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Published: 2009-02-19 11:49:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 126; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
Life, it’s never kind to those who deserve its smile most. Some people believe in karma, that the nicer you are, the better your luck. But the greater powers up there, they aren’t so righteous. Wrong and right aren’t that simple. Not just black and white, but an infinite palate of grey. The good are just as likely to be rewarded as the bad. Face it Life, it’s a bitch. The female insults probably as inappropriate as the term ‘Mother Nature’. I don’t know if it’s female, I don’t really care, but for the sake of an argument. Life is a she. There’s probably a female higher power, really I should know, but I wasn’t up ‘there’ long enough. It’s a long standing cliché, accept it.The world will go on, the ‘Gods’, they’ll sit back and watch as humans chew up the world, digest it, use the good bits and spit out the charred life-less remains. But if they won’t do anything about the human plague…I will. Call it ‘extermination’.
Fate abandoned me, spat me out, rejected. Weak and alone in an alien world. But this world took me in, an orphan from the darkness and it nurtured me. A soldier for the forsaken, forgotten but never forgetting.
Although before you call me heartless, I haven’t got a problem with all humans. Not every one of them, just a few, the leaders, the oil barons, the ones who have the power, but never use it for good. I can’t help that greed is rife, that immorality rules. I don’t choose my victims, their actions do.
And regardless…a guy’s got to eat.
Cravings fulfilled, appetite sated and stomach full, I lie on my back looking up into the sky, pondering these thoughts. Dew soaks my clothes and grass tickles my bare arms, but I do not mind, these reminders of nature comfort me in world where I am alone, ‘fallen’. One whose voice clashed with that of the ‘higher powers’, banished from the land of his birth, trapped in a mortal shell.
I lift my hand in front of my eyes, first the palm, then turning it over. This mortal body, it never fails to amaze me, so weak at first, like a glass prison. But with time flesh and bone blend with the magic and ether of my soul. Old power blossoming in my new body offers a tantalising reminder of unity to come and on its tongue the sweet taste of revenge.
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Comments: 9
paintedsmile97 [2009-02-22 19:09:57 +0000 UTC]
Joe, I am your spellcheck/grammar queen here to rescue you from the deadly sins and make you repent to punctuation, etc...
'Life, it’s never kind to those who deserve its smile most, some people believe in karma, that the nicer you are the better your luck.' Shouldn't this be...'Life, it's never kind to those who deserve it's smile most. Some people believe in karma, that the nicer you are, the better your luck.'. That makes it easier to read, and has more impact. 'Face it Life, it’s a bitch' should be 'Face it, Life, it's a bitch'. More grammar, check 'female insults'. It should have an apostrophe. 'Chose' needs to be 'choose'.
Grammar and punctuation time over, may I congratulate you on your work? This is frankly brilliant stuff.
Using lines like 'Dew soaks my clothes and grass tickles my bare arms' will really draw in the reader. Descriptions of senses appeal to their own, and it will almost make them feel as your character does.
I also like the political messages half-hidden and concealed in this piece of prose. 'The world will go on, the ‘Gods’, they’ll sit back and watch as humans chew up the world, digest it, use the good bits and spit out the charred life-less remains.' and 'the leaders, the oil barons, the ones who have the power, but never use it for good. I can’t help that greed is rife, that immorality rules.' Is this a reflection of your own views, maybe?
Keep writing, don't give up.
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Defaultshadow-JF In reply to paintedsmile97 [2009-02-22 19:14:43 +0000 UTC]
Thankyou *that smile seriously isn't big enough*
and i'll will continue in the future
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paintedsmile97 [2009-02-19 17:55:57 +0000 UTC]
*coughs* para 1, 'except' should be 'accept'. And later on, 'cloths' should be 'clothes'.
Sorry to be pedantic I think this is great, can you write more please?
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Defaultshadow-JF In reply to paintedsmile97 [2009-02-20 10:02:10 +0000 UTC]
Maybe
part three is in 'the pipeline'
i'll try to make each part about a page
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paintedsmile97 In reply to Defaultshadow-JF [2009-02-20 12:15:57 +0000 UTC]
Ooo-er, JF, someone is getting in demand! How long 'til this is published in Waterstone's? Lol
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Defaultshadow-JF In reply to paintedsmile97 [2009-02-20 14:12:39 +0000 UTC]
haha, its only got 4 views
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Defaultshadow-JF In reply to paintedsmile97 [2009-02-19 15:47:02 +0000 UTC]
Yay!
so you recon i should continue?
(btw i'm putting a link to your page in my journal- what friends are for a stuff )
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paintedsmile97 In reply to Defaultshadow-JF [2009-02-19 15:56:19 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, stick with it I'll return the favour.
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