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Description
I'm very blunt about myself and what's around me.

I'm harsh. I'm not very sociable. I'm often a trolling bitch. I don't look pretty. I don't speak nicely.

Sometimes I'm soft and sentimental. Sometimes I look at the people that make up my limited and infinite little big world and tell them nice things. Sometimes I lie to them to make them feel better. Sometimes I hold my silence for them when I don't bother for anyone else. Sometimes I even hug them instead of punch them.

I don't cry. I have cried, but I don't cry. I have cried. Last time was in the fifties. Pops died and I found out. No, he wasn't my real father. I don't know why I didn't cry after that?

Image? To be 'strong'?

It's all relative. Strong people cry. Weak people cry.

People often mistake emotions for weakness. Others mistake logic for weakness. But it's not about one or the other. They are both weak.

They are both strong. In unison, they change the world.

Getting a little off track. Been doing that a lot lately. Being ghostly starts to make the mind fade. Not the memories so much. Mostly the mind. Focus is difficult.

Anyways.

I do what I want when I want. And I have to do what I want when I want. I go slowly out of my mind if I can't. I'm a ghost right now and it's fair well driving me up a tree to not be able to do anything at all.

I do things.

I do things.

Do.

A lot of people don't do. I don't blame them. Doing is hard. Particularly when you don't have a reason to do.

I had one for awhile. Things always change. Always change. Always. Nothing stays the same and nothing changes. Two phrases that shouldn't link up so well, but do. A paradox. We live in a paradox. In the nittygritty of it.

I don't have so many reasons anymore. People are grown up or more than able to take care of themselves. Stability in changes. Which is fine and dandy. There were days before my time was done in which I dreamed of the days I was no longer needed.

I am no longer needed. And I find this acceptable.

But, while alive, there was one thing I did not expect. Or did know.

The purpose provides me with everything I need.

It provides me with a why. It provides me with a who. It provides me strength. It provides me fortitude. It provides me direction.

Most importantly, it provides me with how.

How should I or shouldn't I do?

A morale compass.

Without the why that gives me a how in which to do, I have no…

No right and wrong. I don't have any right or wrong.

I have nothing.

I have only do.

Do does not know what is good and what is bad. What is right and what is wrong. So I fail to know these things too. For I am do.

It took me years to lose track of how. I did lose track of how.

I still don't have how in my grasp.

I am restless. I am nothing. I am empty.

Do. Do. Do.

How? How? How?

Why? Why? Why?

I don't know.

Must. Do.