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So many flashbacks
So many memories
All reflections of ignorance and stupid decisions.
Not regret - never regret.
Just stupidity. And so much of it.
I opened the floodgates -
WHY oh WHY would I DO that
When I've worked so hard to build the dam in the first place,
WHY would I take a sledgehammer and tear it to pieces??
My shields are down and they won't regenerate
- at least not quickly enough to protect me from this onslaught -
And I'm lost and I'm scared and I don't know what I'm doing
Or where I'm going
Or how this is going to turn out.
Part of me wants to keep hoping
But I know the chance is far too slim
And it's not worth the fall and the feeling of crushing defeat.
But something won't let me lock it back up,
Like the hope that was trapped in Pandora's box,
And it's hard
And it hurts
And I'm terrified.