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Doomsday-Prophyt — Chapter One [draft 1] [NSFW]
Published: 2014-06-22 01:12:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 176; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Ninety years later...

Dark lips smacked as the maw chewed upon the severed, pale-skinned arm. Lieutenant Jessica A. Smythe watched the creature supping itself on the victim, face blank. Bile threatened to well up in her stomach, but she was a professional. She would never allow herself to be sick in front of her subordinates, especially when her radio was keyed to be live at all times during operations like these. The brass would never let her live it down if they heard her retching through the speakers in the air-conditioned offices where they allowed the backsides to grow soft.
She swallowed down another wave of nausea when she heard retching coming through her earpiece. Poor Alric. Jessica had been ordered, pretty much, to drag the scrawny, fresh-faced tech from Germany out with her team tonight for some much-needed field training. Until the point where his own stomach had rebelled, Alric had been doing an admirable, if rookie, job of carrying his own weight and keeping up with the rest of the team. "S-sorry," the boy said, his voice coming across after a few more dry heaves, "I-I couldn't help-"
Jessica shushed him quickly. "Keep off the 'net. Orders and responses only."
"A-aye, mum."
Jessica rolled her eyes. Alric had been living in the States for well on half a decade, but his accent and colloquialisms still had not changed. She may have been his superior officer, but he was only three years younger. She adjusted the focus of her binoculars. The creature had paused in its meal to pick its teeth with a shard of the victim's broken ribs. It was one of the smaller ones, thank the dead, roughly the size and shape of a ten year old child. That, however, was where the similarities between it and humanity ceased. The creature, like all its breed, had reddish-black, hairless skin, no genitals to speak of, misshapen useless wings, giant jet black eyes, a wide mouth full of shark-like teeth, and three-inch talons on all twenty fingers and toes.
"Get ready to move in and dispel it," she said over the net. Her team radioed their acknowledgements. Small as the creature was, it was more than strong enough, when unbound, to overpower four grown men. Her team consisted of six, well-armed men and women, a cleric, a widch, plus herself and, for tonight at least, Alric. Clerics provided protection for her team from the negative energy creatures and helped to dispel them once subdued. The widch was there if the cleric failed, was killed, or something /else/ decided to get involved.
"Move in. Use caution. Dispel with extreme prejudice."
One more unified acknowledgement over the 'net, and Jessica watched as six shadows, followed at a distance by three more, converged on the creature. Flashes of light: spelled-tranquilizer rounds impacting the creature's negatively-charged flesh. A warbling wail of unearthly surprise and rage. Silence. She lowered the binoculars as the cleric, widch, and Alric moved in, preferring not to blind herself with the brilliant flash when the cleric tore open a hole in the spiritual shroud to dispel the creature. A flash of bright light. Darkness. "Sir. Mission accomplished."
"Copy that," she replied. "Get the DedMeds in here to identify the victim and see if they can find out what happened. Call a cleanup crew once they're gone. No remains."
"Yes, sir."
Jessica turned off her radio and rubbed her eyes. This had been a bad night...Only one attack, but it was a bad one. Always was when they got loose. She sighed and gathered up her gear, retreating to the team's vehicles so she could be sick without anyone listening or watching...

Since the repeal of the 18th Amendment, the summoning of creatures from other worlds had changed from an illegal trade only practiced by the rich and corrupt in hidden chambers to a thriving, government-taxed industry accessible to anyone with the paper to pay for a brief fix. It quickly replaced alcohol, tobacco, and other substances as THE "recreational drug" for American society. And, while most summoning chambers were strictly regulated by government offices, there were always bootleggers, peddling less-than-safe tags and materials to the less financially stable of the country. When those summonings went wrong, and they often did, federal teams like Jessica's were called to step in and take care of mess.
The Federal Summoning Commission Response Teams were always well-trained; they had to be. One mistake could strengthen a lesser creature enough for it to evolve into something much, MUCH more powerful if it were to consume enough human flesh or soul. There hadn't been an incident in North Carolina, Jessica's operating theatre, since the 1920's, long before the creation of the F.S.C. Jessica didn't care to reveal it to her colleagues or superiors (though surely some of them knew), but one of her own great grandfathers had been partially responsible for that incident...

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Comments: 3

medievallass [2014-06-22 05:49:47 +0000 UTC]

Nice work! I like the interaction with Jessica and Alric it was very natural. I also really liked the setting it feels very believable and it's easy to get inside of. I was a bit confused on the function of the widch. Is that person like a witch, or another magic user type that we learn about later? I think Alric living in the US for only five years wouldn't be enough time for him to really have much of a change to his accent and word choice. Ten or fifteen years sometimes doesn't change that, on the other hand that really depends on the person, but for him to change his speaking that quickly I feel like there would need to be an outside influence of him to do so. I had a little trouble with the punctuation while reading the piece so I got kicked out of the story a couple of times, but a little editing pass would fix that up no problem. I like the chapter, I hope to see more.

Hayley

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Doomsday-Prophyt In reply to medievallass [2014-06-22 16:10:57 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!
Yes and no: the widch is like a witch but also not like one...I was actually pretty dang tired when I wrote this as part of a 40-minute "Word War" in the WriteRoom chatroom (that's my excuse for errors today lol). I remember I had a fairly good idea as to what a widch is, but right now, I don't recall what that idea was...I'm sure it'll come back to me.
Alric's accent: this is a little tougher to explain. I visited Germany almost 14 years ago. From what I recall, the high schoolers tended to have British accents with a hint of the German when they spoke English, this is why Alric refers to his superior officer as "mum" (sort of slang for "ma'am"). Jessica's sentiment about his accent is something I know well from my lifetime in the South. The story is set in and around Charlotte, North Carolina. In the Southeastern states, there's a common sentiment (usually somewhat racist) that if someone is going to move to the US from another country, they need to learn how to speak "proper English" (or in some cases, "American"). Jessica's thoughts reflect that sentiment only slightly, but it's still there.
I know what you mean by the odd punctuations now that I look back over this piece. Easily remedied.
Settings: like I said before, this story takes place in and around Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America, during the 2010s with flashbacks to the Prohibition Era of the 1920s. I've lived in this area my whole life so far, and while I don't tend to make exploratory drives through the city, it is one of the cities with which I am most familiar. The story is inspired by multiple sources: The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, Chrono Crusade by Daisuke Moriyama, Negima! by Ken Akamatsu, and This Present Darkness/Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti, with the first two works having the largest influence. It is a combination alternate history and urban fantasy.
Thanks for your comment and input! n.n I hope to be writing more of this work in the near future. Keep in touch, and don't hesitate to ask further questions if need be (I'm honestly surprised you didn't also ask about the "DedMeds" lol)

~Micah

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

medievallass In reply to Doomsday-Prophyt [2014-06-23 08:04:02 +0000 UTC]

Cool! Thanks for the information . The background for North Carolina was helpful. I haven't actually stopped over on the Eastern Seaboard (hopefully someday) and I currently live all the way out here in Oregon, so I'm a little limited on my knowledge . Oh the Dresden Files . I just recently read the first book and I really enjoyed it. I can see the touch of influence there, it's good stuff!. Take care and I'll keep an eye out for new additions to the story

Hayley

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