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Deep-static — In Complete Complement
Published: 2005-11-30 09:15:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 142; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description
weak madlanguid sordid
smooth road
simply worded
honey milk
wind ache
frantic still
blood shake
white knife
sleep sweat
sing like
silent death
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Comments: 3
I think the rhythm works quite well here! I like the almost staccato effect you get when reading it.
I guess the only crit I can think of is that "sordid" and "worded" don't really rhyme. But I really admire that you tried to rhyme such a difficult word as sordid! I feel completely incompetent when trying to comment on poetry (which is why I try to avoid them like the plague! 
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Not at all, thanks for reading it, I avoid it cos I can find it boring. I know that they don' t exactly rhyme but the're close. The line "simply worded" is perhaps my fav
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You're right, they're very close. It was an admirable poem and I liked the rhythm.
Mmmm rhythm.
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