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DVeditor — Pendulums by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-07-15 04:18:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 429; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
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Description When pendulums stop
Those who debated the swing
Did not have the time
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Comments: 6

TheAntimonyElement [2008-07-16 17:04:09 +0000 UTC]

The idea is quite interesting...Simple, but thought-provoking. You got the haiku structure right.

The only thing I noticed was that the tense was kinda inconsistent. I don't know if that's what you were going for or not, but I might change the "Did not" to "Do not." If that's not what you had in mind, don't worry about. I very much like it anyway.

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DVeditor In reply to TheAntimonyElement [2008-07-18 17:28:48 +0000 UTC]

Excellent point - I appreciate the feedback!

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dandelgrosso [2008-07-15 13:57:58 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DVeditor In reply to dandelgrosso [2008-07-18 17:28:17 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Chromattix [2008-07-15 07:03:13 +0000 UTC]

Simple, but good political statement here I can't really critique as I don't know much about poetry, but I thought haiku was supposed to have five lines instead of three?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DVeditor In reply to Chromattix [2008-07-18 17:28:21 +0000 UTC]

You might be thinking of a limerick - in English the haiku structure is three lines with 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Thanks for the feedback!

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