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DeriveAnemone — Little Snowdrop
Published: 2014-01-11 11:17:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 224; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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I was with you all through the winter

but like a snowflake, I melt with your every smile.

Cloaked in white, a muse bruised with frostbite,

my petals thaw in the frost's afterglow.

Yes, I was with you despite the blizzard, but then,

I found that we fair maidens only breathe in the snow.



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Comments: 7

TraumaLizard137 [2015-08-13 00:41:57 +0000 UTC]

1. How do you interpret this? Moreover, does the imagery actually make sense?

I definitely think it makes sense! The whole poem could fit as a metaphor for two socially-anxious people bonding over their shared experiences. The way I see it, there's an "alone together" theme and a Hedgehog's dilemma mixing with each other in this poem. The snow is the anxiety that the two people want to overcome because they've seen one another as people they'd like to know, but it doesn't go well because they're so afraid of being judged for what they are; hence the last line!

2. Does the rhyme structure (I'm using the term 'structure' pretty loosely here  ) work?

I must admit that I didn't see the rhyme on the first read. But after a second read, it does work.

As a commenter said earlier, the 'Cloaked in white' line almost breaks the rhythm built in the first two lines. Normally when people think poems, they notice there's a rhythm that constantly repeats throughout the poem. That line could throw off people if they think the rhythm would repeat, but I've found that putting emphasis on the word "muse" shortens the rhythm a bit. This poem is free verse, so I think this is a minor problem

3. How do you feel about the title?
It's good! I think the title gives a sense of intrigue since a snowdrop is really like a title in itself once you think about it. The first drop of snow is often the smallest and signals a snowfall, while a title's the first thing you see in any given work.

4. Is there anywhere where I could have worded things a little better?
I think it works the way it is

5. Does the last line have a sense of impact?
Yes. It's hard to explain, but it gives the sense that even if the earlier problems the two people had are solved, they wouldn't want to go through it again even though they both have a mutual understanding of how the other person thinks

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WaKip [2014-04-11 16:35:20 +0000 UTC]

1. How do you interpret this? Moreover, does the imagery actually make sense?
I may be someone who over-thinks, and exasperates everything she reads, but this made perfect sense to me, and hopefully not for those reasons! I could get a simple, but profound feeling from this, and could picture it. Which, naturally, is the point. It took me a second read to get a full interpretation, but I say you were very effective. I always read things twice, anyways.

2. Does the rhyme structure (I'm using the term 'structure' pretty loosely here  ) work?
Wait.
This rhymes?
What?
....
let me re-read it real quick..
..
Ah.
Well, I found "Cloaked in white, a muse bruised with frostbite," to be beautiful, but the last rhyme is barely noticable, as it's much more spaced out. Honestly, your best with just saying you're doing free verse.

3. How do you feel about the title?
Perfection. You pretty much enveloped a lot of your imagery into it, and yet it doesn't give away what this may be about. Interesting, and pretty, but not the type that gives the whole piece away. Perfect.

4. Is there anywhere where I could have worded things a little better?
Honestly, I normally have something to add, but I love this deeply. I'd rather you keep it worded as is. Though the last rhyme is not necessary, and rhyming at all hardly was either. Though I find the one line clever.

5. Does the last line have a sense of impact?

I felt it did. My interpretation of this piece was that the fair maiden wanted to be alone, which maybe the cold represented at the end, the person was with her but in the end she ended up alone and they were left there, watching from afar. The snowflake melting from afar.
So the last line was like, closure.

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DeriveAnemone In reply to WaKip [2014-04-11 16:49:05 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

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WaKip In reply to DeriveAnemone [2014-04-11 16:52:06 +0000 UTC]

No problem! :>

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SparkyDJM1 [2014-01-17 20:45:50 +0000 UTC]

Someone once said, 'Poets don't like to be understood' so don't worry about that


Now then, questions...


How do you interpret this? Does the imagery make sense?

I interpret it as someone who is in love. The narrator was there for the person they loved through a particularly tough time which the narrator found easy to do because they were tough and could handle anything. Despite that, they still melt at the smile their loved one gives them


Does the rhyme structure work?

It does, in a sense. The poem certainly has a  distinct rhythm to it.


How do you feel about the title?

I like it! It reminds me of catching one particular snowflake and looking at it, despite the many others around you


Is there anywhere where I could have worded things a little better?

I don't think so, it's really good as it is. My only suggestion would be line two, 'melt at your' instead of 'with'. Still, it's a pretty minor thing


Does the last line have a sense of impact?

In a way, yes. The last line seems to be the narrator speaking in a confident, forward manner, maybe even with a seductive undertone. 


Really lovely poetry here! I like it


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DeriveAnemone In reply to SparkyDJM1 [2014-01-18 12:31:55 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for your feedback, it was really thought-provoking.  

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SparkyDJM1 In reply to DeriveAnemone [2014-01-18 12:36:57 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome I thought it was only right to answer your questions (even if the answers were pretty much half formed lol). I'm glad you found my answers thought-provoking, just as I found your poem was

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