and I immediately had to relieve myself of wearing those warm itchy woolen underpants. And most of my other clothes. I kept the underwear on my head as an improvised hat, it kept the sun out of my eyes. Smelled a bit like crotch and old people, I got used to the odor. Out in the desert, you have to be highly adaptive. I used my previous rat-eating experience to guide me and my band of people towards food.

There were actually only.. maybe two and a half people in my group. All the rest were pansies, and wanted to wait for "rescue" or something like that. Psh. I had the captain of the ship strapped to my back, and one of the living deck hands walked along with us. The old man was really sort of a drag, and the young'n wasn't much use either.

I ran away with all our food the third night we were traveling.

But, little did i know, we were being watched. As I walked the long nights of the desert wilderness, I thought about a lot of things.

Mostly related to my beautiful wife back at home, she's quite nice, I met her on the internet. We've been chatting on and off for about ten years, she sends me pictures every couple days so i remember what she looks like. She said she has a "no real life" policy, she thinks that it promotes a more honest, open relationship, without anything getting in the way.

I've forgotten her name at the moment, i'll ask her soon.