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drowsydolls — PSA: important
Published: 2018-12-12 18:41:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 5012; Favourites: 94; Downloads: 0
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I've wanted to get this out for a while. I just really want to give some advice and possibly help people avoid the kind of situation I was in.
I'm not going to go into the details, but I was in a relationship with a guy for 4 and a half years, the first 2 years were great. But the 3rd and 4th years everything started going downhill.
If you're in a relationship and your partner makes you feel:
• useless, not good enough for anything
• that you're unattractive
• if you need their approval to do something
• if they ignore you or vanish for days on end or more
• if they put others first and you're not one of their priorities
• if they're flirty with other people
• if they give you anxiety/depression
• if they make you feel stupid
• if you feel like they're using you to gain something
• if they make you spend a lot of money on them but they don't really return the favor
• if they yell at you and are usually the one to start an argument
• doesn't take your sadness seriously nor comforts you in your time of need
• if they make you feel so low that you harm yourself
• makes false promises
Please. get out of that relationship.
I know it's way easier said than done, I 100% understand. I've been there.
They're not going to change their ways. You may think they'll improve over time, but a lot of people in this world
are absolutely fucking evil. And they don't give a shit what they do or what harm they cause to other people. I held on for so fucking long, thinking he would improve, he never did.
My therapists and friends and family all said he was bad for me, but I didn't listen, I was completely blinded.
When you're with somebody you become blind to their flaws, and always give them the benefit of the doubt, or shrug it off.
This isn't a healthy thing to do. You're being manipulated by them. Your friends and family will always have your best interests at heart, please listen to them.
We all have problems, and nobody is perfect. But if someone's flaws outweigh the good, and if you're more stressed than happy being with that person, you should get away.
It hurts so bad to go through a breakup, I'm still not over mine, and I don't think I ever will be. But I swear to you, it's the right thing to do.
You don't need them to survive. You have people who love you. Your friends, family, followers, etc. You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy.
Please don't make the same mistake that I did, by holding onto false hope, only to be let down even more.
I didn't make this journal to get pity from anybody. I just wanted to share my experience. Thank you for reading.
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Comments: 109
This is wisdom - please listen to this amazing advice.
Hoping won't do much, it will cause more damage as come to the realization that things are getting worse.
One has to take action and leave all the toxicity behind.
Well said goatkiie, and I can't express how important this is.
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I'm so sorry that you were in a relationship like this, but I'm so proud that you were able to get out of it! You should be happy with your self too and it's so thoughtful to put a post like this out there. Especially since there is so many young people in this community some people just need messages like this <3
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thank you so much ♥ it wasnt all entirely his fault and im not saying i was the victim 100% because we both didnt treat eachother very good honestly
we're on good terms now but not best friends or anything. but im glad its over too because hes not the guy for me ♥ thank you for your comment
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God this sounds like a relationship my best friend was in... I kept telling her he was bad for her, but she kept saying he would change. They got back together after breaking up more than once... I'm so glad she's found someone new that treats her well. Thank you for this post!!
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I watched you for this journal when it was posted... which was a bit after I got away from an ex that did so many of the things listed.
It's still so important.
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Been there... UGH! Nothing I hate more than seeing my friends go through the torment of abuse... It hurts to watch happening so much
Amazing words. Well said Cookie!
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i know theirs like probably 500 other comments like this but i really really appreciate this. i was in the same situation for years and i'v never really heard anyone else really experience things similar to what i went through, especially with staying with someone because you think they'll improve, i dont think iv ever seen anyone talk or explain it as well as you have. im so glad you got out of that situation genuinely, and i know how hard it is to leave people like that sometimes, you're super strong and thank you for making this because it seems like it really resonated with other people too. I hope people who were in my situation and your situation see this and maybe will see the signs and leave before anything worse happens, i hope you're doing good now, i think everyone deserves to feel safe and happy.
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Damn, I’m glad you got out of that situation. I haven’t been in any abusives relationship, let alone an actual relationship but I have even through the same thing with an ex friend of mine that I was very close to. We we friends for like almost 11 years and breaking the friendship was so hard but it had to be done.
they constantly put me down for being who I am, was a very bad influence, stole money and tried borrowing money by making me feel bad for her, put me down if I was better at doing something than her (my art as an example), constantly forced drama on me which honestly increased my depression even more, tried to make me break up with other friends because she didn’t like them, making fake promises (which was the reason why I broke it off with her) and much... much more
even after our friendship broke, she tried to make herself look like she was the victim by telling people that I wanted to harm her cause I made a joke to get her attention (we had to go somewhere and she promised to go, but never answered me and literally ghosted me for a week, so I spammed her text a few minutes before we had to leave. Said her phone broke but I don’t belive that one bit cause she saw it a few days after and ignored me since then). I honestly regret making that joke cause of that, but she tried to make me look like I was seriously going to kill her. Good thing one of my other friends didn’t believe her and helped me. (I’m literally a nervous,germaphobic, antisocial stick , how and why would I even do that?)
now that I’m not friends with her, I now realize how much of a shitty greedy attention whore seeking narcissist she is, and I don’t regret breaking it off cause atm she’s been doing some shit that I’m honestly glad I was not apart of (not gonna get into details, it wasn’t like drugs bad, but it was bad).
i don’t wanna sound like I’m spitting this out for attention, all I wanna say is that if someone treats you like shit, or if they make you feel depressed every time you’re around them (if it’s about them causing drama or not), leave them emedietely, don’t run back to them like I’ve done before we broke it off. Even if you think they make you happy, don’t, it’ll make everything worst and they’ll think that they’re in control of you so they’ll just use you even more like a puppet. Heck, that ex friend didn’t even care (well, almost didn’t care) when I unfriended her. She tried going to my house which was honestly the scariest thing that I ever had to endure since she was at my door for like 2-3 minutes waiting and I just sat in my room waiting for her to leave, she tried giving me food to make me like her more, and she even tried talking with me from time to time and I just ignore her cause you know she’s just doing that to stir shit again. But after that, boom ,she was gone. All I get from her now is just sassy stares when I go to school and walk down the hallways but I could care less.
ive actually been making process from forgetting abt her, and now I’m with some much better friends that actually truly care about me, and I’ve gotten support from some of the support staff at my school which I’m honestly so glad to have otherwise I would not be able to break off our friendship. It’s still hard cause sometimes I always have dreams about me still being friends with her cause my brain is still so used to me being friends with her (not like me fantasizing her, it’s probably cause my brain is so creative and replicates past events often) and I have some extremely big trust issues but I’m not letting that stop me. It’s weird not having someone that has the same sense of humour, but tbh I’ve alway been weird like that so it’s never going away.
dont sacrifice your own emotions to be with someone you want to belive makes you happy, but deep inside just wants to use you, or that you’ve given over 30 chances. You’ll cause yourself harm and you’ll give them the control they want. They don’t belong to you, you do.
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Oh dear.. This isn't the case for me but this sounds like a perfect descrption of my friend and her brother, she's completely fucking addicted to him and he knows how to charm her just right into crawling back to him, and to this day she still does even though she wants to escapse that dark pit of abyss he claims is love. he doens't even give a shit baout her or when she's sad, if she gets sad when being near him he'll just ignore her and turn his back until she's "normal" again. He doesn't even care about somethign a normal brother would be proud of like his little sister's achievements or projeects she takes enjoyment or pride in, he doens't even pretend to care for her sake. he doesn't take responsibility when he hurt her feelings and he gets mad at her for disliking a girl that is actually holding HIM In a abusive relationship (mind you she is way older than him and he's a minor).
she attempted scuiciude 3 fucking times because of him, i can never be thankful enough for a childhood friend of mine to have been there while that hell went down. And I can not forgive the asshole who's causing her so much misery.
She's my best friend yes but she's like a sister to me. it makes me so mad that she knows she needs to get out but he has her wrapped around his finger and knows she'll come when he calls. Ugh What I wouldn't give to have his ass served to him oneday.
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I can 100% say that I've been bad at times in my current relationship. Ngl their are moments were I want to help comfort my gf but so much is going with me or myself that at that current moment I cant or I might mess up and make it worse. It's also heathly to note that communication is really important if I cant do something or I need some time to myself or anything of that sort I'll try tonexplain and to let my gf know. I dont wanna panic or scare her. She means the world to me. But I cant lie and say it's never happened on both ends.
But also just take in mind that sometimes ppl make mistakes and mess up no ones perfect. Sometimes I take things my gf says in the wrong way and my head goes on a tangent. Be mindful that your partner might not even know that what they said bugged you if you dont tell them. None of us are mind readers. So that's why I'll always say communication in any relationship is important weather it's friendship,family or a lover/partner.
But I do agree with this list and try my damn hardest to make sure I dont do these things. ;u;
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you're absolutely right !! and ive come to terms with my ex. we dont hate eachother or anything, and we still check in on eachother from time to time. i dont like to have enemies, i like to give everyone
a second chance at least. this journal was made like a few days after we broke up, so i was very depressed and blamed it all on him. hes not a bad person, we're just not meant to be together
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Sorry if I word it badly ahh sjiehabhss I'm really not that great with explaining myself.
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I was in a few and I'm so frickin' glad I got out when I did -
This stuff is very important and should go for any type of relationship tbh
Even family
You shouldn't feel low because of them.
One has caused me to almost end my life a few times.
It's so disgusting to look back on.
I'm so much happier now.
Thank you for the message <3
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completely agree. im so glad youre still here !! i had a similar experience and its really shitty to look back on
but also good because it shows how much we've improved and grown, and we survivied
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Yes yes, I agree <3
I'm so glad you're ok as well!! ^^
Stay safe
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Totally agree, and it goes for more types of relationships than just romantic, like family or friends.
I haven't been in much romantic relationships because no one's interested in me really the few i've been in before and the one I'm in now is fine, but i've been in some shitty friendships and relationships with my family members. Like my sister for example, she's been terrible to my family for as long as I can remember, and it only got worse the older we got. She would constantly do horrible things to us, she physically attacked my brother before, got police called to our house a few times, she made me too scared to be in this house for the longest time, she'd call us pigs if we didn't follow whatever insane diet she was following for the week, she's transgender which is the only thing I can respect about her, but whenever we would try to talk to her about her behavior she would call us transphobic bigots. She finally moved out back in April but I still have nightmares about her constantly, if she comes up even slightly I freak out. And just a few weeks ago she came back to visit my mom then she randomly came to our house without warning, thank goodness my friend Robin was there to get me out of there.
But for the longest time I was blinded by us being family, like no way I can hate her, she's my sister. We're related, we grew up.... sorta together. And then after so so so long I finally realized that family doesn't mean shit if the person you're related to makes you feel terrible all the time.
Thank goodness she's out of my life now, and she probably won't come to randomly visit again any time soon, and even if so I'm moving across the country probably next month so I shouldn't have to see her or talk to her ever again.
Thank you for making this journal, I hope it helps people.
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im so sorry to hear that. you seem like such a sweet person, its crazy how different siblings can be :/
she does sound pretty horrible to be around,, and yes it definitely applies to more than just romantic relationships!
im glad youre okay !!
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I can go on for hours on every bad thing she’s done to my family and I. And when she was visiting everyone kept saying I was overreacting and that I’m wrong to hate her since we’re related. My dad’s the only one who understood, probably because she went after him and I the most. I’m just glad she’s back home so I don’t have to worry about her being anywhere near me anymore.
I’m realizing how bad the rest of my family is too, I’m on my final straw with them, definitely not on the same level as my sister but still, except my dad, my dad’s good. Which really makes me happy I’m leaving. I’m excited to replace all the bad relationships with good ones.
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I didnt know I needed this when you first uploaded it, but yeah I did.
I got out of that shithole relationship and now I know who I am deep down, I'm happy I dont have to change myself to make my partner happy.
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im so glad to hear that this helped in any way ♥ good luck with everything !!
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As some who's been in those type of relationships (and friendships) and is moving out of a household who does most of those things (with my brother)
I feel this is a nice PSA to hear and to share with others.
If it wasn't for my current boyfriend (childhood friend), friends, and my therapist I wouldn't have realized and healed from it.
I'm actually still am healing from it but I discovered myself along the way <3
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This is a great PSA.
To share my experience quick; I was in a 5 year relationship, where the last three years got bad. (Some signs that aren't mentioned and are obvious but I was dumb I guess)
-spends money on you and then expects intimacy in return
-gets upset when told "No"
-doesn't like your family at all, won't even come to your house because of this dislike
(There was a lot more that happened that contributed to me breaking it off, and I don't regret leaving)
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i'm glad you got out of the situation safely!
that's such a difficult thing to do, especially when it's someone you loved, and you're so strong for having done so <3
thank you for sharing this. i hope it helps a lot of people who are struggling/unaware that they're in an abusive relationship, romantic or otherwise.
love u <33
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My ex really had a lot of these signs... Especially the using part and the part where I spent so much money on him and got rarely anything in return. Not to mention I was 16 and he was 21... I was an easily manipulated person.
This is a really good PSA.
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I'm glad that you were able to break free from that toxic situation. I only hope the very best for you and your well being in the future! 
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i had a bad relationship of almost 2 years, I cant believe I didnt see the warning signs. ;__; I'm so glad this has been posted, it's really really raelly really important and I wish more people spread awareness like this tbh,
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This is a very important message and I'm so glad you took the time to post this. So many people need to hear these words. It's hard to get out of a relationship, especially when you love someone. It's easy to be blind by what's going on around you or what's truly happening. I've had friendships like this, and I've seen this type of situation around me and prayed for them. I'm sorry you were put in this situation. You are very strong, and I wish you the best.
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This was my mother. I'm still learning to this day how much wasn't normal, how much was actually neglect, even after 2 years escaped. My bf is helping me mend, slowly. But I can't really put my trust in anyone anymore. I'm glad you are out of there.
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I remember commenting on this back in December and I’ve gotta say.. after reading this it definitely helped me come to the realization that was I was going through, I shouldn’t be. Tysm cookie for putting this out there and making me realize I would be okay once I left that person ;v; it’s been about 3 months and I’ve been SO much better and happier mentally!! ❤️❤️
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Frick, this hits close to home. I hate that it does, but I just don't feel safe anymore. My partner started off so sweet, but then she just became angry and honestly scary. We went on a break for a bit instead of breaking up- even though I really wanted to- and she suddenly got really sweet again, but I just can't bring myself to trust it. She keeps talking about how she's not the old her and that she's changing, but I'm just so scared she'll go back that I can't enjoy it if it is real. I feel like if she does go back, it will be my fault because I didn't trust her enough. I feel like nearly everything is my fault, even if I know it isn't. I just want to leave her... But I don't know how yet.
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Shit man it took the last year of my relationship before I finally decided I deserved more than neglect and got out of my relationship x.x and it honestly messed me up to where now, in my new relationship, I'm hella paranoid and questioning basically everything my bf is doing and it just feels bad. I'm glad you got our of yours tho and you're healing <3 no one should ever have to feel that way
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Aww man, you’re so strong...
i’ve been bullied by someone I liked and... well...
it didn’t do well for my self esteem rip,
luckily my boyfriend now has helped me mend my broken soul!
hope you do better someday too!
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this also applies to friendships as well, and i've definitely been in a couple like this (including relationships too). irl and online.
i wish more people knew about this because it absolutely sucks to be put in this situation time and time again
and i wish people felt safe enough to get out of these situations and to cut the relationship off
i know i didn't when i was younger and even now i have a hard time.
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I've had relationships where I was manipulated into thinking I'm those things you've listed, it makes me feel unlovable but I often try to remember that it was manipulated into me, I'm not actually those things. I'm not worthless. I'm not a bad person. and I am working very hard to relearn self love!
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this makes me think of that saying where it's like "red flags are just flags when seen through rose-tinted glasses" or something like that
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I've been really nervous about dating again after my ex. My only relationship was 6 years ago w/ who I thought was a really sweet gal, but the relationship went downhill pretty fast. She wasn't ever abusive ig, but she was far too clingy + ended up cheating on me since I "wasn't paying enough attention to her" evn tho we saw each other almost every day + constantly texted when we weren't together. I'm the kind of person who needs my alone time to de-stress, so this was a fairly big issue for me. I loved her, but I guess I wasn't good enough...
it really doesn't help that I was abused for over a decade until I graduated fom school so now I have major trust issues + PTSD. It sucks bc I wanna find someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something, but I have to figure out how to let them in first.
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i wish i knew this before. i almost died because of him... and yet i STILL stayed because i was scared
thank you for creating this, and i'm sorry for you and everyone else that went thru this shit too.
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NOT REally but i wrote this months ago
just wanted to update it just in case it helps someone ,,,
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If you need to talk man I'm here for you ;;
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Same here Lol. 5-ish years ago my "significant other" paralyzed my bunny from the waste down, I will omit further details as I know how sensitive y'all can be. He strangled her to death in front of me. Tossed the other one outside. Stole thousands of dollars from me. Beat me physically. Etc etc. It was worse than bad. I think I just felt like I couldn't get anyone else and that I was too far in it to get out. Eventually he had to go, my grandmother threatened him and told him he could no longer stay with us. At that point when he was gone it was easy for me to end it. Twitch streamers helped me in those few months of "getting over it".
I didn't want to date anyone after that but after some time I found a really nice guy who I really connect with. He's an animal lover like myself and we just laugh so much. You really need to get to know someone before you can call it official. And girls, don't go anywhere near his junk until you are married. It's a true test to see whether he is dedicated enough to be with you for the rest of your life.
That being said, I'm glad you put out this PSA. I hope more girls can respect themselves more and realize how manipulative and abusive some people can be so it does not happen to them.
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what the FUCK,,,,,
im so,,, so so sorry
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my abuser did all of those things to me, and I’m stuck seeing so many other people in the same position and it’s the worst feeling ever
I’m really glad you said this
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its horrible.. im so sorry
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This is so important for people to see! I wish I saw this a year and a half ago, it would've helped so much and I was in such a bad spot in my life.
I'm so glad I got out of it and now I'm with someone who loves me for me, supports me in more ways I can imagine and whenever I'm struggling with insecurities he's always there to reassure me and I truly don't know how I'd be today without him.
Thank you for putting this out here for those who need to hear this! ♥
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i’ve never gone through anything like this but my mom is recovering from a relationship like this - god it’s so messed up :/ i wish people weren’t like this
i’m so glad you finally got out though, you deserve the world not that scumbag
dude thank u for sharing this, i’m sure it’s rough trying to recall all of those things
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