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Okay, so here we are... the continuing saga of this homo named Edward, his indecisive whore of a girlfriend Bella, and the ever-shirtless Jacob. So the plot of this one, big shocker, is that the evil vampire Victoria is raising an army of vampires to, I guess, kill Bella. This forces the moody vampires and the Indian, yet Hispanic-looking werewolves to work together to protect her. As if she's THAT important. So some shit happens that I don't care about, and I space out for a little while. Meanwhile, Edward and Jacob are STILL arguing and fighting over her, but they're doing the exact opposite: Jacob is basically throwing himself at her, and she's blowing him off, while she's throwing herself at Edward, and he's blowing HER off. Literally, Edward and Bella are lying on a bed at one point, making out, and she's got this fuckin' look in her eye that screams, "Me horny! Need cock now! Gimme, gimme!" She's trying to rip her clothes off, and he literally says, and I quote, "Stop trying to take your clothes off." He seemed gay before, but demanding that your girlfriend leave her clothes on is one of the gayest things a man can do. But moving on... Once again, Bella's making out with everyone, and being indecisive and shit. Then there's a big "epic" battle between the good vampires, the evil vampires, and the werewolves. I put the word epic in quotations to relay the fucking sarcasm of it. So Jacob gets owned, and half of his body gets crushed, which was kinda funny really. But Edward ends up killing Victoria, which isn't a fucking huge surprise. It was quite obvious what the outcome was going to be. And I could be a douchebag and sit here and type up everything that's gonna happen in the next movie too. You know how that's possible? BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING BOOK. People act like they don't know what the hell's gonna happen in the movies. Bright idea, read the fuckin' book if you must. Books are those things with white paper and typed words inside. Now, I haven't read any of the Twilight books because (a.) I'm a man, and (b.) I think vampires should be the way they were before this bullshit came out. Vampires used to be terrifying monsters. How is it possible to change a bloodsucking, bat-morphing, demonic badass into a fucking emo teenage douchebag? Throw Edward in a pit with Nosferatu and see who the fuck comes walking out. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: leave it to a woman to ruin something cool.

Description
Okay, so here we are... the continuing saga of this homo named Edward, his indecisive whore of a girlfriend Bella, and the ever-shirtless Jacob. So the plot of this one, big shocker, is that the evil vampire Victoria is raising an army of vampires to, I guess, kill Bella. This forces the moody vampires and the Indian, yet Hispanic-looking werewolves to work together to protect her. As if she's THAT important. So some shit happens that I don't care about, and I space out for a little while. Meanwhile, Edward and Jacob are STILL arguing and fighting over her, but they're doing the exact opposite: Jacob is basically throwing himself at her, and she's blowing him off, while she's throwing herself at Edward, and he's blowing HER off. Literally, Edward and Bella are lying on a bed at one point, making out, and she's got this fuckin' look in her eye that screams, "Me horny! Need cock now! Gimme, gimme!" She's trying to rip her clothes off, and he literally says, and I quote, "Stop trying to take your clothes off." He seemed gay before, but demanding that your girlfriend leave her clothes on is one of the gayest things a man can do. But moving on... Once again, Bella's making out with everyone, and being indecisive and shit. Then there's a big "epic" battle between the good vampires, the evil vampires, and the werewolves. I put the word epic in quotations to relay the fucking sarcasm of it. So Jacob gets owned, and half of his body gets crushed, which was kinda funny really. But Edward ends up killing Victoria, which isn't a fucking huge surprise. It was quite obvious what the outcome was going to be. And I could be a douchebag and sit here and type up everything that's gonna happen in the next movie too. You know how that's possible? BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING BOOK. People act like they don't know what the hell's gonna happen in the movies. Bright idea, read the fuckin' book if you must. Books are those things with white paper and typed words inside. Now, I haven't read any of the Twilight books because (a.) I'm a man, and (b.) I think vampires should be the way they were before this bullshit came out. Vampires used to be terrifying monsters. How is it possible to change a bloodsucking, bat-morphing, demonic badass into a fucking emo teenage douchebag? Throw Edward in a pit with Nosferatu and see who the fuck comes walking out. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: leave it to a woman to ruin something cool.