ThousandCookie In reply to newnotebook [2013-04-29 23:06:08 +0000 UTC]

"It's always entertaining to read age-gap comments that aren't on age-gap forums."

How so? And age-gap forums are new to me; then again, I've never even considered that there might be one knocking around somewhere. You never look, you never know.


ST: Agreed with this lady. Legal and healthy. This is very general advice given how vague the secret is, but if you're underage or still haven't lived independently of your family yet, there's probably a reason people are baulking at the idea of you being with someone older.

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newnotebook In reply to ThousandCookie [2013-04-30 20:55:36 +0000 UTC]

People are much more judgmental outside the forums, because most people posting aren't in AGRs.
I've been in a 17-year gap relationship for over five years. We're so... well, normal.

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zmote In reply to Minimjush [2013-04-29 10:05:39 +0000 UTC]

Ain't that illegal?

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Minimjush In reply to zmote [2013-04-30 08:04:51 +0000 UTC]

As long as we do not have sex it's ok i think :3

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zmote In reply to Minimjush [2013-04-30 08:18:49 +0000 UTC]

I guess you could consider that OK in the western culture.

Although reality works very different, once those emotions flow you'll loose all control over yourself, especially in the puberty phase were those hormons burst out like some run over fire hydrant, but that discussion would be out of scope here. It's far more beneficial if you build up solid friendships and aim for high education rather than waste your time with something that will only hurt you(statistically speaking, relationships below 17-18 don't endure really).

Life has so much more meaning to it if we strive for the happiness of all rather than to focus only on the happiness of ourselves. In this respect "love" is something very selfish. But I guess that is something everyone has to decide for themselves.

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Minimjush In reply to zmote [2013-05-01 11:53:49 +0000 UTC]

Yeah i guess i see your point there buddy. But that doesnt mean that im gonna stop wasting my time with him. :3

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to zmote [2013-04-29 10:37:15 +0000 UTC]

at 14. YES 14 is to young to know LOVE, to naive. but 6 years is not to many, I'm 19(almost 20) and my girlfriend is 7 years older than me, 14 tho is FAR too young.

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Minimjush In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-04-30 09:20:53 +0000 UTC]

I'm not too young to know love! I am too young to know sex maybe, but there's a difference between love and lust. And i LOVE him, with all of my mind, heart and soul. You don't know anything about me and you can't say if i am too young to love someone. That, i dare say, is kiiinda individual.

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to Minimjush [2013-05-01 16:04:34 +0000 UTC]

Why i see your point, and i already knew, Love, and Lust. are not the same things, You are the one who just immaturely typed the word 'love' in all Capitals, as if to try and make it sound more defined, when you could have simply used Bold print, that looks nicer, or even only Capitalized the First letter. to make it stand out. No i don't know you, but your wrong, you are the one that has no right, Telling someone they can not say or think something is close minded and arrogant. and i dare say you just used 'kinda' instead of 'kind of' and added two extra 'i's. If i were to judge off your comment alone, i would say your Arrogant, Young, and too immature to know anything about love, or any other mature matters.

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Minimjush In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-05-02 09:19:27 +0000 UTC]

ok i actually started laughing here :3

but ok, let me crrect myself: you can say or think whatever you want, but that doesn't mean that youre right when you say it. <3
i used caps in LOVE simply because i have no idea how to make that bold print or whatever, and i often use "kinda" and "cuz" and "'kay" and "gonna" and "tho", i dunno why really, and the iii thing, well it's just something i do sometimes :3 it's like a bad habit or whatever.

(also: you wrote "your" instead of "you're" and you don't seem to know the difference between "." and "," <3<3<3 )

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to Minimjush [2013-05-05 03:48:01 +0000 UTC]

sure, enjoy your mockery.

well you're the one making the mistakes, and you will be mocked by people who are smarter, and who know better. one day when you realize how incredibly offal your Typing is, i hope your have not done too much damage to your brain, -as you are every time you type such a way- and can stop your habits, or correct them; Habits are bad for your brain anyway.

(first, "Your" was the spell check on my phone. second, yes my punctuation is not perfect, but yours is shameful. so may she who lives in a glass house not throw stones.)

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Minimjush In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-05-05 16:02:47 +0000 UTC]

i like how this conversation started with us arguing about underage relationships, but now is about typing habits. :333

anyway, i don't like fighting. so i'll admit that you're right on some points (but i still consider myself right on most of theem), and i'm sorry for being not so nice to you. Pardon.

Also, i was going to end this reply with a "have a good day, miss..." so i checked yer profile page to see what your name is, and i read you deviant ID, and you seem to be kinda cool. (honestly, i am not saying this just to please you)So i really hope you accept my apology. :3 (seriously, you make top hats? that's more or less my dream. i want to be the mad hatter so bad.)

Have a good day, miss Payne. (or Viper, if you prefer that)

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to Minimjush [2013-05-20 10:36:30 +0000 UTC]

Well overall I think the only thing I would like to ask you than if you want a good note- Is please, Please be careful dear? I'm not trying to argue, I just want you to be safe, and perhaps if nothing else, get a parent to sign off on your boyfriend? -shoot I would do that if you were 20, (as i would if my mom liked me...) just consider it please?
and thank you for the compliment, Its appreciated. and honestly i don't care thank you for being polite though.

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Minimjush In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-05-24 07:43:37 +0000 UTC]

Aww, thank you for caring :'3
I am very careful. I've known him for about two years and there is no one i trust more than i trust him. :3
And my parents are okay with him since he is by brother's friend to start with.
Thanks. <3

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zmote In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-04-29 10:49:52 +0000 UTC]

That's what I kinda meant. I mean from 18 up you're "grown up", well at least have a sense of serious responsiblites, you could "handle" such a relation, but with 14... and it is as far as I know illegal, I mean by law.

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to zmote [2013-04-29 11:09:57 +0000 UTC]

well in Japan its legal... along with a few other countries, and some places in the world 15 is legal, but there has to be parental approval, in the USA this guy could be an A class number one winner and go to prison for dating a 16 year old. so as all laws it is flawed but its for there own good.

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zmote In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-04-29 11:18:29 +0000 UTC]

Yeah here in Switzerland it's similar, if you are underage, you can have a maximal age difference of three years.

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to zmote [2013-04-29 12:08:27 +0000 UTC]

I have learned something new today. You know something? in Mexico the age of consent for sex is 12, and Japan's is 13. In Canada the Consent age is 16, but person(s) age 14, and 15 can consent to sex with someone up to 5 years of age under. but the Legal age in The republic of Ireland is 17. and only teens of 15 can decide if they want to have sex with women one 3 or less years older than they are. Ireland is the only government to use Child, and adult psychology, and testing to make there laws, and the only exceptions are -Emancipation, and Parental consent for the age of 14. and no mater what arguments have ever been made they Solidly inforce them, and People who break Said law serv Time in Prison, and are ban from living near schools, or participating in any community center, or volunteer center that children will regularly be at. and the Government there actually dose there job and keeps track of them. Unlike in the USA where 'IT is against their Rights to track them'... Wow, i think i just made my self hate the USA a little more...

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zmote In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-04-29 13:36:52 +0000 UTC]

That age will drop even further as long as we try to treat the symptom rather than the cause.

It's a complicated matter indeed, I guess in the USA it comes down to "How much freedom am I ready to sacrifice to feel secure?", because it may seem reasonable to track down said persons, but that "excuse" could be misused by the governement to track people of different profiles, too. And I think at that point it gets really dangerous for the people as the governement steers more towards dicatorship with the excuse to "establish security".

I think you have a good comparison with your health for this situation. You can treat an illness with medicaments, and as the number of illnesses increases, you will automatically have an increased number of medicines, too. But if you'd take care of your body and live healthy to begin with, you wouldn't need those medicaments in the first place.

It's like that with the law. The laws increase with the increasing amount and variety of crimes, but if a society would behave properly in the first place, those many laws wouldn't be needed to begin with, too. With all the pornography and sexual content that is all over the place, be it for advertising, in movies, through fashion or on websites, it's not surprising that the age of the people who have sexual intercourse is dropping continously, and with it the amount of sexual crimes comitted.

Some of these states may have found a temporary solution to this problem, but on the long run, they will crumble, too.

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A-Broken-Flower In reply to zmote [2013-04-29 14:16:32 +0000 UTC]

agreed.

The sad thing is the United states Dose scare me in that way, We have acted out many of the steps that where taken by the Russians. so i see your point.

True but as the Argument with heath, Genetics, they try to argue with Criminals. I have seen men stab people and get off on Genetic defect. So i would say thats a sound argument.

yes but what is the price of making people act right? Conformity, The eradication of all forms of non 'Norm' Such as my own, Art, or others Places. instead of "making people act right" we should teach "All people are people" like when you smack a small child's hand, Pain, All things feel pain... you could hurt some one by doing wrong. you could hurt another Human.

And personally I hate to say it like this, but most Christian base religions-not all- hurt them self's and there children buy not teaching them about sex, and its dangers... I know this might make me sound like a total Liberal, but a lot of sex crimes would not happen if people where taught about it better

they will crumble, because no one learns from history any more -especially not in America, where it's no longer a required course in school- so we repeat it; "Bandaid, Good enough, Crumble"

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zmote In reply to A-Broken-Flower [2013-04-29 15:05:28 +0000 UTC]

Sexual education ought to be taught, because of sexual needs of human beings, thus the age at which it is taught corresponds to the age at which human beings genrally do have sexual intercourse.

The issue with teaching this stuff is that you become fully aware of it. Yes, you're being taught about it's dangers and how to protect yourself against them, but your attention suddenly turns towards it, too. It's treating the symptom rather than cure the cause. Why is there a need for a 14 - 15 year old to be taught about sex? And why is this age dropping cotinously at which a human being needs to be taught about it? A human being should have other more important worries at these ages to prepare them for adult life, like education, learning to take responsibilites etc. and it's not like there are no alternatives to have "fun" otherwise.

Your argument that Christians hurt themselves by not teaching about sex suggest that Christians need to conform to a social lifestyle that isn't compatible with their beliefs. Furthermore it doesn't really solve the "problem" of sexual crimes and sexual intercourse at a too young age. You advance from a point of view, saying: If there is sexuality in the media and in our surroundings, constantly in our environements, then we should teach about sexuality as soon as a human beings become aware of themselves and its surroundings, which is generally at the age of 12-15. But this is only trying to cure the symptom that those sexual elements in the media cause.

If you follow the statistics at what age people were having sexual intercourse for the first time from 1900 - now, you will see that this age dropped in parallel the more sexual content was available through the media over said time.

You have obviously two choices how to deal with this issue. What the world in general does today is, as media is all-present, they try to teach about sexuality as soon as possible. With kids today who have access to the internet as young as at the age of 8, there is a need to lower the current age to be taught about sexuality, because with one simple click you can land on a pornography site very easily. But this means also, that very soon 8 - 12 year old kids will want to have sex(not that it hasn't happened, it will be more common over the years), because their attention will be drawn towards a very basic biological urge of human beings. Here in Switzerland they are voting about if they should teach about sexuality at the kindergarden level. So imagine, kids would come into contact with sexuality at the age of 5-6.

But this constant lowering of the age at which one should be taught about sexual intercourse to counter the presence of sexuality in the all-present media, will never solve the problem, because it's trying to win against the symptoms, but the symptoms will never cease as long as the cause remains.

If this continues, what you will have will be human beings that are entirely sexually driven and all their lives will revolve around that piece of meat between their legs; western culture is very much centered around this subject, with its one-night stands, nightlife's etc.

This culture, this type of lifestyle furthers sexual crimes, as the ground work for it is already built. This is the current "Norm" in our western world, it's normal to have had about 20+ sexual partners in one's life(and I'm being optimistically low with that number), it is normal to have a "fling" now and then, to keep your current relationship "interesting", it's normal to have sex at the age of 13 or 14, it's normal to be drunk at the age of 15-16. All in all, our culture moves towards a direction where in the end, we won't have any differences to animals at all.

I think it's wrong to bash the lifestyle of Christian's, I'd try to understand their point of view, even if at times they can be radical, people with an atheistic mind can be as radical, too(just to compare two extremes). We shouldn't forget that Christianity has added a lot of valuable social behaviours and protocols to the western culture.

Humans are very emotional beings. We won't achieve a desired result by education and law-enforcement alone. There needs to be a change in the nations conscience, too.

I'd rather have the cause fixed than fight infinitely against the symptoms. Nowadays we don't encounter each other in a spiritual way, it's the physical encounter that dominates. And it is my opinion that one of the reasons for this is the presence of sexuality in the all-present media.

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berenique In reply to confidenceAlive [2013-04-29 07:48:29 +0000 UTC]

While I actually was going to leave a comment similar to yours, there are parts you mentioned I don't agree with.
Naturally there are 'issues' couples with a significant age differential face that other couples would never even encounter.
However, it is not entirely accurate to say that the older would have to 'drag along' the younger. Rather, in a healthy relationship, there is a flux of experience from either partner to the other, as both have lived different lives so far and can contribute to the relationship from alternative sources. Therefore the experience within the relationship might be more yielding, if more destructive in the aftermath, for both, as an opportunity to comprehend one's own person and the extent of it on a deeper level, facilitated by the 'crasser' interhuman circumstances.
If what you say is the case, that the older is 'keeping back' for the younger, then I would question why they are involved with a person that large their junior in the first place. Leaving age of consent and the ability to grasp the faculties of a mature relationship aside, the younger does have to have a higher than average cognitive set up in order to attract the senior. IMHO an adult displaying attraction to a younger person, who is not yet at least partially mentally developed, behaves tangent to paraphilia.

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confidenceAlive In reply to berenique [2013-04-29 16:42:16 +0000 UTC]

Although honestly I didn't really understand what you said for the way you wrote it, your opinion/argument is fair.
It doesn't change my opinion mostly for not understanding just what exactly you said, but that's hardly anything worth mentioning it's just what I've chosen personally. I'm happily engaged to a beautiful young woman I've known for 6 years who is only a little younger than me (I'm sure if "fate" had brought me someone significantly younger it might have at least waited till we were both much older and matured enough to work with it, but I'm quite happy with my current situation) I encourage people to look for a partner close to their age but I certainly don't expect anyone to live by the standards I have for myself if they disagree. Fair enough?

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berenique In reply to confidenceAlive [2013-04-30 08:39:29 +0000 UTC]

I certainly didn't mean to attack your POV, I simply offered my personal views in contrast to yours. We both obviously made different experiences.
'It takes all kinds to make the world go round', so if you and your fiancée are as happy with each other as any other couple, it's a good day.

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confidenceAlive In reply to berenique [2013-04-30 15:42:14 +0000 UTC]

Right (:

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