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Published: 2005-11-30 09:20:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 134; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
wet like skin mist.wax most days.
keep the ugly at bay.
urge your petals forth and
watch their scream symphony
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Comments: 8
bananaprincess [2005-12-01 09:43:42 +0000 UTC]
I agree with what the two first posters said. I like this poem; it really struck home with me. It even makes me mad (though not at you ). I wasn't sure about the "skin mist" either, but the rest of the language I loved.
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Deep-static In reply to bananaprincess [2005-12-01 11:54:54 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, will go over that line
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bluwyndfaerie [2005-12-01 04:49:30 +0000 UTC]
This has all these feminist connotations to me. The petals seem labial, and the waxing seems to reference leg-waxing or bikini-waxing. I like it immensely. The shortness of it is blunt to me. It also suggests that society has this brief, harsh demands of women, without explanation.
I don't know how I feel about the phrase "skin mist." It sounds poetic, but it is too abstract to visualize what you are referencing and detracts from the poem, especially in a poem with so few words.
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Deep-static In reply to bluwyndfaerie [2005-12-01 11:54:20 +0000 UTC]
I'm very flattered by your in depth analysis, to be honest I only wrote this poem and left it I never really proofed it at all, and now that you mention it, I agree, the poem and it's meaning only really start at the second line. I think I'll go over this and maybe change the first line. Thanks for commenting
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bluwyndfaerie In reply to Deep-static [2005-12-01 15:00:31 +0000 UTC]
I am realizing, as time goes on, that a good, productive poem analysis is always for the better. I am glad you found some of what I said useful.
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Deep-static In reply to bluwyndfaerie [2005-12-01 21:31:58 +0000 UTC]
Sure did, thanks for the time
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Garnet-43 [2005-11-30 11:40:00 +0000 UTC]
Cynical. I like cynical. And short. I like short, too. Good poem.
-Garnet, Critic at Large
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