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Published: 2003-01-15 20:41:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 791; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 102
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Description
Joe shivered in the nighttime cold, alone atop the thirty story building, his angel wings fluttering in the same chill breeze that had brought on the shivering. The wings were cheap ones, ones that he had bought from the costume store the night prior. Still, Joe thought, they would help him fly where he wanted to go. The shivering subsided a bit as Joe took another swig from the large bottle of whiskey he'd brought with him. It was Evan Williams whiskey, the cheap stuff, cheap like the wings. As the whiskey burned a hole in the back of his throat, Joe stepped to the railing at the edge of the building, his tattered jeans flapping in the frigid draft.Stupid railing, thought Joe, for stupid people. You'd have to be crazy to be up here in the first place, and moronic to fall off.
"They should take the railing away, and let the idiotic people kill themselves" Joe muttered under his breath.
Not like it would have mattered. Had there been anyone else foolish enough to be up here, his words would have been lost to the incessant wind the now howled across the rooftop, pushing around pieces of paper that had somehow made their way to this desolate island away from humanity.
The neon glow of the sign atop a neighboring building washed Joe with a radiant red light, making him seem otherworldly. The glitter on the angel wings lent to the aura, sparkling and shimmering wickedly in the neon radiance. Joe took another swig from the bottle of Evan Williams to gather his courage, and looked down, purveying the derelict streets far below him.
It was 2:47AM now, Joe noticed, looking at his watch.
No wonder there's no one about, he thought, I've been up here for hours.
It didn't seem like it had been that long of a time. Time flies when you're god. And that's what Joe felt like, so high above the tediously seething masses of humanity that populated the normally teeming streest below.
With one last look down, Joe took a few steps back from the edge. 2:58AM now, almost time. Joe gathered his senses in anticipation, and maybe a little nervousness. His eyes scanned the rooftop, searching. Suddenly, in a flurry of feathers, there it was. The raven soared across the sky, alighting on the railing a scant few feet away from Joe. It glared into Joe's eye, and they connected on a deeper level, one where words were useless. A deluge of voiceless communication passed between these two denizens of the darkness.
Abruptly, in another whirlwind of feathers, the raven was gone, lost against the blackness of the sky. A bit saddened, Joe took one last gulp from the bottle, draining it's contents into the back of his eager throat. Oh well, Joe thought, guess it's over. Tossing the bottle towards a substantial pole of similar bottles a little bit away, Joe walked towards the door that woud take him back to the seething masses. He was satisfied for one more night
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Comments: 25
viya [2004-06-01 19:21:41 +0000 UTC]
wow...... i feel like drawing now........... you have inspired me
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showna [2004-02-05 20:42:46 +0000 UTC]
At first I was thinking maybe it had something to do with the movie... 'the crow'... but little did I expect to be left speechless.. I usually have something to say about everything...
this really isn't even fiction, this is life.
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irishfae [2003-12-30 14:27:01 +0000 UTC]
heh, I don't know about anyone else who read this, but i'm really left speechless, for me this isn't another writing it's a reality.
..
After sitting here for three minutes just wondering what to write, I realize I can't , at least right now ( Maybe it's because I just woke up, or because i'm working off of 4 hours of sleep. )
Anyway, I'm going to fav this because I think other should take a good 10 minutes to read and contemplate on this ( maybe longer ) Thank you for sharing and i'm sorry I can't comment better right now
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key256 [2003-11-17 07:25:24 +0000 UTC]
i think this piece has great symbolism and vision. i really like the part about the fake wings, and how he sees himself as a god about to take flight. i really got the impression that he was drunk. i think that you should keep things a little closer to reality though. first, unless he is in a project the odds of someone living in a 30 story building is rather low. i also think you should change the bird, i know that ravens represent death but i think it would probably be more expected that he would encounter maybe a crow, which could also represent death.
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devilmech In reply to key256 [2003-11-17 09:36:50 +0000 UTC]
I appreciate the critique. Those are some great ideas.
I originally designed this story to be a smaller modular part of a book that I've still got layin around half finished. Would I have included more of the overall story, you would have known why he was, in fact, standing on top a 30 story building(which was an office building, btw) and why it was a raven and not a crow.
The book was more of a melding of Japanese feudal period cultural elements combined with a post-modern Gotham City style urban landscape, which is a bit hard to explain without giving you the entire book. The raven itself is an integral part of things, and is a bit symbolic of the nature of the protagonist's agony and torment in the book.
I'll be sure to send you a free copy whenever I do get it finished
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key256 In reply to devilmech [2003-11-17 15:22:10 +0000 UTC]
that sounds like a really interesting book. i really hope you take the time to finish it someday, i would enjoy reading it.
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derivablezero [2003-08-07 10:05:31 +0000 UTC]
Simply, this gets a fave. Why? Because it got me real close to the screen then punched me in the face. (my analogy for great stuff)
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DarkZoneGraphics [2003-05-11 02:05:07 +0000 UTC]
"They should take the railing away, and let the idiotic people kill themselves" Joe muttered under his breath.
...you have no idea how much I loved this line.
I liked how you made me think that the guy was actually gonna jump. I was suprised when he went back inside.
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ladyr [2003-03-01 13:30:04 +0000 UTC]
You definately have a talent with words. I thought for sure he was going to jump. Nice work
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v3fusion [2003-02-18 08:53:53 +0000 UTC]
Strange twist on the story. Great bird picture too!
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artisticsnail [2003-01-22 06:27:37 +0000 UTC]
i love the image you create with this...a man standing alone on top of a high building in the middle of the night, wearing angel wings with a bottle of whiskey in one hand. it's so poetic in a sort of tragic way...i really love it.
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tornglass [2003-01-18 04:45:12 +0000 UTC]
get that man a hobby .. and no I dont consider rooftop drinking and raven watching hobby Vivid little story all in all.
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kelbel77 [2003-01-16 23:42:54 +0000 UTC]
nice switchup at the end .. didnt show up on my devwatch
bad devwatch
hey hon how ya doin?
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derghaust [2003-01-16 18:12:12 +0000 UTC]
I love the image of the top of a skyscraper as "desolate island"... That gives me all types of great mental images. Only problem I have is that I was bothered by your double use of "seething masses"... I think you could find a different way to describe the faceless throng. See? I just did.
I wonder why he wants to jump at exactly 3:00...
Oh well. Great job.
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kingkevin [2003-01-16 12:56:38 +0000 UTC]
Good suspense buildup...This guy must have a really shit life...But he still lives for this one moment...Its awesome!
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phatcat8975 [2003-01-16 02:38:14 +0000 UTC]
At first i thought it was just the bird, but i decided to read it anyway. I liked it alot, and it was like a twisted ending....doesnt make much sense, but the prose did. i liked it
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pixi33 [2003-01-16 00:11:23 +0000 UTC]
That is so wonderful. Life is so short and you are right how fragile it is. Great work
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belinus [2003-01-15 21:13:09 +0000 UTC]
Very nice devil
I thought he was gonna jump for sure too. I always like how you create empathic connections with the reader. As usually you have a good gift of greating visions in my head. Keep it up man.
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ashleyrachel [2003-01-15 21:11:09 +0000 UTC]
i like the fact that you pay attention to the little details that make us all human. the whiskey was cheap- th etime was noticed, the railing exists despite it's uselessness... nice work
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belinus [2003-01-15 21:10:34 +0000 UTC]
Very nice devil
I thought he was gonna jump for sure too. I always like how you create empathic connections with the reader. As usually you have a good gift of greating visions in my head. Keep it up man.
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thedeadpoetic [2003-01-15 20:53:34 +0000 UTC]
I like how you have the thoughts that he is going to jump, and then you tottally revert back to him being prone to another day of life.. that was pretty cool.. good job
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